People with High Narcissistic Traits (HNT) feel terrified when...
Dr. Nicole LePera@Theholisticpsyc
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Apr 21, 2026
~2 min read
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People with High Narcissistic Traits (HNT) feel terrified when they're emotionally intimate with people.
They want to run.
Why You Feel Alone In Relationships With Them:
They want to run.
Why You Feel Alone In Relationships With Them:
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People with high narcissistic traits have had many attachment injuries during childhood.
This left them with the belief that they're broken, shameful, and defective.
They cope with this through "needing no one."
This left them with the belief that they're broken, shameful, and defective.
They cope with this through "needing no one."
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Of course, we all seek human connection.
So they commit to people, but ultimately feel smothered and overwhelmed.
They shut down, give the silent treatment, or fantasize about having their freedom again.
So they commit to people, but ultimately feel smothered and overwhelmed.
They shut down, give the silent treatment, or fantasize about having their freedom again.
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Relationships require vulnerability.
The narcissist is consumed with the fear of emotional intimacy. They don't want to experience humiliation or shame again.
But you want deeper connection.
The narcissist is consumed with the fear of emotional intimacy. They don't want to experience humiliation or shame again.
But you want deeper connection.
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This is when they begin relationship sabotage.
As you push for connection, they start adapting to their typical avoidance coping mechanisms.
As you push for connection, they start adapting to their typical avoidance coping mechanisms.
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This looks like:
- talking over you constantly
- deflection
- mocking or minimizing your needs
- constantly making jokes (can never be serious)
- accusing you of things (sometimes paranoia)
- disappearing for periods of time
- talking over you constantly
- deflection
- mocking or minimizing your needs
- constantly making jokes (can never be serious)
- accusing you of things (sometimes paranoia)
- disappearing for periods of time
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Their inner world is chaos so...
They only feel safe when they can control.
They dominate and control through acting out.
They only feel safe when they can control.
They dominate and control through acting out.
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Acting out is a left over coping mechanism form childhood.
It looks like:
- showing up late
- cancelling last minute
- refusing to collaborate on decisions
- giving the silent treatment
- leaving you waiting, often
- constantly changing their mind
It looks like:
- showing up late
- cancelling last minute
- refusing to collaborate on decisions
- giving the silent treatment
- leaving you waiting, often
- constantly changing their mind
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As you feel more and more alone, you start to abandon yourself. You avoid certain topics, talk yourself out of your own needs, and start to feel like you're just "too much."
But you stay, hoping they'll finally see what they have.
But you stay, hoping they'll finally see what they have.
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But they don't have that capacity because they're at war with themselves.
They can't fully let you in, because they haven't even began to accept themselves.
They are frozen emotionally in childhood, and physically appear as an adult.
They can't fully let you in, because they haven't even began to accept themselves.
They are frozen emotionally in childhood, and physically appear as an adult.
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You feel alone, because you are.
They're a million miles away. Always in flight mode. Always planning the next trip, escape, drink, or anything else that helps them leave their body.
You can't connect with someone who always wants to escape.
They're a million miles away. Always in flight mode. Always planning the next trip, escape, drink, or anything else that helps them leave their body.
You can't connect with someone who always wants to escape.
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You'll leave feeling empowered.
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