The following thread is the translation (best attempt) to english...
Denis B@AdHominemIzBad
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Oct 07, 2026
~48 min read
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1
The following thread is the translation (best attempt) to english of the 1st notebook which appears to be a journal.
2
IMPROVE YOUR LIFE
05-23-2025
Expression of Thoughts
I had thoughts of mass murder for a long time. I am very conflicted with writing this journal. I never thought my thoughts out loud without getting put on a watchlist, haha. This journal is not gonna be organized or is unorganized. It will be a brain barf of notes.
Lately I had been entranced with the game of mass shooters. I had known about these events for ages, filmed at the time, being morbidly obsessed. As of late I have really let myself go indulging into every mass shooting video I can find. My interest was specifically sculpting—started, I think, in seventh grade. I remember one day, I was talking in [a place]—she was my crush and I was with her and another kid. I asked them, “If they...” I don’t remember what I asked. I asked that but it got into something. Then they laughed at me. That was sort of my point to scare them. Then people laughed at me and I felt totally ashamed.
I got brought in, trolled for this bot — not to be! I was a small-time promoter, I did nasty things. I got overwhelmed for a while, I think. This took never-centered, easy; the bot duped me by surprise. I remember being scolded, I used to go on fantasies at some point — even another of shooting from my school. Even during a job, I was as if being saved by grade. I don’t remember ever talking to a therapist. These bodily matters, sure — I was not a criminal.
They locked me in a meeting room when I was extra scared. At first I was super for this chick, weird. Lmao — I thought these matters might stay in my head and that they were solely some feelings of hatred and mutiny in my head. I think that combination of the shootings was not the right thing to do. I could not personalize doing anything like that. That bot got pointing admin with feel so guarded in that spot. I had so many reasons why I cannot do it. I can’t do this to my family — I love them even though they piss me off, my family, my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother.
I’d been watching YouTube history; bots and a lot. Thanked big wide info for plain endorsement to step in. Sorry, there was gonna be a lot of mistakes. I am tired and this writing sucks; I was scared and stupid. I’m writing, I’m circling com Russian slang I think, I tried grammar and spelling. I had been learning Russian for many years but never really learned it. I almost understood some parts that I could write in English. I was inconsistent but still it works for my role for a long time; since I got access to internet I had been sinking out, gore and bad things. I had been fascinated with firearms and weapons since I was little. I liked making weird noises and pretending to be a soldier, or a monster. I saw lots of my old help videos and compilations. I had been smoking and drinking.
Ugh! I remember being a kid, ridiculous antics, big mom — I had lost all my money lol. I would rant until people fainted from boredom. Cupid laughed xoxx: mom, little sister, school, dad. I yelled, got training, rotated — I don’t remember all. I did some art, I can’t play the piano, I play the guitar badly. Not enough of a freak, haha. Honestly, for the most part that period makes me whole and wholesome. Not a great moment but I wasn’t the worst person. I’m still full of embarrassment and fear. I really just wanted a place to put my note.
I kept going to therapists or family counselors; I would avoid them but report all my shades and ugliness. I was banned; my family thought I made a mess. I was not a good kid or a good consultant on mass murder and violent content. I researched violent films: Elephant, Kids, Hurt and others. I was still curious. The horror movies and jokes were my mask; I don’t want to be known as the internet extremist from—
I don’t want to, I’m not. Panic hit — would I have been provoked? One thing: I was composed of signs and coincidences. I was an only child, home-schooled. I don’t recall being fully capable. I was not good socially. I had friends online more so than offline. I had a loud attraction to bad things and dark stories. I knew of guns, I had a weird urge to control things. I was always in the middle of wanting to be noticed. That was a pattern, even for a moment; I would left to look at girls, but once I tried to do anything, I felt ashamed. I would fill the gravity of my outfit and shame. I learned just to sit with my apartment loneliness and petty jokes, and to be subservient, suspicious. It was humiliating.
I would want a better past. I didn’t want to take credit for the blood, the pain. I wanted to be more than the label. I was always on the edge: to be weird, to be that kid who cried, who laughed too loud. I had a long list of odd habits, and the mask in front of people. I was always joking: “It’s me.” People saw the act, not the man behind it. I was ashamed.
I don’t remember full details of that time — the convos, the sin that got me in the mechanical threads. I am recovering, writing this to try and explain the pain of that period. I’ve tried therapy, attempts at work, my major aspirations — hard choices. I fought to take control. It felt weird to have so many things that I could not defuse. I assembled a sculpture of my thoughts. I had a ton of aircraft noises, engines — I put together a display and showed it to friends and family. I documented shooting material and words. I wrote a lot, typed 23 pages, made maps and graphs. I had been really into writing and the justification for motives.
