You know what is crazy? For the first time ever, I feel safer...
dearsarah@dearsarah
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Jan 05, 2025
~13 min read
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You know what is crazy? For the first time ever, I feel safer because of Twitter!!!
Since December 2006, I’ve told the story of my relationships, with these men & these institutions & these events in real time, as it happened. And sometimes you have joined in. It is wild.
Since December 2006, I’ve told the story of my relationships, with these men & these institutions & these events in real time, as it happened. And sometimes you have joined in. It is wild.
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Thank my genetics I’ve thought in search terms, hashtags & threads since before they existed.and that I have infinite patience for mindnumbing manual tasks that compose arguments, stories & empathy
Still out my of body, but suddenly it is not a ? of believing me retrospectively?
Still out my of body, but suddenly it is not a ? of believing me retrospectively?
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Tomorrow I’ll create chronological moments of every Tweet I wrote about my experience at the MediaLab, with these men I believed in, the events I delighted in, until
x.com/dearsarah/stat… I’m still on shock but manual tasks have really shifted my narrative. It’s bonkers,
x.com/dearsarah/stat… I’m still on shock but manual tasks have really shifted my narrative. It’s bonkers,
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It’ll start with producing & programming the first conference/event held at the new building, just a week after it opened. (Though not with this tweet) (I didn’t do this alone obviously, but I am done underselling my UNPAID contributions) x.com/dearsarah/stat… #MITStory3
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Wanna know the ONE thing I am most ashamed? Especially since I am an excellent negotiator and to this day, advise women & PoC on negotiating! THEY NEVER PAID ME!! x.com/dearsarah/stat… (I definitely benefited, don’t get me wrong, and i fucking loved it!! And those men!) 🤯
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(I did get reimbursed for some travel. But sometimes not? It was a mess—there seeming was no budget at all and for a while there was no director.
But again I benefited.
Nonetheless it was nonsense...and should’ve never happened that way. It was no one’s fault by design.
But again I benefited.
Nonetheless it was nonsense...and should’ve never happened that way. It was no one’s fault by design.
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It was no one’s fault by design is actually a perfect description of our powerlessness, huh?
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Well that was a hassle!
I’m watching myself try to get ahead of the story of my unimportance, unworthiness, etc.& wondering/half hoping that actually I’m wrong. And that it actually was just my work?
Don’t worry: I know this isn’t true (& I've got receipts). So this won't work
I’m watching myself try to get ahead of the story of my unimportance, unworthiness, etc.& wondering/half hoping that actually I’m wrong. And that it actually was just my work?
Don’t worry: I know this isn’t true (& I've got receipts). So this won't work
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I'm too traumatized to know whether this is an insane response. I recognize it is absurd that anyone would feel compelled to go to this extent to pre-justify my experience for public consumption—but, well, I really really want to not hate everyone? Especially folks I’ve adored?
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So if it is self indulgent, don’t read this!! It is way too long!!!! In part because I feared being accused of leaving anything out—& because my judgment isn't exactly at his height.
But before I share, I’ll try to self-soothe with some repetitive over-explanation☺
But before I share, I’ll try to self-soothe with some repetitive over-explanation☺
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I’ve been in a bit of a state of shock/trauma since this all has been going on? My whole narrative is suddenly unraveling. I hadn’t even recognized I’d been telling myself my work wasn’t good enough—or considered why else I could’ve been excluded. I presumed carelessness? Its ugh
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But looking back—& realizing just how much I actually did & how great it was—is very gratifying!
On the plus side, it wasn’t about me, but also on the minus side, it wasn’t about me?
It is hard to imagine it being that binary.But that is by design--& why it is bigger than me
On the plus side, it wasn’t about me, but also on the minus side, it wasn’t about me?
It is hard to imagine it being that binary.But that is by design--& why it is bigger than me
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Some prior brief background/color: I went to HLS from 1998-2001. I had criminal law with Dershowitz; it was around the time he met Epstein & joined the Cambridge/Martha’s Vineyard scene. Via the internet crowd, I became aware of Epstein. I also worked at the Berkman Center (BCIS)
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It was rad! I ran a reading group with Zittrain; I was a Teaching Fellow for Nesson. I’d known Barlow since before law school. We did a private conference with the MediaLab on Napster! (if only there’d been Twitter then!). (but lol: I still have the DVDS!!!!)
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Of the early internet crowd, I’m not sure who wasn’t at BCIS at that moment?
It is when I first met Joi (though I’m sure he’d not remember). Creative Commons was becoming a thing. There was lots of Microsoft angst;0 Lessig, Terry Fisher, Barlow, Nesson, Zittrain. Ethan too?
It is when I first met Joi (though I’m sure he’d not remember). Creative Commons was becoming a thing. There was lots of Microsoft angst;0 Lessig, Terry Fisher, Barlow, Nesson, Zittrain. Ethan too?
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Also Ben Edelman, then a high school aged college-student. Glenn Brown. John Palfrey. Becca Nesson, Wendy Seltzer. Esther Dyson. So many folks I like & admire; half of whom were classmates
Other classmates but not at BCIS: Katie Porter, Julian & Joaquin Castro. So many more!
