exes wangxian who meet at a train station thirteen years after...
grey 🍁@cheerywhiskey
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Aug 23, 2024
~17 min read
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exes wangxian who meet at a train station thirteen years after breakup where they're meant to board for different routes except WWX arrives too late and misses his train, and LWJ's train get delayed by fourteen hours...
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[ not required but I recommend listening to open.spotify.com/track/7uhINGVi… cause this song gave birth to this story ]
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There are a few things of WWX that belong only to Lan Zhan.
His smiles belong to the world, but crinkles beside his eyes are Lan Zhan's, because he noticed them first. WWX's body is his own, but the mole on the underside of his hip belongs to Lan Zhan, because he discovered it.
His smiles belong to the world, but crinkles beside his eyes are Lan Zhan's, because he noticed them first. WWX's body is his own, but the mole on the underside of his hip belongs to Lan Zhan, because he discovered it.
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And while WWX's lovers may know the man he is, only Lan Zhan knows the boy he used to be. That right belongs to Lan Zhan.
In the overly bustling train station, clammy with humidity and smoke, it's that very faith that makes him get on his feet and extend a hand towards WWX.
In the overly bustling train station, clammy with humidity and smoke, it's that very faith that makes him get on his feet and extend a hand towards WWX.
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He had arrived an hour before the departure, punctual as ever, a duffel in his hand and a violin case on the shoulder. And he had arrived to the frantic sight of WWX groaning on the bench, having just missed his train.
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When their eyes met, it wasn't a world-stilling affair, or a breath punching out of his chest. It was just one long moment of WWX composing the surprise out of his face while Lan Zhan's surroundings dimmed to a blur.
It had been seven years since he had seen those eyes.
It had been seven years since he had seen those eyes.
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WWX was quick to give him a smile, naturally as it came to him.
Whether it's in the throes of first kiss under the pouring rain, or in the devastation of the last lovemaking, he was always smiling. His smile was honest, perhaps because it was directed at Lan Zhan.
Whether it's in the throes of first kiss under the pouring rain, or in the devastation of the last lovemaking, he was always smiling. His smile was honest, perhaps because it was directed at Lan Zhan.
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They had made a promise to not cry for each other, so all Lan Zhan could do was smile back.
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Just as easily, WWX was able to slink into a flurry of questions—How have you been? How come you grew more beautiful than before? Do you still compose music? I'm glad you chose the violin—all the while Lan Zhan wondered how much of Wei Ying belongs to others now.
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When the announcement comes, it's not in the least bit surprising. A fourteen hour delay for his train.
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The universe has always worked like that with them, lodging their roots into each other's skin in ways that when they have to pluck apart—as they always have to—it would leave a little pain in its wake. A little blood. Some scarred flesh.
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But when fate gives one a life of inevitabilities, it also teaches how to face them with abandon.
Perhaps that is why he's here now, a bag on a shoulder and violin case on another, stretching his hand out. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to.
Perhaps that is why he's here now, a bag on a shoulder and violin case on another, stretching his hand out. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to.
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WWX smiles. “I have a fiancé.”
The crack within Lan Zhan's chest doesn't ring, it barely even registers. He's had years to work this ache into his bones, merge it within his arteries, live with it.
He gives WWX a smile too. “Don't worry, I'm not stealing you away.”
The crack within Lan Zhan's chest doesn't ring, it barely even registers. He's had years to work this ache into his bones, merge it within his arteries, live with it.
He gives WWX a smile too. “Don't worry, I'm not stealing you away.”
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WWX's exhale is one of helplessness, and just like that, Lan Zhan knows, a dozen people may have touched him, but his helplessness still belongs to Lan Zhan.
WWX takes his hand and they get out of there fast. For the next fourteen hours that belong to just them.
——x——
WWX takes his hand and they get out of there fast. For the next fourteen hours that belong to just them.
——x——
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The last time they met was seven years ago, six years after the breakup. The sky had been grey and oppressive that day, in the lone city Wei Ying had to take refuge in from the snow.
He doesn't remember what LWJ was there for.
He doesn't remember what LWJ was there for.