I’m still learning: that together, every now and then the moment drifts left to look at girls, but once I get a girl, I get embarrassed. I had a full-on phase of the gamification of my life. I was a kid who filled the gravity of silly outfits and performed. The internet was my environment. I wanted help and a warm room. I wanted not to be that kid who creates tragedy. I wanted to heal, to do ordinary things, to watch films, to meet the day-to-day.
I was not perfect. I would obsess on ideas that made me feel like an outsider. I watched videos and read manuals. I was fascinated by the logistics but I never planned real execution. I loved the theatrics and the dark curiosity. I’d been a spectator more than an actor. I did not want to hurt people; I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to fix my life.
I know this text is messy. I am apologetic. This is me trying to put my thoughts together: the rage, the fantasies, the shame, the guilt, the avoidance, the attempts at help, and the slow climb out. I hope this record explains nothing but everything — a chaotic, honest attempt at reflecting on a time when I almost did the unthinkable, but didn’t.
05-23-2025
Expression of Thoughts
I had thoughts of mass murder for a long time. I am very conflicted with writing this journal. I never thought my thoughts out loud without getting put on a watchlist, haha. This journal is not gonna be organized or is unorganized. It will be a brain barf of notes.
Lately I had been entranced with the game of mass shooters. I had known about these events for ages, filmed at the time, being morbidly obsessed. As of late I have really let myself go indulging into every mass shooting video I can find. My interest was specifically sculpting—started, I think, in seventh grade. I remember one day, I was talking in [a place]—she was my crush and I was with her and another kid. I asked them, “If they...” I don’t remember what I asked. I asked that but it got into something. Then they laughed at me. That was sort of my point to scare them. Then people laughed at me and I felt totally ashamed.
I got brought in, trolled for this bot — not to be! I was a small-time promoter, I did nasty things. I got overwhelmed for a while, I think. This took never-centered, easy; the bot duped me by surprise. I remember being scolded, I used to go on fantasies at some point — even another of shooting from my school. Even during a job, I was as if being saved by grade. I don’t remember ever talking to a therapist. These bodily matters, sure — I was not a criminal.
They locked me in a meeting room when I was extra scared. At first I was super for this chick, weird. Lmao — I thought these matters might stay in my head and that they were solely some feelings of hatred and mutiny in my head. I think that combination of the shootings was not the right thing to do. I could not personalize doing anything like that. That bot got pointing admin with feel so guarded in that spot. I had so many reasons why I cannot do it. I can’t do this to my family — I love them even though they piss me off, my family, my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother.
I’d been watching YouTube history; bots and a lot. Thanked big wide info for plain endorsement to step in. Sorry, there was gonna be a lot of mistakes. I am tired and this writing sucks; I was scared and stupid. I’m writing, I’m circling com Russian slang I think, I tried grammar and spelling. I had been learning Russian for many years but never really learned it. I almost understood some parts that I could write in English. I was inconsistent but still it works for my role for a long time; since I got access to internet I had been sinking out, gore and bad things. I had been fascinated with firearms and weapons since I was little. I liked making weird noises and pretending to be a soldier, or a monster. I saw lots of my old help videos and compilations. I had been smoking and drinking.
Ugh! I remember being a kid, ridiculous antics, big mom — I had lost all my money lol. I would rant until people fainted from boredom. Cupid laughed xoxx: mom, little sister, school, dad. I yelled, got training, rotated — I don’t remember all. I did some art, I can’t play the piano, I play the guitar badly. Not enough of a freak, haha. Honestly, for the most part that period makes me whole and wholesome. Not a great moment but I wasn’t the worst person. I’m still full of embarrassment and fear. I really just wanted a place to put my note.
I kept going to therapists or family counselors; I would avoid them but report all my shades and ugliness. I was banned; my family thought I made a mess. I was not a good kid or a good consultant on mass murder and violent content. I researched violent films: Elephant, Kids, Hurt and others. I was still curious. The horror movies and jokes were my mask; I don’t want to be known as the internet extremist from—
I don’t want to, I’m not. Panic hit — would I have been provoked? One thing: I was composed of signs and coincidences. I was an only child, home-schooled. I don’t recall being fully capable. I was not good socially. I had friends online more so than offline. I had a loud attraction to bad things and dark stories. I knew of guns, I had a weird urge to control things. I was always in the middle of wanting to be noticed. That was a pattern, even for a moment; I would left to look at girls, but once I tried to do anything, I felt ashamed. I would fill the gravity of my outfit and shame. I learned just to sit with my apartment loneliness and petty jokes, and to be subservient, suspicious. It was humiliating.
