#wangxian ps: i love you au, but make it canon divergent where,...
ron@ronniexian
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Sep 05, 2024
~7 min read
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#wangxian ps: i love you au, but make it canon divergent where, after the lans took lwj back to cr, wwx's brain actually processed lwj's words and he had the /oh/ moment, realizing not only lwj loves him, but that he, wwx, yllz, is also in love with hgj! Has always been.
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but alas, the realization is not enough to prevent him from being consumed by resentful energy and he only has time to do two things before he's torn apart by his own corpses: secure a-yuan in the hollow tree trunk,
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and light up the transportation talisman that'll take his thirteen-page letter to lwj, and then the fierce corpses get to him and wwx is gone.
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unfortunately, once he died, the talisman lost some of its power, and only the first page made it to lwj. Thankfully, that was the page he mentioned hiding a-yuan away.
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when the letter materializes by lwj's face as he lies on his stomach with a torn back and a bleeding heart, he almost thinks he's hallucinating it from pain.
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But his brain would never have been able to use that many words before getting to the point (which doesn't even seem to be the case as wwx's message is cut abruptly when he runs out of paper).
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and that's how lwj finds himself stumbling his way to the bm and then back to cr with a feverish child in his arms and no wei ying.
he thinks that's the end of it.
he thinks that's the end of it.
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he cherishes wwx's letter, even if it's mostly rambling and a request to come for a-yuan, he reads it over and over again when night comes and he cannot sleep, when a-yuan cries, missing those he barely remembers when the empty shape of wei ying hurts more than lwj's healing back
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he reads it and reads it and reads it.
and then, on the anniversary of wwx's death, another page comes.
lwj watches as it materializes above his bed, just like the first one, at the exact same time.
and then, on the anniversary of wwx's death, another page comes.
lwj watches as it materializes above his bed, just like the first one, at the exact same time.
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he's playing the guqin, not inquiry, not their song, he's simply playing, and then his fingers freeze on the strings when he hears the soft rustle as the page flutters down.
he knocks a knee on the low table in his rush to get to it.
he knocks a knee on the low table in his rush to get to it.
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the letter, when lwj can steady his hands enough to read it, picks up exactly where the first one ended. Except this one is less a cry for help and more reminiscing.
In rushed strokes wwx asks lwj if he remembers their first meeting under the moonlight,
In rushed strokes wwx asks lwj if he remembers their first meeting under the moonlight,
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he bemoans the loss of one of his emperor smile's jars, is emphatic about how much he's missed it over the years, the gusu flavor, he's sad that he'll never get to drink it again.
then he asks lwj to have a glass, just one, for him.
then he asks lwj to have a glass, just one, for him.
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lwj drinks the whole bottle and in the morning cannot recall the events that led him to get the wen sun burnt on his chest
he checks his hiding place under the loose floorboards and finds a couple of jars along with the two pages of wwx's letter. He reads the 2nd page again.
he checks his hiding place under the loose floorboards and finds a couple of jars along with the two pages of wwx's letter. He reads the 2nd page again.
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"I drank it," he tells the paper. "I did not enjoy it. If Wei Ying wants more he'll have to come and drink it himself."
no answer, no other page instantly materializing in front of him, lwj didn't expect it to, but he's still disappointed. He sighs softly & puts the letter away
no answer, no other page instantly materializing in front of him, lwj didn't expect it to, but he's still disappointed. He sighs softly & puts the letter away
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the next year it happens again.
lwj is starting to see a pattern.
lwj is starting to see a pattern.
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wwx's still talking about his summer in cr, he wishes he could've taken ayuan to caiyi town to eat loquats go to the market, then a boat ride till the sun went down. lwj'd have to come with, ofc cos they don't know the gusu dialect, wwx can't haggle if he doesnt know what to say
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"Though you wouldn't let me do that, would you, Lan Zhan? You'd just pay for everything, my rich gege."
lwj nearly damages the paper with how hard he's gripping the edges and he has to force his fingers open.
lwj nearly damages the paper with how hard he's gripping the edges and he has to force his fingers open.
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he reads it over and over until he can no longer keep his eyes open. He dreams about wwx being swallowed up by the waterborne abyss.
in the morning, he puts the third page away with the other, then takes a-yuan from his class to spend the day in caiyi.
in the morning, he puts the third page away with the other, then takes a-yuan from his class to spend the day in caiyi.
