Did you know that the most widely taught feedback method actually...
Pep@peptalksblog
47 views
Sep 12, 2025
~5 min read
Advertisement
1
Did you know that the most widely taught feedback method actually makes your feedback less effective?
A thread on what to do instead🧵
A thread on what to do instead🧵
2
The most common advice for giving feedback is the "compliment sandwich":
1) Take a piece of constructive criticism.
2) Slap a compliment before and after to make it more palatable.
In my experience, it's best to avoid this technique entirely. Here’s why:
1) Take a piece of constructive criticism.
2) Slap a compliment before and after to make it more palatable.
In my experience, it's best to avoid this technique entirely. Here’s why:
3
Compliment sandwiches erode the value of both the compliments & the criticism.
People can't know if the compliment was genuine or just something you mustered up for the sandwich.
And since it might be the latter, the candor of the criticism can no longer be trusted either↓↓
People can't know if the compliment was genuine or just something you mustered up for the sandwich.
And since it might be the latter, the candor of the criticism can no longer be trusted either↓↓
4
Compliment sandwiches decrease feedback effectiveness because their goal is to deliver criticism but
1) They're 66% praise.
2) People remember the start & end of a story more than the middle (primacy & recency effects)
Odds are they think it was a nuanced compliment. & if not:
1) They're 66% praise.
2) People remember the start & end of a story more than the middle (primacy & recency effects)
Odds are they think it was a nuanced compliment. & if not:
5
Compliment sandwiches can come across as condescending to some.
Because they presume the other person lacks the maturity to handle straight feedback—that we need to sugarcoat it, like feeding vitamins to little kids.
(This presumption can be correct, but there's a better way:)
Because they presume the other person lacks the maturity to handle straight feedback—that we need to sugarcoat it, like feeding vitamins to little kids.
(This presumption can be correct, but there's a better way:)
6
Instead of trying to make someone receptive to feedback by buttering them up, you can just get their buy-in:
"Hey, I have some feedback for you. You open to hearing it right now?"
(You can also specificy whether it's about affirmation, improvement, or a complaint.) ↓↓
"Hey, I have some feedback for you. You open to hearing it right now?"
(You can also specificy whether it's about affirmation, improvement, or a complaint.) ↓↓
7
Set & setting are crucial for feedback:
- Constructive criticism in the presence of co-workers or employers differs from that feedback given privately, because its impact goes beyond the feedback itself.
- Heightened emotional states can make feedback harder to process↓↓
- Constructive criticism in the presence of co-workers or employers differs from that feedback given privately, because its impact goes beyond the feedback itself.
- Heightened emotional states can make feedback harder to process↓↓
8
A helpful way to phrase feedback is the SBI model:
Situation - Behavior - Impact
E.g.
"When (thing happened) and you (did thing) I (had experience/felt feeling)."
It may seem like in many cases this wouldn't apply, but it does—and there's a reason it's more helpful. Examples:
Situation - Behavior - Impact
E.g.
"When (thing happened) and you (did thing) I (had experience/felt feeling)."
It may seem like in many cases this wouldn't apply, but it does—and there's a reason it's more helpful. Examples:
9
Feedback on writing:
When you (did thing), I felt less engaged. By the end, when you (did thing), I felt my focus come back.
Feedback on work:
When you (did thing), (metric) went down, so (other department) had to work hard to compensate.
Why is SBI feedback most helpful?↓
When you (did thing), I felt less engaged. By the end, when you (did thing), I felt my focus come back.
Feedback on work:
When you (did thing), (metric) went down, so (other department) had to work hard to compensate.
Why is SBI feedback most helpful?↓
10
Feedback as impact is generally more useful than feedback as advice.
Giving good advice requires an understanding of what the other person is trying to achieve (and what they value).
But sharing how something impacted you is insightful, no matter who you are & what you know:
Giving good advice requires an understanding of what the other person is trying to achieve (and what they value).
But sharing how something impacted you is insightful, no matter who you are & what you know:
11
“Your marketing would improve if you applied (technique).” is often unhelpful (or wrong) unless the advice giver knows the full context.