I would want a better past. I didn’t want to take credit for the blood, the pain. I wanted to be more than the label. I was always on the edge: to be weird, to be that kid who cried, who laughed too loud. I had a long list of odd habits, and the mask in front of people. I was always joking: “It’s me.” People saw the act, not the man behind it. I was ashamed.
I don’t remember full details of that time — the convos, the sin that got me in the mechanical threads. I am recovering, writing this to try and explain the pain of that period. I’ve tried therapy, attempts at work, my major aspirations — hard choices. I fought to take control. It felt weird to have so many things that I could not defuse. I assembled a sculpture of my thoughts. I had a ton of aircraft noises, engines — I put together a display and showed it to friends and family. I documented shooting material and words. I wrote a lot, typed 23 pages, made maps and graphs. I had been really into writing and the justification for motives.
I’m still learning: that together, every now and then the moment drifts left to look at girls, but once I get a girl, I get embarrassed. I had a full-on phase of the gamification of my life. I was a kid who filled the gravity of silly outfits and performed. The internet was my environment. I wanted help and a warm room. I wanted not to be that kid who creates tragedy. I wanted to heal, to do ordinary things, to watch films, to meet the day-to-day.
I was not perfect. I would obsess on ideas that made me feel like an outsider. I watched videos and read manuals. I was fascinated by the logistics but I never planned real execution. I loved the theatrics and the dark curiosity. I’d been a spectator more than an actor. I did not want to hurt people; I wanted to be noticed. I wanted to fix my life.
I know this text is messy. I am apologetic. This is me trying to put my thoughts together: the rage, the fantasies, the shame, the guilt, the avoidance, the attempts at help, and the slow climb out. I hope this record explains nothing but everything — a chaotic, honest attempt at reflecting on a time when I almost did the unthinkable, but didn’t.
3
05:25:25
I planned the shooter? Who was that?
Warning. Shooter test plan for violence and mass death. Adam Lanza, Nicholas Cruz, Eric and Dylan, Vladislav Roslyakov, Anders Breivik, etc. I review their status; I feel obligated to follow in their path. Maybe to other —
Oh my God, I want to kill Logan. I want that. Lyle Fox spaz, massive monkey storm was? Butler and sock on I hunt his fakes vs. personalities. The kind of person who would align? Try to study your story with some facts, exaggerated stories. I want him added. Cliff a — I ever shot on my workplace, I wouldn't even want — want to see Logan cough with fire? I would shoot him on site, dimling for kill shot, no chance for him to even react. Gavon money lock, he shot by the motorfork to rush my sand suns, type. Dama, when on man bucket fires was returning tackled and arrests. I especially before I am able to be [influx?] a lot of Adamns and Pats, I want to dash in that attack. I robb elyazin been subpoenaed, stylist since annulences, I never
I planned the shooter? Who was that?
Warning. Shooter test plan for violence and mass death. Adam Lanza, Nicholas Cruz, Eric and Dylan, Vladislav Roslyakov, Anders Breivik, etc. I review their status; I feel obligated to follow in their path. Maybe to other —
Oh my God, I want to kill Logan. I want that. Lyle Fox spaz, massive monkey storm was? Butler and sock on I hunt his fakes vs. personalities. The kind of person who would align? Try to study your story with some facts, exaggerated stories. I want him added. Cliff a — I ever shot on my workplace, I wouldn't even want — want to see Logan cough with fire? I would shoot him on site, dimling for kill shot, no chance for him to even react. Gavon money lock, he shot by the motorfork to rush my sand suns, type. Dama, when on man bucket fires was returning tackled and arrests. I especially before I am able to be [influx?] a lot of Adamns and Pats, I want to dash in that attack. I robb elyazin been subpoenaed, stylist since annulences, I never
4
Independence
Where Faena is a good explanation. I have a loving family and a good support system of people that want to see thriving, for some reason the fact that I had 8 pretty good jobs and the fact that I want kill people have never correlated to me. I simp to not really care about my life, only caring about my withdraw or other limit. I am only not taking action because I don't want to bring that pain on them. I feel horrible picturing their reactions. I could give a fuck about me. I want billing to them. Giving to opportunity, I want to take them out. Taking Adam away his mother, lord how we will mess. Of that bin the [??] pull fucking idiots.
