🔪 #wangxian au where teenji is just bursting with ALL these...
ron@ronniexian
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Sep 05, 2024
~8 min read
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🔪 #wangxian au where teenji is just bursting with ALL these feelings and emotions he doesn't know how to let out, so he writes poems in a notebook he carries around with him all the time.
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And you bet 90% of them are about wwx. It's just all like "you're the bane of my existence and the object of my desires" and it's all going well, wwx will never know about lwj's love, not crush, love, cause it's lwj and he has no chill.
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Then one day he gets distracted by the very object of his desires and forgets his notebook in the library.
Su she finds it.
Su she finds it.
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And he keeps it. He doesn't know what to do with it yet. He knows it's lwj's because ofc lwj would properly name his things, even if it's the notebook where he writes all the stuff he would never want anyone to know, ever.
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Su she's saving it to blackmail lwj or smth, but then one day he gets into an argument with wwx, who touches a nerve and su she immediately whips out the notebook and says: why don't you go kiss your little boyfriend, and starts reading lwj's poems right there in crowded hallway
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Lwj goes deathly pale, his hands shake, he thinks he's gonna be sick
Wwx pulls the notebook outta su she's hand. At first he laughs, he thinks su she is making things up cause lwj can barely stand wwx, he's not even sure they're friends even tho he tried very hard for them to be
Wwx pulls the notebook outta su she's hand. At first he laughs, he thinks su she is making things up cause lwj can barely stand wwx, he's not even sure they're friends even tho he tried very hard for them to be
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Then wwx looks down at the page.
It's lwj's neat, flawless handwriting, and it says, it says...
Wwx feels heat coming up to his cheeks.
The whole school is staring at them, su she has an awful glint in his eyes.
Wwx looks at lwj.
It's lwj's neat, flawless handwriting, and it says, it says...
Wwx feels heat coming up to his cheeks.
The whole school is staring at them, su she has an awful glint in his eyes.
Wwx looks at lwj.
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Lwj looks so small.
Wwx wants to comfort him, to tell him it's okay, whatever this is, he's not mad.
someone starts snickering.
Wwx freezes.
Someone else laughs.
Wwx looks away.
"keep me out of your weird fantasies, i'm not like that."
Wwx wants to comfort him, to tell him it's okay, whatever this is, he's not mad.
someone starts snickering.
Wwx freezes.
Someone else laughs.
Wwx looks away.
"keep me out of your weird fantasies, i'm not like that."
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Lwj stares at him for half a second more, long enough for wwx to see the hurt in his eyes, then he turns around and walks away.
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For the first time in his life lwj skips class and goes home. He locks himself in his room until his brother has to threaten to use the spare key to come and check on him.
Lwj has "held it together" the whole day but when lxc asks him what happened he breaks.
Lwj has "held it together" the whole day but when lxc asks him what happened he breaks.
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He cries himelf to sleep in his gege's arms for the first time since their mother died.
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He comes out to lxc, lxc comes out to him.
They talk to lqr, tho lwj doesn't say anything about the notebook or what wwx said.
Lwj doesn't go to school the following day, a friday.
Come monday, lxc drops him off and makes lwj promise to call him if anything happens.
They talk to lqr, tho lwj doesn't say anything about the notebook or what wwx said.
Lwj doesn't go to school the following day, a friday.
Come monday, lxc drops him off and makes lwj promise to call him if anything happens.
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Turns out he didn't have to worry cause after he left on thursday, wwx punched su she in the face and all hell broke loose.
In the end, su she had a broken nose and was suspended for a week.
Wwx was expelled.
In the end, su she had a broken nose and was suspended for a week.
Wwx was expelled.
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Nobody dares to say anything to lwj cause everyone was already lowkey afraid of him, plus his family kinda owns the school.
Lwj can't tell if he's relieved or devastated. All he knows is that wei ying is gone, and he's numb.
Lwj can't tell if he's relieved or devastated. All he knows is that wei ying is gone, and he's numb.
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His notebook is also gone, he doesn't care, he'd have torn it to pieces if he'd gotten it back.
Lwj starts seeing a therapist the year he turns 18.
He never writes again.
Lwj starts seeing a therapist the year he turns 18.
He never writes again.
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It's 13 years later when they meet again.
It's nielan's 5 year anniversary and they decide to have a little get together which ofc blows out of proportion when nmj lets nhs organize it.
He rents an entire venue and invites what seems to be half the city.
It's nielan's 5 year anniversary and they decide to have a little get together which ofc blows out of proportion when nmj lets nhs organize it.
He rents an entire venue and invites what seems to be half the city.
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This includes recently back in town wwx.
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Lwj spots him right away and suddenly he's 15 and he's in love for the 1st time and doesn't even know it, he's 16 and he has poured his entire soul onto the pages of his notebook cause it had nowhere else to go, he's 17 and his world is crashing down, he's 18 and he barely is.
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He avoids wwx the whole night.
But ofc, ofc the fates hate him and he enters the restroom just in time to catch wwx making out with one of nhs's guests.
Lwj really thought he had met his quota of surprises when it comes to wwx, clearly, he was wrong.
But ofc, ofc the fates hate him and he enters the restroom just in time to catch wwx making out with one of nhs's guests.
Lwj really thought he had met his quota of surprises when it comes to wwx, clearly, he was wrong.
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Wwx opens his eyes when he hears the door and freezes when they meet lwj's. The guy kissing him gets annoyed with the lack of response, tries to get his attention, fails, then leaves the restroom with a huff.