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But Wei Ying had no fiance back then. And a city with the metro also had people more accepting than hometown neighbours.
In that metrocity where love had the privilege to be more than right or wrong, the chill of december was the only thing they needed to fall to each other.
In that metrocity where love had the privilege to be more than right or wrong, the chill of december was the only thing they needed to fall to each other.
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The warmth in their bodies was more than just the exchange of carnal heat. Six years of separation hadn't dented Wei Ying's knowledge of all the ways pleasure could be coaxed out of LWJ's body. Like a familiar terrain well loved and well travelled.
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"Do you still think of me?" LWJ had asked that night, kissing a particularly well loved spot on the inner side of Wei Ying's neck.
His fingers were tangled into Wei Ying's hair, neither pulling nor pushing, just keeping him there. Close to him. Close and warm.
His fingers were tangled into Wei Ying's hair, neither pulling nor pushing, just keeping him there. Close to him. Close and warm.
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Wei Ying had laughed, breathy and hot in the way only LWJ's lips had the power to get him. "When do I not think of you?"
LWJ had rewarded him with a bite, his signature bite, smothering his skin with teeth marks and tongue licks. It hadn't taken long to come.
LWJ had rewarded him with a bite, his signature bite, smothering his skin with teeth marks and tongue licks. It hadn't taken long to come.
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"Take me with you," LWJ had said afterwards, in the stark echo of their breakup six years ago but without the tears this time.
Wei Ying too had repeated the same response from years ago, also without tears in his eyes. "You know I cannot do that."
——x——
Wei Ying too had repeated the same response from years ago, also without tears in his eyes. "You know I cannot do that."
——x——
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The sky is just as oppressive as it was seven years ago when they exit the train station.
"When are you getting married?" He asks.
Unlike WWX, he has never been able to mince words. Or even actions.
"When are you getting married?" He asks.
Unlike WWX, he has never been able to mince words. Or even actions.
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When WWX kissed him the first time, nervous and testing, he had kissed right back, almost slamming him into the wall of the thatched roof they took shelter in.
When WWX had told him he loves him, unsure and uncertain, Lan Zhan had told him he'll follow wherever he goes.
When WWX had told him he loves him, unsure and uncertain, Lan Zhan had told him he'll follow wherever he goes.
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"Sometime next month," WWX answers, right at they spot the city opera and duck right in.
Music is their old companion. They've loved it, lived it, revelled in it, made love to it. They've shared it with each other and made it for each other.
Music is their old companion. They've loved it, lived it, revelled in it, made love to it. They've shared it with each other and made it for each other.
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"Do you still play our song?"
Lan Zhan does not lay his head on WWX's shoulder when he asks that. The notes swirl thick in the air and thicker in their blood streams. WWX doesn't reach for his fingers either.
"On days it rains."
——x——
Lan Zhan does not lay his head on WWX's shoulder when he asks that. The notes swirl thick in the air and thicker in their blood streams. WWX doesn't reach for his fingers either.
"On days it rains."
——x——
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Thirteen years ago, when they were both seventeen and out on a highschool excursion, Wei Ying had yearned to kiss the stern lips of the stern prefect who glowed orange behind the flames of the bonefire.
And when it started raining, it had brought the courage to do just that.
And when it started raining, it had brought the courage to do just that.
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Under the thatched roof that he had dragged LWJ into for shelter, he had backed him into the corner and kissed those lips, fully expecting to be pushed away.
But LWJ had kissed back, setting the story of them rolling. He had kissed back and refused to let go.
But LWJ had kissed back, setting the story of them rolling. He had kissed back and refused to let go.
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Their story was like any other dirty secret a love like theirs tended to be. Shameful. Forbidden. And only theirs.
It bloomed amidst brushing of ankles under study desk, stolen kisses behind obscure walls, and evening phone calls for academic purposes.
It bloomed amidst brushing of ankles under study desk, stolen kisses behind obscure walls, and evening phone calls for academic purposes.
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It was when LWJ was frustrated over the wave nature of light that WWX had uttered his first 'I love you.' Quietly. Sneaking it unceremoniously between his explanations of huygen's arguments.