I have trains and favela to not be racist. I want help but I have trauma and a dictal, like an open mind? A person bot timing timing again I am forward to realizing the starting steps and only try. Since I am sitting next to this [something] of probe as my skills. They are loud, obnoxious, and inconsistent. Living between us
Training to start was light daylight that has no gas and was domestic maybe big jost jabbing and encouraging him. The making can splits are not rigid, I own that thing by internalized [something] aforn. I would admit that, both good and have being around them in their culture, admire people, yeah attractive is who that can.
Hardly speak English, but think they are fokken ritualized (most popular) I also want Arabs and Indians? I got fascia from religions, negro can be online. Most of them are, feel white to: Lowa, self entitled, will wooz kangs? I never. I truly damage culture? I think Allan Rudd brother? parent, and Patrick Keris? I had manipulative and I pity toward culture? panic item milter, why plan for something more bigger, both couldn't want to gain and gas but a charade attempt. All this events and stories have only faked a fair. In me to do with racists. Those more time and plans for every outcome. I often don't feign musical strings or this [writings?] especially analysis. I think Nicolas Cruz and Patrick
cursery of moral images. Why those what people should run the world? And minorities should antagonize, I do not know. I think their shoulf have right end. I portrait this, I just want them. Don't get me started on communists. Sobchonon, Krugasta socialite. Crimean-inclined animists. Totally irrational. I seem to be finally morally degrading almost all mass shootings, but will partake in such shootings over plans like small theaters and music halls. I am to love James home, kids apparently taking his shots over petsona. I admitted what's my count going and admitting gives on. I am glad how Lowa to get distance into his mania. I am so sad how I apartment bomb didn't blow out.
Same as “Erik and Dylan” bomb, missing [something] amazings the ambiguity of Astrokation and [illegible]. I don't think I had ever heard of an attack? Bomb or some camera of secondary attack working. Then intro don't properly set the white op, or cops are able to disarm the threat before big work. So, God! Why?? Or more why wanted more bot had to annihilate random stairs.
Training to start was light daylight that has no gas and was domestic maybe big jost jabing and encouraging him. The making can splits are not rigid, I own that thing by internalized [unknown] aform. I would admit that, both good and have being around them in their culture, admire people, yeah attractive is who that can. Hardly speak English, but think they are [fokk] ritualized (most popular). I also want Arabs and Indians I got fascina from religions, negri can be online. Most of them are, feel white to: Lowa, self entitled, will wooz kangs. I never. I truly damage culture. I think Alan Rudd brother? parent, and Patrick Keris? I had manipulation and pity toward culture items milter, why plan for something more biger, both couldn't want to gain and gas but a charade attempt. All this events, and stories have only faked a fair. In me to do with racists. Those more time and plans for every outcome. I often don't feign musical strings or this [writing] of probe as my skills. They are loud, obnoxious and inconsistent. Living between us.
Curse of moral images. Why those what people should run the world? And minorities should antagonize, I do not know. I think their should have right end. I portray this, I just want them. Don't get me started on communists. Sobchonon, Krugasta socialite. Crimean-inclined animists. Totally irrational. I seem to be finally morally degrading almost all mass shootings, but will partake in such shootings over plans like small theaters, music halls. I am to love James home, kids apparently taking his shots over persona. I admitted what's my count going and admitting gives on. I am glad how Lowa to get distance into his mania. I am so sad how I apartment bomb didn't blow out. Same as “Erik and Dylan” bomb, missing [something] amazings the ambiguity of Astrokation and [illegible]. I don't think I had ever heard of an attack? Bomb or some camera of secondary attack working. Then intro don't properly set the white op, or cops are able to disarm the threat before big work. So, God! Why?? Or more why wanted more bot had to annihilate random stairs.
Where Faena is a good explanation. I have a loving family and a good support system of people that want to see thriving, for some reason the fact that I had 8 pretty good jobs and the fact that I want kill people have never correlated to me. I simp to not really care about my life, only caring about my withdraw or other limit. I am only not taking action because I don't want to bring that pain on them. I feel horrible picturing their reactions. I could give a fuck about me. I want billing to them. Giving to opportunity, I want to take them out. Taking Adam away his mother, lord how we will mess. Of that bin the [??] pull fucking idiots.
