Everything about Nancy Mace's life makes more sense once you...
Josiah Lippincott@jlippincott
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Jan 28, 2025
~5 min read
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Everything about Nancy Mace's life makes more sense once you realize that her father, General James Emory Mace, is one of the Citadel's most decorated alumni, and served as its Commandant while she was a student.
Everything Nancy did at the Citadel she did to please her father and earn his affection. This isn't speculation. She says so herself in her book In the Company of Men: A Woman at the Citadel.
Follow along as I unpack the story of a lonely and sensitive little girl who desperately threw all of her willpower and determination into earning the affection of her respected but often absent father. It is a sad tale but by no means unique to her.
Many "successful" and "accomplished" young women today could tell such stories about their own fathers, themselves products of the post-war Boomer zeitgeist.
Everything Nancy did at the Citadel she did to please her father and earn his affection. This isn't speculation. She says so herself in her book In the Company of Men: A Woman at the Citadel.
Follow along as I unpack the story of a lonely and sensitive little girl who desperately threw all of her willpower and determination into earning the affection of her respected but often absent father. It is a sad tale but by no means unique to her.
Many "successful" and "accomplished" young women today could tell such stories about their own fathers, themselves products of the post-war Boomer zeitgeist.
Nancy Mace@NancyMace
I didn't fight like hell to become the first woman to graduate from The Citadel just for some man in a miniskirt to take away that achievement.
Protecting women's accomplishments isn't a political talking point for me—it's personal.
Protecting women's accomplishments isn't a political talking point for me—it's personal.
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First, it is important to know that General Mace is a war hero. In December of 1968, the young Captain Mace led a series of daring attacks on communist positions in South Vietnam, risking his life repeatedly for that of his own men while killing multiple enemy in close combat.
He earned a Distinguished Service Cross, the Army's second highest award for bravery, for his actions. militaryhallofhonor.com/honoree-record…
He earned a Distinguished Service Cross, the Army's second highest award for bravery, for his actions. militaryhallofhonor.com/honoree-record…
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As Nancy points out in her book, her father was always a daring and tough figure. When he himself was a cadet at the Citadel, he was famous for literally catching alligators with his bare hands and bringing them on campus.
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At one point, General Mace threw an alligator into an underclassmen's room because he thought he was misbehaving.
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As Nancy Mace says, no one messed with her father.
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Needless to say, this is not a soft man we are talking about here. That toughness extended even into his family. As Nancy notes, her father was often absent. As a girl, she wondered if he even loved her.
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But, and this is crucially important, Nancy adored her father. She can't stop talking about what a great man he is.
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"My father is my hero."
"I wanted nothing more than to prove that I was my father's daughter, to make him proud of me."
And then, the most crushing line of the book: "I had little hope that would ever happen."
"I wanted nothing more than to prove that I was my father's daughter, to make him proud of me."
And then, the most crushing line of the book: "I had little hope that would ever happen."
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Nancy, the sensitive but determined little girl, had a tough childhood. She always felt like an "outsider" because her parents were constantly moving. In high school she lashed out and moved to live with her older sister for several months.
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But Nancy pulled herself out of her spiral. She has, after all, her father's iron willpower. The Citadel, her father's alma mater, has been ordered to accept women by court order. She now has a plan--she will follow in her father's footsteps. She will finally make him proud.
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General Mace tries to talk his daughter out of her choice. His old school is too tough for her. But, Nancy says, she sees in his eyes what she has always longed for: pride in his daughter for wanting to try her hand, to prove she is made of sterner stuff.
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General Mace doesn't go easy on his daughter. He treats her like a son. He tells her that if she quits, she shouldn't even call home. Just "put on your jogging shoes on and start walking home."
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Even when he became Commandant of the Citadel, General Mace never gave his daughter any special favors. She says the one time she went to his office unannounced, he threw her out in "wrath."
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Nancy's letters home, which often went unanswered (she decries this repeatedly in the book), reveal the depth of her love for her father and the longing she has for his respect.
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Her father is her "why" and it is her "wildest dream" to be walking in his footsteps. It brings "tears to her eyes" to think about being as successful and great as he is.
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When she finally graduates, she poses for a photo next to her father as both are wearing their Citadel graduation rings. She describes it as the proudest moment of her life.
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Her Citadel ring is exactly like her father's, save that his has battle scars while hers are on her "heart."
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Frankly, this book is one of the saddest things I've read in a long time. Maybe it is because I am a father of a daughter myself, but I cannot help but find this tale depressing: the eager, strong-willed girl holding her father in such awe and yet only ever feeling like she's earned his love after enduring years of grueling challenges.
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Nancy's attendance at the Citadel wasn't really about feminism or ideology. It wasn't about showing that women are as good as men or "bringing change." It was about earning the love of her absent father.
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There is much to be learned here, I think, for the fathers of girls: Your daughter is not your son. You should not treat her as such.
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Little girls need the presence of their fathers. They need to know they are loved and that they are loved as a daughter.
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The Boomer father's desire to see his talented daughters follow in his footsteps is often poisonous. It sets the bar too high. The dutiful daughter might reach for that brass ring but it will crush her inside.
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A lot of psychic (and political) damage could have been avoided, had the post-war generation of fathers understood this. Alas.
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But here we are. We cannot turn back the clock. General Mace cannot go back and be present for his daughter's childhood. Nancy cannot return to have the affection she always wanted.
But we can learn from their story. We can choose a different path. And we should.
But we can learn from their story. We can choose a different path. And we should.
