tw alcoholism // modern #wangxian au wwx comes back to his hometown...
ron@ronniexian
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Sep 05, 2024
~14 min read
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tw alcoholism // modern #wangxian au wwx comes back to his hometown after 13 years for, *waves hands* reasons, and he's been sober for some years now, but being back and seeing his family again is a bit too much and he needs to find an AA chapter.
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The kid at the coffee shop (*throws dice*, OZZ) tells him they have regular meetings at the town's community center so wwx goes. Imagine his surprise when he gets there (a little late, cause this is wwx we're talking about) and the one running the meeting is none other than lwj!
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He can't believe his eyes. Why is lwj doing this? Lwj didn't even drink back when... when wwx was part of his life (and an annoying one at that, if he says so himself). Did things change so drastically that the squarest person he's ever met succumbed to addiction just like him?
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Well, there's no time to dwell on any of that cause lwj, ofc, sees him right away and is all Very Dramatic as they stare at each other for the first time in 13 years and romantic music starts playing (but that's just someone's phone, whoops).
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But lwj is a professional, and he invites wwx to take a seat, and although wwx doesn't say anything the whole meeting, he can feel lwj's eyes boring onto him every time there's a break between people telling their stories.
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Wwx hangs back when the meeting is over and helps lwj fold the chairs and stack them against the wall. Neither of them says anything until they're all done and the space is clean. Only then lwj clears his throat and goes:
"Wei Ying."
"Hi, Lan Zhan."
"You're here."
"Wei Ying."
"Hi, Lan Zhan."
"You're here."
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Wwx manages to summon a smile. "Surprise!" He waves his hands. "Bet you thought you'd never have to deal with me again."
But, to his surprise, lwj shakes his head and says, "I am glad to see you. I... hope the meeting was helpful."
But, to his surprise, lwj shakes his head and says, "I am glad to see you. I... hope the meeting was helpful."
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Wwx, after taking a moment to recover from the shock of hearing those words, checks in with himself and realizes that from the minute he spotted lwj, there was no space for anything else in his brain, let alone any cravings.
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"It was," he tells him honestly. "Thank you."
Lwj doesn't seem very happy to be thanked so wwx quickly changes the subject. Figures, he's been here for only an hour and he's already making lwj angry. He's gotta change that.
Lwj doesn't seem very happy to be thanked so wwx quickly changes the subject. Figures, he's been here for only an hour and he's already making lwj angry. He's gotta change that.
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"Hey, do you wanna go get a coffee... or tea. I know you prefer tea."
This time the expression on lwj's face is one of regret. "Apologies. My son is waiting for me."
Wwx is pretty sure his mind goes blank for a whole minute there. "You have a kid."
"Mn. A-Yuan, he's six."
This time the expression on lwj's face is one of regret. "Apologies. My son is waiting for me."
Wwx is pretty sure his mind goes blank for a whole minute there. "You have a kid."
"Mn. A-Yuan, he's six."
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"So you're married."
"I am not. He is adopted."
And honestly, wwx is too old to pretend the thing that he feels at that is something other than pure relief.
"I am not. He is adopted."
And honestly, wwx is too old to pretend the thing that he feels at that is something other than pure relief.
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So they go their separate ways, but not before exchanging numbers. And wwx, who was never good at self-control to begin with, ends up texting lwj the moment he gets home.
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He sends lwj a picture of his sad microwaved dinner, bemoaning the fact that he forgot to buy a bottle of chili oil when he got to town this morning and all his stuff is still in organized chaos inside the moving boxes.
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He's pretty sure lwj won't answer (no talking during meals, he remembers), but not even a minute later his phone vibrates with a new text. Lwj sent him a picture of wwx's favorite brand of chili oil, which is sitting on what seems to be his countertop, in his kitchen
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So you acquired taste, at last, he teases via text.
Unfortunately, I have not. It is for guests, lwj send back.
Wwx nearly invites himself to be a guest right then and there, but he catches himself before his thumb hits send and then backspaces the whole message
Unfortunately, I have not. It is for guests, lwj send back.
Wwx nearly invites himself to be a guest right then and there, but he catches himself before his thumb hits send and then backspaces the whole message
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He thinks about it for a bit as his heart gets back in order, and then types:
Ofc you'd be the most considerate host
They end up talking about this and that until lwj says he needs to go put his kid to bed.
Ofc you'd be the most considerate host
They end up talking about this and that until lwj says he needs to go put his kid to bed.