Lan Zhan had closed his eyes and imagined a lock of hair falling over Wei Ying's eyes.
Lan Zhan had closed his eyes and imagined a lock of hair falling over Wei Ying's eyes.
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And on the same day as their confession, they had also promised each other that when the time comes to let go, they won't cry. One day, when the world ultimately catches up, they will keep the love with them and say their goodbyes.
But no matter what, they won't cry.
——x——
But no matter what, they won't cry.
——x——
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It's far past noon when he spots the top of a ferris wheel although the sun is barely out.
WWX laughs. "Still so obsessed with those rides?"
Lan Zhan doesn't ask how WWX is so surprised by his undying obsessions when he's is here with him, thirteen years after separation.
WWX laughs. "Still so obsessed with those rides?"
Lan Zhan doesn't ask how WWX is so surprised by his undying obsessions when he's is here with him, thirteen years after separation.
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Finding the actual location of the ferris wheel eats up another thirty minutes but Lan Zhan's grip on WWX's sleeve doesn't loosen. They're breathless by the time the reach the carnival. But it's worth it.
The cart smells like old shoes and their second kiss.
The cart smells like old shoes and their second kiss.
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WWX stands against the other wall, gazing at him, just as he did when they were seventeen, except this time, he won't trudge up and stick his fingers into Lan Zhan's hair.
"People say letting go gets easier with age," he finds himself whispering.
WWX's lips quirk. "Do they?"
"People say letting go gets easier with age," he finds himself whispering.
WWX's lips quirk. "Do they?"
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It's true. He has been told that multiple times over the years. And yet, here he is, in a ferris wheel cart that smells like old shoes and his second kiss.
"What do you tell them then?"
Lan Zhan shrugs. "I find myself wondering if it has been easier for you too."
——x——
"What do you tell them then?"
Lan Zhan shrugs. "I find myself wondering if it has been easier for you too."
——x——
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The first time they made love was also the last time they made love, as lovers.
In a nondescript graveyard because no one comes to a graveyard at night. Over an obscure bench hidden under a magnolia tree, LWJ had bared himself. For Wei Ying's body. His mouth. His teeth.
In a nondescript graveyard because no one comes to a graveyard at night. Over an obscure bench hidden under a magnolia tree, LWJ had bared himself. For Wei Ying's body. His mouth. His teeth.
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It was Lan Zhan's birthday present. Because he refused to have anything else.
And it was also Wei Ying's parting gift. Because he had nothing else left to give.
And it was also Wei Ying's parting gift. Because he had nothing else left to give.
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The world had indeed caught up. Wei Ying had to leave. Lan Zhan had to stay. Their little forever had to end.
So LWJ had asked Wei Ying for the last of him. To be his first everything. To have the right that will always belong to him.
Wei Ying had kissed him and said, "Okay."
So LWJ had asked Wei Ying for the last of him. To be his first everything. To have the right that will always belong to him.
Wei Ying had kissed him and said, "Okay."
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Afterwards, he had found LWJ on his bathroom floor, shivering under the cold shower and staring into nothing.
"We don't have to do this," Wei Ying had told him, feverishly drying his hair. "Lan Zhan, love, we can just stay like this. Let's not do this. Please."
"We don't have to do this," Wei Ying had told him, feverishly drying his hair. "Lan Zhan, love, we can just stay like this. Let's not do this. Please."
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In response, LWJ had asked, "Will you think of me sometimes?"
WY had asked in return, "When do I not think of you?"
"Will you think of me even when you have a wife?"
Wei Ying had fallen quiet. He didn't have an answer LWJ would believe. So he had asked him for that too.
WY had asked in return, "When do I not think of you?"
"Will you think of me even when you have a wife?"
Wei Ying had fallen quiet. He didn't have an answer LWJ would believe. So he had asked him for that too.
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"Do you want me to?"
And LWJ had nodded. "I do. I want you to. Not all the time but when it snows, or when you see a bunny, or-or when you hear a guqin, I want you to think of me. And even when you have a wife—or even children—and your wife if busy in the kitchen while +
And LWJ had nodded. "I do. I want you to. Not all the time but when it snows, or when you see a bunny, or-or when you hear a guqin, I want you to think of me. And even when you have a wife—or even children—and your wife if busy in the kitchen while +
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+ you put the kids to sleep, I hope to cross your mind. I want you to hum the melody I gave you and I want you think of me."