Lwj keeps staring at wwx.
Wwx stares back.
Lwj keeps staring at wwx.
Wwx stares back.
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Then he chuckles, "hey, lan zhan."
"motherfucker."
Wwx's eyes widen, he's never heard lwj swear before, lwj is all proper, lwj is...
closing the distance between them and crowding wwx against the wall.
"motherfucker."
Wwx's eyes widen, he's never heard lwj swear before, lwj is all proper, lwj is...
closing the distance between them and crowding wwx against the wall.
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They used to be almost the same height, but lwj is taller than him now, wwx has to look up to face him.
His mouth feels dry all of the sudden, which is weird cause his lips are still wet from kissing what's-his-face just now.
His mouth feels dry all of the sudden, which is weird cause his lips are still wet from kissing what's-his-face just now.
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(cause here's the thing, wwx also spotted lwj right away, and guilt was eating him alive, so why not drink and make out with some random dude instead of facing his demons??)
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Wwx wipes his face with the back of his hands then licks his lips.
"in my defense, i really didn't know i was bi back then."
Lwj gets closer.
"do you now?"
Wwx gulps then nods.
"in my defense, i really didn't know i was bi back then."
Lwj gets closer.
"do you now?"
Wwx gulps then nods.
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Lwj has no idea what he's doing but he has a hand on the wall by wwx's face, the other has made its way to wwx's waist and the next thing he knows they're kissing
Wwx's hands are in his hair, his chest, his ass, everywhere at once and lwj is no better
He locks the restroom door
Wwx's hands are in his hair, his chest, his ass, everywhere at once and lwj is no better
He locks the restroom door
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They get each other off right there, with one of lwj's hands holding wwx to the mirror so he can watch.
The moment they're done lwj's mind clears and he walks away.
He thinks this is it, it was a mistake, but he can live with it, he will never have to see wwx again.
The moment they're done lwj's mind clears and he walks away.
He thinks this is it, it was a mistake, but he can live with it, he will never have to see wwx again.
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Except now wwx is everywhere.
And it happens again.
And again.
And it happens again.
And again.
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They have sex almost every time they meet at random events, and once they're done they go their separate ways.
They don't talk about it
Til someone (nhs) brings it up when they are out in a bar somewhere.
There's an awkward silence and then wwx excuses himself to the restroom.
They don't talk about it
Til someone (nhs) brings it up when they are out in a bar somewhere.
There's an awkward silence and then wwx excuses himself to the restroom.
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Lwj, because this is wx, goes after him.
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Wwx is sitting on the floor, shaking, when lwj finds him.
"i don't think i can have sex right now."
"wei ying? that's not why i'm here, are you okay?"
"ofc not, lan zhan. how can you be okay? i hurt you! i hurt you so much."
"i don't think i can have sex right now."
"wei ying? that's not why i'm here, are you okay?"
"ofc not, lan zhan. how can you be okay? i hurt you! i hurt you so much."
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And then wwx is crying and lwj feels lost and they're both miserable for a moment then lwj breaks the silence.
"you did," he admits quietly.
"you did," he admits quietly.
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"then why, why are we still, why do you..."
"because i still love you," lwj tells him quietly.
Wwx cries harder.
"you shouldn't love me, i..."
"that is not for you to decide."
Lwj offers wwx a hand up and, after a moment just staring at it, wwx takes it.
"because i still love you," lwj tells him quietly.
Wwx cries harder.
"you shouldn't love me, i..."
"that is not for you to decide."
Lwj offers wwx a hand up and, after a moment just staring at it, wwx takes it.
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"i still have it, your notebook."
Lwj inhales sharply.
Lwj inhales sharply.
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"yeah, uh, there was a time, when uh, things were tough." lwj has gotten glimpses of it, the jiangs kicked wwx out after what happened, he feels... lwj feels a lot about that. "and your words were the only thing that got me through them, lan zhan, you have no idea."
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"wei ying?"
"and i don't know what we're doing here, i have no idea, but i don't wanna stop, and i feel... i feel like i'm getting away with something... you should hate me, lan zhan."
"and i don't know what we're doing here, i have no idea, but i don't wanna stop, and i feel... i feel like i'm getting away with something... you should hate me, lan zhan."
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"i, i was hurt," lwj tells him again, cause it's true and honesty is important. "but what's in my heart... it never changed, wei ying, i have always loved you."
Wwx chuckles wetly, running the back of his hands under his eyes.
"but?"
Wwx chuckles wetly, running the back of his hands under his eyes.
"but?"
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"no buts. you made a mistake when you were 17, i forgive you," lwj only realizes it as he says it, it's true, he's forgiven wei ying a long time ago. "wei ying?"
"yeah?"
"would you like to start over?"
"yeah?"
"would you like to start over?"
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wwx blinks and some wayward tears fall.
Nevertheless, he smiles, then nods.
"yeah, uh, we can do it right this time around, get to know each other, take things slow, the whole shebang."
"mn," lwj agrees.
Nevertheless, he smiles, then nods.
"yeah, uh, we can do it right this time around, get to know each other, take things slow, the whole shebang."
"mn," lwj agrees.
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They don't, wwx moves in with lwj three months into their relationship and they're married a year later.
Lwj starts writing again.
The end!
Lwj starts writing again.
The end!
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From the top:
ron@ronniexian
🔪 #wangxian au where teenji is just bursting with ALL these feelings and emotions he doesn't know how to let out, so he writes poems in a notebook he carries around with him all the time.