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Meanwhile, wwx feels wide awake so he spends most of the night unpacking, and by the time he goes to sleep his brain still has enough fuel to bring back memories from when they were kids and how the best parts of wwx's days were the ones Lan Zhan was with him.
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(so wwx's life with the jiangs here was pretty much like canon and that plus his already shaky mental health drove him to drink from a very early age)
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For the most part of his teenage years, wwx thought lwj hated him. He thought that because he, for the most part of his teenage years, gave lwj every reason to hate him. Wwx teased him, he laughed too loud, he broke the rules, he drank, he drank so much.
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And, aside from the drinking, everything else he did was to get lwj's attention, to get him to look at wwx, because when lwj looked at wwx it was the only moment wwx felt seen.
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So he riled him up, and he riled him up until he one day realized he had annoyed lwj into a friendship, until they were not teens anymore and lwj would seek him out too, would spend time with him not because wwx wouldn't leave, but because he wanted to.
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Now when wwx teased him lwj would just shake his head exasperated rather than annoyed, when wwx laughed too hard lwj's lips would sometimes curl up on a little smile which would in turn make wwx choke on the air in lungs and accuse lwj of fighting dirty.
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Now there were no rules to break, at least not the ones from cloud recesses.
Now they were adults, or some semblance of it, off to university but still living at home cause it was close.
Now they were adults, or some semblance of it, off to university but still living at home cause it was close.
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And wwx couldn't wait for the start of the rest of their lives, he didn't really know where he was going, but he knew lwj would be there too, so it was okay.
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And then he crashed the family car while jiejie and her stupid boyfriend were inside of it and madam yu slapped his face that was freshly bruised from the airbags and then everything went to shit.
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And now it's 13 years later and jc talks to him again even tho it's not the same, and jiejie hugs him as no time has passed at all and lwj... and lwj...
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Wwx knows lwj is now a psychologist and that he specialized in working with addiction, he works with adults, but most of his patients are teenagers.
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Between coffees after aa meetings and daily texts wwx tells him about the several odd jobs he's had over the years until he settled on his current one (something remote that i can't think of now).
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Wwx meets a-yuan and bichen (lwj's bunny), he bonds with his nephew by way of getting puked/ pissed on by an 11-month old that's definitely doing it on purpose! He has awkward lunches with jc and he goes out with nhs and little by little he starts to carve a space for him again.
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He feels like he's doing well, and he hasn't craved a drink since he first arrived, but he still goes to the aa meetings religiously, he's even told parts of his story some times, but if he were honest with himself he'd have to admit the reason he goes so frequently is one: lwj
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Wwx still hasn't worked out the courage to ask lwj how the hell did he end up mediating aa meetings when he's never had a vice in his entire life.
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But other than that, he's grown up enough to realize that this thing he's cultivating with lwj now is a step further from the friendship of their youth.
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He doesn't want to jinx himself, but he's pretty sure they're on the same page when he shamelessly flirts through their texts
But there's still that one puzzle piece missing and since wwx is too much of a coward to ask lwj about it he ends up going to his second best option: lxc
But there's still that one puzzle piece missing and since wwx is too much of a coward to ask lwj about it he ends up going to his second best option: lxc
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Lxc is in the middle of showing the 50th sunset photo from his last camping trip with nmj when wwx's patience hits its limit
"Why is Lan Zhan running AA meetings? He's not an alcoholic."
Lxc puts his phone down. "No, he's not." he agrees then he takes another sip of his tea.
"Why is Lan Zhan running AA meetings? He's not an alcoholic."
Lxc puts his phone down. "No, he's not." he agrees then he takes another sip of his tea.
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Wwx has a feeling that lxc's being difficult on purpose. He doesn't get it, he's pretty sure he never did anything to lxc.
Well.
He takes a breath and tries again.
"So what happened? Did he lose someone?"
Well.
He takes a breath and tries again.
"So what happened? Did he lose someone?"
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Lxc takes another sip of his tea. Wwx balls his hands under the table so he doesn't smack the cup out off lxc's hands and causes a scene in the middle of the coffee shop.
"In a way," lxc answers after a small eternity.
"In a way," lxc answers after a small eternity.
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Wwx frowns. Maybe this is about a-yuan. Tho lwj has told him about it a bit and wwx remembers the wens, vaguely. He opens his mouth but, before he can say anything, lxc shakes his head and speaks again:
"You really are clueless, aren't you?