And Wei Ying had let go. He had broken his promise to not cry and said, "I will. As long as you think of me every time you see someone smile."
——x——
And Wei Ying had let go. He had broken his promise to not cry and said, "I will. As long as you think of me every time you see someone smile."
——x——
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The day flashes by scarily fast. Time has always been a little cruel to them in this regard. The sky is blending into inky blue when WWX pulls him into a graveyard.
"What happened to that french guy?"
They spot a magnolia tree in the corner. With a bench underneath it.
"What happened to that french guy?"
They spot a magnolia tree in the corner. With a bench underneath it.
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A year before WWX and him last met, Lan Zhan had travelled to paris and met someone. Someone who adored him to the point of waiting.
"He gave up."
Lan Zhan hadn't been able to bring himself to turn him down right away back then. Because he knew what waiting felt like.
"He gave up."
Lan Zhan hadn't been able to bring himself to turn him down right away back then. Because he knew what waiting felt like.
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WWX tilts his head back, feeling the breeze on his face. "You never listen to me."
He had told WWX about that guy, right before they fell into bed. And after WWX was done kissing the tattered parts of him, he had extracted a promise too. To give the french guy a chance.
He had told WWX about that guy, right before they fell into bed. And after WWX was done kissing the tattered parts of him, he had extracted a promise too. To give the french guy a chance.
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"I had... listened to you."
He had promised to find another love and leave the country. And he had tried. Truly. How could he not? He made WWX a promise afterall. If not all at once, he had hoped to be able to give himself away in installments. To someone else.
He was wrong.
He had promised to find another love and leave the country. And he had tried. Truly. How could he not? He made WWX a promise afterall. If not all at once, he had hoped to be able to give himself away in installments. To someone else.
He was wrong.
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"What went wrong?"
WWX's voice is quiet and his eyes raw. They hold no secrets in them. Except one.
So Lan Zhan keeps his secret too.
He doesn't tell WWX that when the french guy told him he loved him, Lan Zhan couldn't imagine a lock of hair falling over his eyes.
——x——
WWX's voice is quiet and his eyes raw. They hold no secrets in them. Except one.
So Lan Zhan keeps his secret too.
He doesn't tell WWX that when the french guy told him he loved him, Lan Zhan couldn't imagine a lock of hair falling over his eyes.
——x——
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The last day they got to spend as lovers, LWJ had asked to be taken to their spot. So Wei Ying had loaded him on the back of his bicycle and rode to the lakeside.
They had spent the whole day there. With Wei Ying pelting stones into the water and LWJ counting the ripples.
They had spent the whole day there. With Wei Ying pelting stones into the water and LWJ counting the ripples.
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"Take me with you," LWJ had told him the night before, breaking down.
And Wei Ying had told him, with tears in his eyes, "You know I cannot do that."
In the dark sky shrouding the lake from above, there was a shooting star. They had seen it together and made no wishes.
And Wei Ying had told him, with tears in his eyes, "You know I cannot do that."
In the dark sky shrouding the lake from above, there was a shooting star. They had seen it together and made no wishes.
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"Why can't we stay like this?"
Wei Ying had burst out when it was time to leave. He hated them being a frowned upon secret but he was willing to take that over whatever this was. His hands dangled by his sides. The fight had left him all of a sudden.
Wei Ying had burst out when it was time to leave. He hated them being a frowned upon secret but he was willing to take that over whatever this was. His hands dangled by his sides. The fight had left him all of a sudden.
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LWJ had stared at him without crying. As if he knew it was his turn to be strong for Wei Ying.
And Lan Zhan had said, "I do not know how to love you without letting you go. I cannot love you without setting you free."
——x——
And Lan Zhan had said, "I do not know how to love you without letting you go. I cannot love you without setting you free."
——x——
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An owl hoots somewhere far away, startling Lan Zhan.