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lwj rents a boat, rubs a-yuan's back when he gets sick the first few minutes in the water, then teaches a-yuan how to buy loquats using the gusu dialect.
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when they get back, he is punished for taking a-yuan from his lessons and staying away past curfew, but it doesn't taint the enjoyment of the day.
lwj's heart is light even as he copies the rules over and over on a handstand.
lwj's heart is light even as he copies the rules over and over on a handstand.
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it goes on like this, every year he gets another page of wwx's letter. Every page tells him about things wwx wishes he could do again or for the first time, tho different from the first one, he doesn't actually ask lwj to do any of it, he simply says he'd like to do them together
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the pranks, the walks, the mundane, and the impossible. Wei Ying wanted to hug the world and he wanted lwj to do it with him.
wwx is not here anymore, so lwj does it for him.
wwx is not here anymore, so lwj does it for him.
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he meets people, steals chickens, teaches ayuan to shoot kites from high up in the sky, eats the spiciest dish in qinghe, tries making jyl's soup, picks up lotus seeds, swims naked under the moonlight
he steps outside his comfort zone so many times it loosens something up in him
he steps outside his comfort zone so many times it loosens something up in him
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there was so much life for wwx to live, so much he had yet to try. Lwj's heart aches as he goes, alone, on the journey wwx wanted to go on together
the pages are almost painful at first, making lwj miss him so bad he can barely breathe but as time goes by his heart quiets
the pages are almost painful at first, making lwj miss him so bad he can barely breathe but as time goes by his heart quiets
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lwj is used to waiting, he's always been patient, so he lives his life as best he can and when a new page appears, he cherishes like an old friend coming to visit, for that's exactly what it is.
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even wwx's tone changes over time, he also grows calmer, softer, he talks about settling down, about a cottage in the middle of nowhere, about fishing and making his own clothes, a quiet future where he can just be, he and...
that's how the 12th letter ends.
that's how the 12th letter ends.
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lwj is patient, yes, but an invisible hand still clenches his heart at the thought of having to wait another year to find out who's the one wwx wanted to share the rest of his life with.
when the 13th letter arrives, lwj is not in the jingshi.
when the 13th letter arrives, lwj is not in the jingshi.
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he didn't forget what day it was, he had expected to be home by now, but sizhui needed him and now...
he's near mo village, staring at the man who's not wei ying playing the song that only wwx would know.
he's near mo village, staring at the man who's not wei ying playing the song that only wwx would know.
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lwj manages to keep his composure til he gets back, an unconscious myx in his arms
then the doors to jingshi are closed and he all but runs to his bed
his heart's beating out of compass as he carefully deposits myx on it, eyes trained on the paper waiting for him by the pillow
then the doors to jingshi are closed and he all but runs to his bed
his heart's beating out of compass as he carefully deposits myx on it, eyes trained on the paper waiting for him by the pillow
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lwj picks it up with shaky hands.
"you. It's you, Lan Zhan, it's always been you. I love you too, er-gege. I'm sorry I didn't say it back in the cave, I'm sorry I'll probably be dead by the time you read this, but know that I love you, Lan Zhan."
"you. It's you, Lan Zhan, it's always been you. I love you too, er-gege. I'm sorry I didn't say it back in the cave, I'm sorry I'll probably be dead by the time you read this, but know that I love you, Lan Zhan."
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"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, in another life, let's meet again, huh, you have to promise, in another life, don't let me go. I promise you, next time you see me, I'll come back to Gusu with you."
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lwj is still crying by the time wwx wakes up.
"Lan Zhan?" he then sees the papers on lwj's hands, all 13 of them. "Oh."
"Never letting Wei Ying go. You promised."
wwx blinks, then he's crying too.
"I did."
"Lan Zhan?" he then sees the papers on lwj's hands, all 13 of them. "Oh."
"Never letting Wei Ying go. You promised."
wwx blinks, then he's crying too.
"I did."
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and that's it, wwx throws himself right into lwj's arms and kisses him because he made a promise and it's time to fulfill it.
the end!
thank you for reading, now from the top:
the end!
thank you for reading, now from the top:
ron@ronniexian
#wangxian ps: i love you au, but make it canon divergent where, after the lans took lwj back to cr, wwx's brain actually processed lwj's words and he had the /oh/ moment, realizing not only lwj loves him, but that he, wwx, yllz, is also in love with hgj! Has always been.