You feel you're doing all the work in your relationship. Your needs...
Dr. Nicole LePera@Theholisticpsyc
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Feb 20, 2026
~1 min read
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You feel you're doing all the work in your relationship.
Your needs feel too much.
You wonder if you're the problem.
Why they may have avoidant attachment:
Your needs feel too much.
You wonder if you're the problem.
Why they may have avoidant attachment:
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About 25% of people have an avoidant attachment style. Avoidant people have a constant feeling of pressure and a fear of vulnerability.
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The needs of other people are highly overwhelming. Isolation and alone time where they're not perceived by others are where they most feel "themselves."
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Typically, they find themselves with people who have anxious attachment. As their partner pushes for more connection, time, and closeness, pressure builds up in their body.
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Unable to communicate this, they can leave their partner questioning themselves. Their partners start to feel like they're asking for too much or feel shame for wanting connection.
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Many people with avoidant attachment grew up with extremely strict or chaotic childhoods. They cope with this through a strong love of novelty over consistency.
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For examples:
- nomadic lifestyles
- traveling as escape
- cycling through many relationships
- "extreme" hobbies (adrenaline rushes)
- stopping and starting new things constantly
- nomadic lifestyles
- traveling as escape
- cycling through many relationships
- "extreme" hobbies (adrenaline rushes)
- stopping and starting new things constantly
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When people get too close, they can self sabotage. Their core belief is "people who love me will leave" and "a part of me is not lovable."
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For people with avoidant attachment, any conflict feels like a chore. They prefer things to be easy, and when they're not they can go into fantasy mode.
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It's a lonely experience for their partners who slowly expect less and less. They face a painful truth that the emotional intimacy they desire cannot be met by a person intent on pushing it away.
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Have you experienced this?
Share in the comments...
Share in the comments...