Beside him, WWX chuckles. "Still such a scaredy cat?"
Lan Zhan quit being afraid of graveyards ever since he made love into one. Nevertheless, he shifts closer and takes one of WWX's hands. "Only a little."
Beside him, WWX chuckles. "Still such a scaredy cat?"
Lan Zhan quit being afraid of graveyards ever since he made love into one. Nevertheless, he shifts closer and takes one of WWX's hands. "Only a little."
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WWX's smile dims, though his fingers seem to tighten. "You have more calluses on your fingers than you did last time."
Lan Zhan quietly raises his hand and places his fingertips on his lips. "Kiss it better then."
WWX's eyes flutter, snapping shut.
Lan Zhan quietly raises his hand and places his fingertips on his lips. "Kiss it better then."
WWX's eyes flutter, snapping shut.
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He moves his face away but doesn't let Lan Zhan's hand go. So Lan Zhan brings it up and places a kiss on his knuckles. The shiver travels through the entirety of WWX's body.
"You're kind of a jerk, you know," says Lan Zhan, placing another kiss on his wrist.
"You're kind of a jerk, you know," says Lan Zhan, placing another kiss on his wrist.
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The kiss following that comes on WWX's chin. "You were a massive flirt even before you met me."
And the next one on the corner of WWX's eye. "You were rude when you kissed me without asking."
Following it comes a whole flurry of kisses, trailing along WWX's head and neck.
And the next one on the corner of WWX's eye. "You were rude when you kissed me without asking."
Following it comes a whole flurry of kisses, trailing along WWX's head and neck.
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"You broke my heart so you're a heartbreaker too," Lan Zhan says, settling into the crook of his neck with a kiss on his earlobe. WWX's arm wraps over his back, almost subconsciously.
"And you're awful for never taking me with you. For always leaving me behind."
"And you're awful for never taking me with you. For always leaving me behind."
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WWX seems fragile in his arms.
"You're all the bad things and more, Wei Ying, but you're the most loyal person I've ever known," WWX's form begins shaking even before he finishes, his sobs valiantly being muffled on Lan Zhan's shoulder. "You wouldn't be here if you had someone."
"You're all the bad things and more, Wei Ying, but you're the most loyal person I've ever known," WWX's form begins shaking even before he finishes, his sobs valiantly being muffled on Lan Zhan's shoulder. "You wouldn't be here if you had someone."
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His arms come up all at once, wrapping around Lan Zhan so tight as if he means to fuse them into one.
"You wouldn't even leave the train station with me," Lan Zhan says. "Not out of obligation but simply because you don't trust yourself where I am concerned."
"You wouldn't even leave the train station with me," Lan Zhan says. "Not out of obligation but simply because you don't trust yourself where I am concerned."
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When WWX pulls him out of the hug, his eyes are red and helpless.
"What do I do then?" He asks, shaking Lan Zhan by the collar, their foreheads in contact. "What do I do, Lan Zhan? I can only save you from myself. I cannot save you from the world."
"What do I do then?" He asks, shaking Lan Zhan by the collar, their foreheads in contact. "What do I do, Lan Zhan? I can only save you from myself. I cannot save you from the world."
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Lan Zhan has no answer for his question. He only has himself. So he takes WWX's face and kisses him. Kisses him like he always does. Kisses him like he hasn't in ages.
He kisses him with all the want amassed over a decade and lets the surroundings dim down to a blur.
He kisses him with all the want amassed over a decade and lets the surroundings dim down to a blur.
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And when WWX flips them over, the rest leaves him too. He remembers nothing thereafter. Nothing but WWX's hands and mouth and tongue and teeth.
Over a bench under the magnolia tree.
——x——
Over a bench under the magnolia tree.
——x——
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They hobble up the train station fifteen minutes before Lan Zhan's train is set to arrive. Hand in hand, fingers entwined with all the tightness of another goodbye. He hadn't asked this time so WWX asks it himself.
"Will you think of me?"
Lan Zhan gives him a smile. "Should I?"
"Will you think of me?"
Lan Zhan gives him a smile. "Should I?"
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The train arrives, blaring it's horn like a siren.