Other classmates but not at BCIS: Katie Porter, Julian & Joaquin Castro. So many more!
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& Jodi Kantor (for just a week! Doubt she’d remember meeting me, but I remember her & was very impressed she decided to drop out immediately!)
Also, I had Tribe for ConLaw during the 2000 election; he never missed a class.
Deepest regret: not taking Bankruptcy with @ewarren.
Also, I had Tribe for ConLaw during the 2000 election; he never missed a class.
Deepest regret: not taking Bankruptcy with @ewarren.
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Anyway, after I graduated, it was 9/11..I spent a year traveling & making a film…moved to LA…was a lawyer for a heartbeat..quit to work in film biz…then Web 2.0 added all my dreams together & inspired some more.
In this crowd, the men got very rich; women including me did not
In this crowd, the men got very rich; women including me did not
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Obviously this 10 year time line doesn’t include many other things I was doing, with other folks, etc.. It’s what I was doing there, with these institutions & this crowd of people. It also doesn’t include all the other stuff I did that I didn’t tweet about!
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If it isn't evident how much I loved MIT & those folks—or that I expected better of them--I am not sure what could
It is absurd how privileged (& white & male) this adventure has been; I only wish it had not left me both brokenhearted as well as broke! But, it will not break me
It is absurd how privileged (& white & male) this adventure has been; I only wish it had not left me both brokenhearted as well as broke! But, it will not break me
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Or my conviction that we can all do better, especially with encouragement!
Also, I've had help doing everything I ever have done. I love collaborating. And I've had awesome fantastic collaborators & supporters. But I suspect it is my contributions that may be questioned, thus
Also, I've had help doing everything I ever have done. I love collaborating. And I've had awesome fantastic collaborators & supporters. But I suspect it is my contributions that may be questioned, thus
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Over more than a decade, what this doesn’t show (because such things done via email etc) is that I also introduced sponsors to the Lab, attended many sponsor weeks (they’d fly me there), recruited students, advised students, connected them with folks and opportunities
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(and still do whenever asked), working on other peoples projects….etc etc etc! And I had students, staff and faculty who I know advocated for me—because I asked them to and they told me they did!
But it isn't an easy institution--and it is not structured to give folks power.
But it isn't an easy institution--and it is not structured to give folks power.
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So I made a timeline by collecting all my tweets about these institutions, these men and the scene that connected them...and put them in chronological moments, which I'll publish shortly It is incomplete (& simultaneously under-edited) because I could only manually click so much
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but I did it by searching for my username & each of the following: MediaLab, Media Lab, MIT, Harvard, HLS, Dershowitz, Negroponte, Minsky, Joi, Cambridge, Monaco, Monterey, EG, MMF, MITStory3, ST30, ML25, ML30 & prolly a few I’ve since forgotten. Yes my hands might fall off!
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I also included what I was thinking about, if I am still threading it or still thinking in those search terms☺
What am I most proud of from all this? My students!
But, because I'm defensive: here are 7 things I'm proud of that I’ve done at MIT that had lots of witnesses;0
What am I most proud of from all this? My students!
But, because I'm defensive: here are 7 things I'm proud of that I’ve done at MIT that had lots of witnesses;0
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I produced the first conference held at the new building, #MITStory3. On the day of our event, @mediaLab had tweeted ~160 times. Our event spawned more tweets in 2 days☺ x.com/search?lang=en…,
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I was told my session at #ML25 got the most raves from attendees (& presented many others at various Sponsor Weeks), taught 2 fantastic Social Design classes (& brought fantastic guests), produced (w/ a student)a mental health conference, RUOK(then impossible to pull off at MIT)
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I held a salary/offer negotiation workshop for women & PoC, @FollowBias & I was completely myself, which meant I was never afraid to tell anyone what I thought or to offer my help if I could.
Sidenote: Kind of amazing watching how the use of Twitter changes over the decade too
Sidenote: Kind of amazing watching how the use of Twitter changes over the decade too
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To be clear: I didn’t & still don’t know Joi well at all. Tho we’d met quite a few times (he was even at BCIS when I was at HLS) & he is very close w/ some of my favorite folks, we never spent much time/got know each other. I tried:) But I'd thought he was succeeding regardless.
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in my 1st tweets, I’d got the timeline slightly wrong; I'd thought I gave him feedback after his 1st semester—but after reading my tweets emails etc, I see it was after he’d been there for a year or so? It was a day after I finished teaching my class for the 2nd time. whoops.
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Anyway, after teaching my Social Design class the fall semester of 2013, I met with him to give him feedback that I’d heard from the ML community (&, also, to warn him about Jeffrey Epstein) because I cared about the MediaLab and its community. And because I wanted him to succeed
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I also felt obligated, because I had a privileged position as an insider/outsider—and also because that is who I try to be and what I do my best to do…and typically how I’ve formed close bonds with powerful men.
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IME trusting that I’ll be honest and unafraid to disagree has been valued and sometimes even valuable.
That and I cared! A lot! Far more than I should, upon reflection!
That and I cared! A lot! Far more than I should, upon reflection!