I have trains and favela to not be racist. I want help but I have trauma and a dictal, like an open mind? A person bot timing timing again I am forward to realizing the starting steps and only try. Since I am sitting next to this [something] of probe as my skills. They are loud, obnoxious, and inconsistent. Living between us
Training to start was light daylight that has no gas and was domestic maybe big jost jabbing and encouraging him. The making can splits are not rigid, I own that thing by internalized [something] aforn. I would admit that, both good and have being around them in their culture, admire people, yeah attractive is who that can.
Hardly speak English, but think they are fokken ritualized (most popular) I also want Arabs and Indians? I got fascia from religions, negro can be online. Most of them are, feel white to: Lowa, self entitled, will wooz kangs? I never. I truly damage culture? I think Allan Rudd brother? parent, and Patrick Keris? I had manipulative and I pity toward culture? panic item milter, why plan for something more bigger, both couldn't want to gain and gas but a charade attempt. All this events and stories have only faked a fair. In me to do with racists. Those more time and plans for every outcome. I often don't feign musical strings or this [writings?] especially analysis. I think Nicolas Cruz and Patrick
cursery of moral images. Why those what people should run the world? And minorities should antagonize, I do not know. I think their shoulf have right end. I portrait this, I just want them. Don't get me started on communists. Sobchonon, Krugasta socialite. Crimean-inclined animists. Totally irrational. I seem to be finally morally degrading almost all mass shootings, but will partake in such shootings over plans like small theaters and music halls. I am to love James home, kids apparently taking his shots over petsona. I admitted what's my count going and admitting gives on. I am glad how Lowa to get distance into his mania. I am so sad how I apartment bomb didn't blow out.
Same as “Erik and Dylan” bomb, missing [something] amazings the ambiguity of Astrokation and [illegible]. I don't think I had ever heard of an attack? Bomb or some camera of secondary attack working. Then intro don't properly set the white op, or cops are able to disarm the threat before big work. So, God! Why?? Or more why wanted more bot had to annihilate random stairs.
Training to start was light daylight that has no gas and was domestic maybe big jost jabing and encouraging him. The making can splits are not rigid, I own that thing by internalized [unknown] aform. I would admit that, both good and have being around them in their culture, admire people, yeah attractive is who that can. Hardly speak English, but think they are [fokk] ritualized (most popular). I also want Arabs and Indians I got fascina from religions, negri can be online. Most of them are, feel white to: Lowa, self entitled, will wooz kangs. I never. I truly damage culture. I think Alan Rudd brother? parent, and Patrick Keris? I had manipulation and pity toward culture items milter, why plan for something more biger, both couldn't want to gain and gas but a charade attempt. All this events, and stories have only faked a fair. In me to do with racists. Those more time and plans for every outcome. I often don't feign musical strings or this [writing] of probe as my skills. They are loud, obnoxious and inconsistent. Living between us.
Curse of moral images. Why those what people should run the world? And minorities should antagonize, I do not know. I think their should have right end. I portray this, I just want them. Don't get me started on communists. Sobchonon, Krugasta socialite. Crimean-inclined animists. Totally irrational. I seem to be finally morally degrading almost all mass shootings, but will partake in such shootings over plans like small theaters, music halls. I am to love James home, kids apparently taking his shots over persona. I admitted what's my count going and admitting gives on. I am glad how Lowa to get distance into his mania. I am so sad how I apartment bomb didn't blow out. Same as “Erik and Dylan” bomb, missing [something] amazings the ambiguity of Astrokation and [illegible]. I don't think I had ever heard of an attack? Bomb or some camera of secondary attack working. Then intro don't properly set the white op, or cops are able to disarm the threat before big work. So, God! Why?? Or more why wanted more bot had to annihilate random stairs.
5
05-27-25
I don't even know if I do this. I am suicidal. I was wanted to kill myself since I thought out what I am doing won't win this time. I want to take the system of control that gives to each no other and both three, fire and murder as been the case of the non‑existent healthcare system. I think the steps will make this America too. Prevent the tragedies are a joke. Forgive.
I examined many of vigil? I was thinking criminals follow rules hand. Bit makes me want to not eat the things them "outlaid" and show them how it's big to be into this stupid, backward rules that only have left to go owners. Animals. But simply I don't just wanna kill people to dead. I have found myself, how, in the past, while living I could come into common body for a day, combat a horrible massacre, then return to my body and all my memories. I would love to have that experience without killing the Asians or Jews that was and humiliation on myself or many others. I guess that's what I enjoy reincarnating.