"No," WWX says, getting out of his seat and picking up the violin case. "We cannot keep doing this. Get out of here, Lan Zhan. Leave this place. Call the french guy again, I'm sure he's still not over you."
"No," WWX says, getting out of his seat and picking up the violin case. "We cannot keep doing this. Get out of here, Lan Zhan. Leave this place. Call the french guy again, I'm sure he's still not over you."
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Lan Zhan gives him another smile. "Speaking from experience?"
WWX falls quiet. "Yes," he says after a moment. "Call him. I'll find a girl too. For real this time. I promise."
"You won't," Lan Zhan says and lets WWX help him with the bag. "And you know I won't."
WWX falls quiet. "Yes," he says after a moment. "Call him. I'll find a girl too. For real this time. I promise."
"You won't," Lan Zhan says and lets WWX help him with the bag. "And you know I won't."
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The last signal for departure goes off. They make their way over, again, hand in hand. WWX helps him step on the train even though Lan Zhan doesn't need it. He helps him with the luggage too.
Lan Zhan doesn't turn back until everything is inside. He cannot bring himself to.
Lan Zhan doesn't turn back until everything is inside. He cannot bring himself to.
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Within a few minutes, this train will take him north. And half an hour later, another will arrive that will take WWX south. The next they see each other will perhaps be after another seven years. Or perhaps never.
Lan Zhan turns.
Lan Zhan turns.
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There's a smile on WWX's face, with acceptance etched into every line of his face.
Lan Zhan's love hadn't allowed him to keep him once. Not without letting him have his chance at life, a life that was possible for him. Not without setting him free.
Lan Zhan's love hadn't allowed him to keep him once. Not without letting him have his chance at life, a life that was possible for him. Not without setting him free.
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But WWX had come back. And he keeps coming back. Over and over again.
Lan Zhan has only ever asked to be taken along. To follow wherever he went. To offer himself. Today, he outstretches his hand and says, "Come with me."
A tear slides down his cheek but WWX doesn't move.
Lan Zhan has only ever asked to be taken along. To follow wherever he went. To offer himself. Today, he outstretches his hand and says, "Come with me."
A tear slides down his cheek but WWX doesn't move.
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"You cannot save me from the world, Wei Ying," he tells him. "But you can be my world."
WWX stares at his hand. But he doesn't move. Lan Zhan's hand remains outstretched. And it remains empty.
WWX stares at his hand. But he doesn't move. Lan Zhan's hand remains outstretched. And it remains empty.
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"It will be awful with or without you," he adds. His voice has begun to splinter. "But with you, at least it will be worth it."
His body jerks when the train begins to move and Lan Zhan's eyes flutter shut. It feels like an ending that will not have another beginning.
His body jerks when the train begins to move and Lan Zhan's eyes flutter shut. It feels like an ending that will not have another beginning.
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But endings are all he has ever had. He refuses another one. His eyes snap open. He will jump if he has to.
Something falls, with a loud thud beside his feet. It WWX's bag, with his hand for the taking, running alongside and greatly out of breath.
Something falls, with a loud thud beside his feet. It WWX's bag, with his hand for the taking, running alongside and greatly out of breath.
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When Lan Zhan offers his hand again, WWX takes it. He stumbles over the steps and straight into Lan Zhan's arms, right as a grumpy guard appears, giving them a stink eye and slamming the door shut.
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Later, on the next station, they will get off and board another train. One that will take them east.
For now, they just sit beside each other and breathe.
~the end.
For now, they just sit beside each other and breathe.
~the end.
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[whew okay. this vv different from how I usually write so please go easy on me. I just wanted to try it out. I hope it wasn't confusing]
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top!
grey 🍁@cheerywhiskey
exes wangxian who meet at a train station thirteen years after breakup where they're meant to board for different routes except WWX arrives too late and misses his train, and LWJ's train get delayed by fourteen hours...
73
This fic is on ao3 now, expanded and revamped with a SAD ending. please pay heed to that. we already have a happy ending version so I wanted to write a sad one too.
archiveofourown.org/works/58397767
archiveofourown.org/works/58397767