"You really are clueless, aren't you?
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"What are you talking about?"
"Who do you think Wangji has lost to alcohol?"
Something cold and unpleasant settles heavily on the pit of wwx's stomach. "I don't know," he mutters.
Lxc's glares at him. It's the first time wwx has ever seen him this angry.
"Who do you think Wangji has lost to alcohol?"
Something cold and unpleasant settles heavily on the pit of wwx's stomach. "I don't know," he mutters.
Lxc's glares at him. It's the first time wwx has ever seen him this angry.
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"How can you not know? How can you still not know? Wangji changed his music major to psychology, he dedicated his entire career to help those who struggle with addiction, especially teenagers, so that they can have a chance before they fall too hard...
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and for those who have reached rock bottom, he still found a way to help them, to make a difference in all these strangers' lives because he watched firsthand what alcohol can do to someone and he feels immense guilt because he thinks he couldn't help the one he loved the most!"
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Wwx only realizes he's crying because lxc is suddenly a blurred shape in front of him.
"What are you talking about? Lan Zhan..."
"What are you talking about? Lan Zhan..."
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"Lan Zhan what?" lxc smacks his open palm on the table. "Loves you so much that he shaped his whole life around you? Feels like he couldn't help you so strives to help others in the same situation you were?"
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"He... he never said anything," wwx mutters.
"Like you would have listened. I know it's unfair to blame you for my brother's pain, you were sick and in a terrible situation, but I was still the one across the wall hearing Wangji as he tried to muffle his cries...
"Like you would have listened. I know it's unfair to blame you for my brother's pain, you were sick and in a terrible situation, but I was still the one across the wall hearing Wangji as he tried to muffle his cries...
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"I was still the one who had to coax him from his room when he holed up there for three months after you left. I am immensely proud of how my brother managed to turn his grief into something productive and helpful, but it was still grief, and he still hurt...
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"So forgive me for being blunt, but i cannot watch you flirt around with him as if the past never happened."
Wwx tries to wipe his face, but it seems like a useless effort when he can't stop crying.
"I didn't know," he confesses quietly. "I didn't see."
Wwx tries to wipe his face, but it seems like a useless effort when he can't stop crying.
"I didn't know," he confesses quietly. "I didn't see."
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"I know. Wangji knows. He never once asked anything of you, he never would. All he ever wanted was for you to be happy."
Wwx wants to break down sobbing but he's already wasted so much time.
He gets up so fast his chair falls backwards.
Wwx wants to break down sobbing but he's already wasted so much time.
He gets up so fast his chair falls backwards.
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He's about to sprint out of the café when he realizes two things: 1. he hasn't paid for his coffee, now cold and still untouched on the table, and 2. he doesn't know where lwj is right now.
He throws his most pathetic, begging look at lxc, who sighs.
"Go. He's at his office."
He throws his most pathetic, begging look at lxc, who sighs.
"Go. He's at his office."
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The office is not far from the café but wwx hasn't run since high school and he's completely out of breath when he gets there.
"Lan Zhan," he pants at the secretary. "I... need to talk... to Lan Zhan."
They give him a once-over so dry wwx will need to moisturize tonight.
"Lan Zhan," he pants at the secretary. "I... need to talk... to Lan Zhan."
They give him a once-over so dry wwx will need to moisturize tonight.
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"Dr. Lan is seeing a patient now."
Wwx nods. "Okay, okay, can you tell him Wei Wuxian is here? It's... can you tell him that?"
"No," they tell him, completely unimpressed. "But you are welcome to wait."
So, with no other alternative, wwx waits.
Wwx nods. "Okay, okay, can you tell him Wei Wuxian is here? It's... can you tell him that?"
"No," they tell him, completely unimpressed. "But you are welcome to wait."
So, with no other alternative, wwx waits.
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Thankfully, he doesn't have to wait for long.
"Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan says when he spots wwx in his waiting room.
"Lan Zhan!" Wwx stands up so fast he gets a bit woozy. "Lan Zhan. I love you!"
"Wei Ying?" Lan Zhan says when he spots wwx in his waiting room.
"Lan Zhan!" Wwx stands up so fast he gets a bit woozy. "Lan Zhan. I love you!"
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The secretary snorts, the patient, who looks like she'd been crying, is now trying hard not to laugh. And lwj? Lwj is staring at wwx like he's never seen him before.
"Word of advice," the secretary says, then points at lwj's office. "Take it inside."