I don't want to kill people. I do this because I am suicidal and I can't stop. I want to find a way to be something that will take control of my time. I have been thinking of ways to make an impact, ways to create fear, ways to change things. I am not proud of my thoughts. I am ashamed, but I keep thinking.
I want a plan, and I want to know how to set it up. I have looked at stories, played out scenarios, read manifests. I have thought about explosives, guns, knives, gas, arson. I have planned moments where I could walk into places and take lives, leave no trace, and vanish. I know that sounds awful. I know it's sick. But I keep thinking about it like a movie — a way to make people feel the consequences of the system.
I have tried to imagine not hurting innocent people, but my mind keeps pulling me back to images and lists. I don't want to be a monster, but I also don't want to be made invisible. I have thought about methods and targets and times. I have thought of complex ways to cause panic without being tied back to me. I think about the rules and loopholes, how to take advantage of them. I know this whole thing is wrong.
I have thought about what to leave behind and what to take. I have thought about escapes, alibis, and staging. I have considered making a public statement, a manifesto, or leaving clues that point to broader grievances. I have written drafts in my head. I have practiced how I would speak, what I would say, how I would try to explain the motives. I have imagined cameras, faces, the noise. I imagine the headlines and the way people would react — shocked, angry, sad. I want them to feel something real. I am tired of feeling nothing.
I don't want to hurt people, but I also want to be heard. I want to force change. I want people to pay. I want to break the cycle that made me feel worthless. I know none of this justifies violence. I am writing to get these thoughts out, to examine them, to see them on paper so they lose some of their power.
I have considered details — timing, location, weapon, and escape. I have considered the risk of being stopped. I have considered the legal consequences, the investigation, the forensic tracing. I have researched ways people have tried to cover their tracks, and I have found plenty of gaps in my resolve. I keep telling myself to stop, and I keep failing. I know this is sick. I know this is dangerous.
I want therapy, but I also fear being institutionalized. I want help, but I don't want to be judged. I want to disappear or to be famous for a reason. I feel stuck between wanting help and wanting to make the world pay for what it did to me.
I have tried to think through alternatives: leaving, changing identity, going somewhere far away, faking my death, or just ending my own life privately. Each option loops back to the same feeling: I feel powerless, and I want control. The thought of taking control terrifies me and thrills me at the same time. It makes me sick to read this, but writing it down helps me see the pattern.
I don't know what will come next. I am scared of myself. I am scared of the impulses. I am scared of the ease with which my mind conjures scenarios of harm. I don't want to act on them. I need help.
I don't even know if I do this. I am suicidal. I was wanted to kill myself since I thought out what I am doing won't win this time. I want to take the system of control that gives to each no other and both three, fire and murder as been the case of the non‑existent healthcare system. I think the steps will make this America too. Prevent the tragedies are a joke. Forgive.
I examined many of vigil? I was thinking criminals follow rules hand. Bit makes me want to not eat the things them "outlaid" and show them how it's big to be into this stupid, backward rules that only have left to go owners. Animals. But simply I don't just wanna kill people to dead. I have found myself, how, in the past, while living I could come into common body for a day, combat a horrible massacre, then return to my body and all my memories. I would love to have that experience without killing the Asians or Jews that was and humiliation on myself or many others. I guess that's what I enjoy reincarnating.
I don't want to kill people. I do this because I am suicidal and I can't stop. I want to find a way to be something that will take control of my time. I have been thinking of ways to make an impact, ways to create fear, ways to change things. I am not proud of my thoughts. I am ashamed, but I keep thinking.
I want a plan, and I want to know how to set it up. I have looked at stories, played out scenarios, read manifests. I have thought about explosives, guns, knives, gas, arson. I have planned moments where I could walk into places and take lives, leave no trace, and vanish. I know that sounds awful. I know it's sick. But I keep thinking about it like a movie — a way to make people feel the consequences of the system.
I have tried to imagine not hurting innocent people, but my mind keeps pulling me back to images and lists. I don't want to be a monster, but I also don't want to be made invisible. I have thought about methods and targets and times. I have thought of complex ways to cause panic without being tied back to me. I think about the rules and loopholes, how to take advantage of them. I know this whole thing is wrong.
I have thought about what to leave behind and what to take. I have thought about escapes, alibis, and staging. I have considered making a public statement, a manifesto, or leaving clues that point to broader grievances. I have written drafts in my head. I have practiced how I would speak, what I would say, how I would try to explain the motives. I have imagined cameras, faces, the noise. I imagine the headlines and the way people would react — shocked, angry, sad. I want them to feel something real. I am tired of feeling nothing.