“I felt reluctant to buy because (thing) made me think (doubtful thought)” is extremely useful feedback that requires no marketing experience.
“I felt reluctant to buy because (thing) made me think (doubtful thought)” is extremely useful feedback that requires no marketing experience.
12
Something I love about sharing feedback as impact is that it automatically makes things specific and personal.
Specific feedback is more constructive & actionable (even if it's just affirmation).
Personal feedback is more conducive to connection (even if it is not positive)↓↓
Specific feedback is more constructive & actionable (even if it's just affirmation).
Personal feedback is more conducive to connection (even if it is not positive)↓↓
13
Chris Gray, a senior course leader at ART International says 2 things about feedback that always stuck with me:
1) "Feedback without impact is just opinion."
2) "Don’t give drive-by feedback"
What's drive-by feedback? You ask.
1) "Feedback without impact is just opinion."
2) "Don’t give drive-by feedback"
What's drive-by feedback? You ask.
14
Drive-by feedback is when you drop some feedback on someone, but then don't stick around to see how it affected them.
Asking how your words landed isn’t just a form of emotional care, it’s also feedback on your feedback.
…which is the best way to get better at giving it.↓↓
Asking how your words landed isn’t just a form of emotional care, it’s also feedback on your feedback.
…which is the best way to get better at giving it.↓↓
15
If you have a long list of feedback, it can be helpful to pause after each point, allow it to sink in & see if they're ready to receive more.
(Besides criticism, it's quite common for people to have trouble processing praise.)
If this feel cumbersome, you might ask yourself:
(Besides criticism, it's quite common for people to have trouble processing praise.)
If this feel cumbersome, you might ask yourself:
16
Who is my feedback really for?
Am I seeking to:
- Empower them (e.g. reveal their blindspots, affirm their strengths, offer wisdom)?
-
- Tear them down (e.g. "to be honest, your thing sucked")?
-
- Feel superior (e.g.: flash knowledge, unsolicited advice,evaluation)?↓↓
Am I seeking to:
- Empower them (e.g. reveal their blindspots, affirm their strengths, offer wisdom)?
-
- Tear them down (e.g. "to be honest, your thing sucked")?
-
- Feel superior (e.g.: flash knowledge, unsolicited advice,evaluation)?↓↓
17
There's a subtle dynamic to be aware of with evaluative feedback
While usually not intended as such, it can feel like a power move.
The framing creates potential for a subtext that we have higher authority to evaluate them.
Sticking to the "impact model" avoids this dynamic↓
While usually not intended as such, it can feel like a power move.
The framing creates potential for a subtext that we have higher authority to evaluate them.
Sticking to the "impact model" avoids this dynamic↓
18
Feedback as impact is also more accurate:
Because often, what seems to be about the other person ("this song sucks", "this is bad government") is really about the intersection between 2 people ("music doesn't match my taste", "good governing that negatively impacts me").
Because often, what seems to be about the other person ("this song sucks", "this is bad government") is really about the intersection between 2 people ("music doesn't match my taste", "good governing that negatively impacts me").
19
…& finally, good feedback doesn't always have to be verbal.
Sometimes the kindest feedback is silent & clear.
(In the same way, every response—or lack thereof—you get is feedback from life. Life always speaks to you. And you can listen, even if the feedback is not verbalized).
Sometimes the kindest feedback is silent & clear.
(In the same way, every response—or lack thereof—you get is feedback from life. Life always speaks to you. And you can listen, even if the feedback is not verbalized).
20
With email subscribers, I share in depth personal learnings about authenticity, connection and living in alignment.
Get them in your inbox for free by singing up here👇
peptalksblog.com/subscribe
Get them in your inbox for free by singing up here👇
peptalksblog.com/subscribe
21
Follow me @peptalksblog for more explorations on connecting with ourselves, each other and reality.
If you think others could benefit from this thread, I'd deeply appreciate you sharing the first post:
If you think others could benefit from this thread, I'd deeply appreciate you sharing the first post:
22
P.S. This is a good rule of thumb on feedback.
When in doubt, or if it’s the first time, I also like to lean into asking.
When in doubt, or if it’s the first time, I also like to lean into asking.