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I loved teaching and the work I did there. I wanted to do more. And for my work to be valued. After this meeting, despite multiple attempts (& quite a few prior proposals of awesomeness), little else happened (aside from the projects I was already on) and I was not included.
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I assumed (though it was not different from other work later pursued at the ML...but let's face it nothing is all that originatl) that he didn’t like my work—or just didn’t like me. Or it was just sloppiness & people being busy, rather than any kind of intention?
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To be clear, though I’m still kind of reframing my narrative to myself and sorting through all sorts of stuff and haven’t looked at every email ever. But still I don’t think this was an intentional thoughtful act or scheme by Joi or anyone against me specifically.
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It was my impression that he liked me & my work etc at least well-enough, didn’t know me that well, and was appreciative of my feedback and understood it was difficult/risky for me to share it. He also seemed to immediately act upon it, from what I observed later?
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In other words, I am not trying to suggest he had it out for me? I left that meeting feeling good about it, as far as I can recall. It felt normal, in terms of that kind of meeting? & then it seemed he did hear my feedback, based on his actions…but for me, nothing happened.
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Nonetheless, I think my exclusion was incidental, rather than personal?
Though I didn’t feel that way when I noticed that @medialab had STOPPED following me on twitter at some point☹ Yeah, I know it is petty, but it really bummed me out.
Though I didn’t feel that way when I noticed that @medialab had STOPPED following me on twitter at some point☹ Yeah, I know it is petty, but it really bummed me out.
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That said, it should not have mattered. Having gone through so much excellent work, I recognize that I deserved better. This shouldn’t have been on me to begin with. And that’s certainly not just about—or on—Joi. It is on the MediaLab & MIT too.
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This is an institutional problem.
When there's a history & practice of including a sex trafficker in funding, events & investing, women aren't included & are denied work opportunities..
I hope MIT & the MediaLab will recognize this, take responsibility for and act on it!
When there's a history & practice of including a sex trafficker in funding, events & investing, women aren't included & are denied work opportunities..
I hope MIT & the MediaLab will recognize this, take responsibility for and act on it!
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A great start would be committing to hiring women in AI.
Given that the bias of our current algorithms is destroying democracy! x.com/dearsarah/stat… After all, WHO COULD'VE KNOWN?
Given that the bias of our current algorithms is destroying democracy! x.com/dearsarah/stat… After all, WHO COULD'VE KNOWN?
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This institutional exclusion of women has a huge impact on our future—can’t we finally start addressing that part? I know it is less interesting than insisting that we know who would have sex (or do drugs) with who, but…
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Anyway, I don’t think Epstein was Joi’s fault—nor necessarily his choice. Nor do I think the decision to take Epstein’s money was done in a vacuum, without anyone else at MIT's knowledge or agreement. This all goes back decades.
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But I think his dishonesty, whether it was his decision or MIT’s, makes his role untenable.
Unless we demand better, our future will continue to be dictated by our past.
Unless we demand better, our future will continue to be dictated by our past.
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I also think that Joi has improved the inclusivity of the Media Lab dramatically—and has made it a better place, despite it not including me.
Regardless there is no excuse for (or return from) taking money from, investing with & including Epstein socially.
Regardless there is no excuse for (or return from) taking money from, investing with & including Epstein socially.
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Given the present outlook on surviving the next 2 years (let alone decades) the endowment is an absurd (& given its size already) & insulting justification.
I find it hard to fathom that Joi—or anyone—did not have the power to refuse to include Jeffrey Epstein in 2013.
I find it hard to fathom that Joi—or anyone—did not have the power to refuse to include Jeffrey Epstein in 2013.
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Separate point worth noting that I can’t find any articles on because damn the internet is terrible & basically unusable, but sometime in the 2000s, the MediaLab faced a financial crisis because it accepted a $250 million donation from some fraudulent entertainment studio.
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And for many years, it just operated, somehow, at least according to E14 myth, without a budget? I know that makes no sense, but…it would make it hard to know just how much Epstein donated. Maybe we should just believe his numbers? In the press releases?
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Very sad. But I continue to expect better from the folks I’ve spent so much of my life liking & admiring. I hope they won’t break my heart all over for publicly demanding better of them & all of us.
We must do better. Especially now. Accountability is not erasure; it is grace
We must do better. Especially now. Accountability is not erasure; it is grace
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And now I'm going to publish 12 moments. Not sure exactly what happens. but i'll try to link each below.
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Whoops I meant not all Joi’s fault. Post 2013, it is on him.
x.com/dearsarah/stat…
threads are so annoying:(
x.com/dearsarah/stat…
threads are so annoying:(
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And wow the moments UI really makes the user work! I can see I will need to edit! I tried to make it easier, but not sure I achieved that/-or a narrative?
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OK: time to struggle to rest now.
Funny part going back thru all this is realizing just how much my use of Twitter is for my own benefit. (I recognize my usecase is perhaps as unique as my last name)
And wow I used to be even more earnest! Or maybe its just these search terms:)
Funny part going back thru all this is realizing just how much my use of Twitter is for my own benefit. (I recognize my usecase is perhaps as unique as my last name)
And wow I used to be even more earnest! Or maybe its just these search terms:)