I don't want to hurt people, but I also want to be heard. I want to force change. I want people to pay. I want to break the cycle that made me feel worthless. I know none of this justifies violence. I am writing to get these thoughts out, to examine them, to see them on paper so they lose some of their power.
I have considered details — timing, location, weapon, and escape. I have considered the risk of being stopped. I have considered the legal consequences, the investigation, the forensic tracing. I have researched ways people have tried to cover their tracks, and I have found plenty of gaps in my resolve. I keep telling myself to stop, and I keep failing. I know this is sick. I know this is dangerous.
I want therapy, but I also fear being institutionalized. I want help, but I don't want to be judged. I want to disappear or to be famous for a reason. I feel stuck between wanting help and wanting to make the world pay for what it did to me.
I have tried to think through alternatives: leaving, changing identity, going somewhere far away, faking my death, or just ending my own life privately. Each option loops back to the same feeling: I feel powerless, and I want control. The thought of taking control terrifies me and thrills me at the same time. It makes me sick to read this, but writing it down helps me see the pattern.
I don't know what will come next. I am scared of myself. I am scared of the impulses. I am scared of the ease with which my mind conjures scenarios of harm. I don't want to act on them. I need help.
6
HELL...
I am frustrated by my motivation being hijacked by hatred and action. I can't really put my finger on a specific purpose, but everything I want is for attention or to wait something to collapse. Those feelings seem to always get louder and wilder. I don't really like being around people or color. I don't give info on why I do things. I just want to take out some real motivators that hit most people hard against feelings, against naivety, Jesus.
I hate those entities and panic‑driven kaos. Free Palestine? I don't know. My army would be to be the one to shut up or to smash something. I think about it and then I feel guilty. I have thought about public displays that force people to look, to be afraid, to reconsider.
I've planned for 2025. I don't want to wait to just spend a message. I do want to plan more. I want to be close, I am sick. I am twisted, I want children to scream for help. I want to act and vanish. I want clear planning for their lives. I want people to think then can stop me, only for me to stop them. Dead will their tracks.
I have run scenarios of a classroom or hallway where nothing is done and people keep watching. I have thought of a form of super laced semi-automatic weapon I would do wonders, this crowd is usually tired to find what? Five minutes before people panic, then people will be screaming, sirens, will have been in a public concert, that's exactly what this is going to look like. There will be a crowd, element of surprise. One loud blast into the crowd and fast. People will panic, screaming for help. My goal is to get away. That thought scares me but it also excites me. I am not a monster but I wish to show them how fragile they are.
I think about specific tactics: entry points, locked exits, how people try to push one way and get crushed. I think about packing a bag with tools and a plan to detonate or to shoot, a typical mass attack sequence. I think about cameras, police response times, average casualty counts, and how to maximize confusion with minimal trace back to me.
I don't want to actually dissect specific methods in detail here, but I have written many notes elsewhere. I am ashamed to even reread them. Writing everything down makes the plan more real and that scares me.
I keep going back and forth between wanting to tell and wanting to hide. I want to be stopped and I want to be unstoppable. I want to be saved and I want to be the one who breaks things so nobody else feels the same. I know the contradictions are there.
If someone reads this, I hope they take it seriously. I hope they get me help before I make a terrible mistake. I don't want to be a headline. I don't want to ruin more lives. I want to survive this feeling, to get treatment, to find meaning that doesn't hurt others.
I am tired and ashamed. I am writing to get control of my thoughts and to make a call for help — even if it reads badly.
I am frustrated by my motivation being hijacked by hatred and action. I can't really put my finger on a specific purpose, but everything I want is for attention or to wait something to collapse. Those feelings seem to always get louder and wilder. I don't really like being around people or color. I don't give info on why I do things. I just want to take out some real motivators that hit most people hard against feelings, against naivety, Jesus.
I hate those entities and panic‑driven kaos. Free Palestine? I don't know. My army would be to be the one to shut up or to smash something. I think about it and then I feel guilty. I have thought about public displays that force people to look, to be afraid, to reconsider.
I've planned for 2025. I don't want to wait to just spend a message. I do want to plan more. I want to be close, I am sick. I am twisted, I want children to scream for help. I want to act and vanish. I want clear planning for their lives. I want people to think then can stop me, only for me to stop them. Dead will their tracks.