"Word of advice," the secretary says, then points at lwj's office. "Take it inside."
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The patient hurries out of there holding her hands over her mouth. The secretary rolls their eyes. Lwj is still silent but he steps aside to let wwx into his office.
"I love you," wwx repeats as soon as they're inside. Just in case lwj didn't think he was serious a minute ago.
"I love you," wwx repeats as soon as they're inside. Just in case lwj didn't think he was serious a minute ago.
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"Wei Ying?"
"I talked to you brother," wwx confesses
Lwj closes his eyes. "Whatever he said..."
"Was what i needed to hear," wwx completes. "Lan Zhan, I've loved you for so long but I wasn't in a good place, I didn't think I deserved love, and... and I hurt you because of it"
"I talked to you brother," wwx confesses
Lwj closes his eyes. "Whatever he said..."
"Was what i needed to hear," wwx completes. "Lan Zhan, I've loved you for so long but I wasn't in a good place, I didn't think I deserved love, and... and I hurt you because of it"
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"You do. Love is not a matter of deserving, but you do deserve to be loved. You are loved." Wwx gasps. "You were a child in an unsafe environment who found an unhealthy coping mechanism. It was not your fault. And it did not make me love you any less."
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Some primal, magnetic force brings wwx to lwj's personal space before he's even aware that his feet are moving. He brings a trembling hand up to lwj's face.
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"You were a kid too. It wasn't your job to fix me." Lwj closes his eyes. Wwx brings his other hand to cup his face. "Lan Zhan, look at me." It takes a heartbeat or two, but eventually, he does.
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His eyes are welled up with unshed tears. He's so beautiful wwx can barely breathe. "You are so good. I love you so much. It took me so long to realize that, but I know now, Lan Zhan. And if you'd have me..."
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"Will have Wei Ying. Always."
And what can wwx do but kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. Their mouths are salty with tears and their teeth clash a couple of times but you couldn't pull wwx out of lwj's arms with a crowbar.
And what can wwx do but kiss him and kiss him and kiss him. Their mouths are salty with tears and their teeth clash a couple of times but you couldn't pull wwx out of lwj's arms with a crowbar.
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Wwx's feet are barely touching the ground and an absurd part of him thinks he might be floating from happiness. Well, if happiness had two very strong arms that are currently holding him so tight wwx feels safe for the first time in his life.
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The knock on the door doesn't make them stop, but the nosy secretary sticking their head inside the office does.
"Dr. Lan, your 3 o'clock is here." Wwx can't see their face but he knows they're smirking. "Should I reschedule?"
"Dr. Lan, your 3 o'clock is here." Wwx can't see their face but he knows they're smirking. "Should I reschedule?"
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Lan Zhan steps away, then around his desk. He straightens his tie like that will make a difference. Wwx smiles at him. He smiles back.
"No," lwj says at last. "I will see them in a moment."
The secretary throws him a lazy salute. "Sure, boss." Then finally leaves them alone.
"No," lwj says at last. "I will see them in a moment."
The secretary throws him a lazy salute. "Sure, boss." Then finally leaves them alone.
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"Come to dinner," lwj asks as soon as the door is closed. "After the meeting."
Wwx lets out a little embarrassed laugh and scratches at the back of his neck. "Erm, about that. I don't actually need to go to every meeting, you know. I'm doing... I've been doing well."
Wwx lets out a little embarrassed laugh and scratches at the back of his neck. "Erm, about that. I don't actually need to go to every meeting, you know. I'm doing... I've been doing well."
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To his surprise, lwj lets out a small huff, a laugh. "I know. I can tell."
"Lan Zhan. Were you giving me face or letting me make a fool of myself?"
"Lan Zhan. Were you giving me face or letting me make a fool of myself?"
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Lwj shakes his head as he approaches wwx again. "Neither. Was simply glad to have Wei Ying there." He shakes his head again, this time like he's admonishing himself. "Selfish."
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"Ayia~ as if you had one selfish bone in your body!" When lwj is within grabbing distance, wwx draws him into another hug. "Lan Zhan," he calls quietly, from the comfort of lwj's chest. "I'll be with you all the time now. You won't get rid of me." It's part threat, part promise
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"Mn. Good," lwj replies. He kisses the crown of wwx's head. "Will never let Wei Ying go again."
He ends up having to reschedule his 3 o'clock.
The end.
He ends up having to reschedule his 3 o'clock.
The end.
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