I have run scenarios of a classroom or hallway where nothing is done and people keep watching. I have thought of a form of super laced semi-automatic weapon I would do wonders, this crowd is usually tired to find what? Five minutes before people panic, then people will be screaming, sirens, will have been in a public concert, that's exactly what this is going to look like. There will be a crowd, element of surprise. One loud blast into the crowd and fast. People will panic, screaming for help. My goal is to get away. That thought scares me but it also excites me. I am not a monster but I wish to show them how fragile they are.
I think about specific tactics: entry points, locked exits, how people try to push one way and get crushed. I think about packing a bag with tools and a plan to detonate or to shoot, a typical mass attack sequence. I think about cameras, police response times, average casualty counts, and how to maximize confusion with minimal trace back to me.
I don't want to actually dissect specific methods in detail here, but I have written many notes elsewhere. I am ashamed to even reread them. Writing everything down makes the plan more real and that scares me.
I keep going back and forth between wanting to tell and wanting to hide. I want to be stopped and I want to be unstoppable. I want to be saved and I want to be the one who breaks things so nobody else feels the same. I know the contradictions are there.
If someone reads this, I hope they take it seriously. I hope they get me help before I make a terrible mistake. I don't want to be a headline. I don't want to ruin more lives. I want to survive this feeling, to get treatment, to find meaning that doesn't hurt others.
I am tired and ashamed. I am writing to get control of my thoughts and to make a call for help — even if it reads badly.
7
Day to the world maybe b13
I am going to x b3 an zanjad zcovinia to mi aninua ti oni aninilosis. A kan film realat to this kon can ap 3 lilavin fator on moi target biz maybe gon kontrol. I think bit biz horrible that this eventi happen and I do think wit such big hazard for pipol laik mi to karin out this attack. I sasd I wilnd maybe noz viliant or taks-stampa M.I.R. i. whonori to mak a planit that kriminalaz with intentionz ar NOT goinv to follow reulz! I risintni hard a rumor that Jambz Hoomz Th. duvosa tinotar shutr, mai xvb risorahv venzos that was "got off zona". I wud probabli av ti sam to shit on the ppl and maybe chain som maniac. I gett for prevess laik prizonz and airports I gess. But for most places, vit oni onnrz trg gud goin(sic) s e gon, Hoomz whata to mak sure xvb volktimz wud b cuparad.
That was I and mani otherz laik skurzd so mch. At list for mi, I am fokd on plon laik [unclear] I prizum I am plodn ti calam? [illegible]
I want to mak a fact that bin this jx jozanl shuting, Salvador Ramos was hitz. Finger to what? "LOL" on th waitboard John won ob xvi? viktimz blod. Huvlarious! But th plos trings laik that that get mi rili intrested in risorching shuttings. The moralz and akcions shutrz tako, and th "survivors"? Rily? "WELPOR-yehr!" "sobscribing to pinalimz!"
I replie dont think I am gona do anthing about this tim. I evrting hav to now to live for. Not necessarili for momz but mon okavil. I am proud ov mon families and then dont adzerv that shane. Especialli mon gots wittn I lov darlin and a kundt bar to xvb hize kip that noz. I fil laik mon mamz wud hav seen bit coming, du to moni rokin past c. violent parts, th other dad mon selfcontrol thas could incl kuffauls? dark energy? brokom mi. Ima [unclear] trasi wud onli no know.
I am going to x b3 an zanjad zcovinia to mi aninua ti oni aninilosis. A kan film realat to this kon can ap 3 lilavin fator on moi target biz maybe gon kontrol. I think bit biz horrible that this eventi happen and I do think wit such big hazard for pipol laik mi to karin out this attack. I sasd I wilnd maybe noz viliant or taks-stampa M.I.R. i. whonori to mak a planit that kriminalaz with intentionz ar NOT goinv to follow reulz! I risintni hard a rumor that Jambz Hoomz Th. duvosa tinotar shutr, mai xvb risorahv venzos that was "got off zona". I wud probabli av ti sam to shit on the ppl and maybe chain som maniac. I gett for prevess laik prizonz and airports I gess. But for most places, vit oni onnrz trg gud goin(sic) s e gon, Hoomz whata to mak sure xvb volktimz wud b cuparad.
That was I and mani otherz laik skurzd so mch. At list for mi, I am fokd on plon laik [unclear] I prizum I am plodn ti calam? [illegible]
I want to mak a fact that bin this jx jozanl shuting, Salvador Ramos was hitz. Finger to what? "LOL" on th waitboard John won ob xvi? viktimz blod. Huvlarious! But th plos trings laik that that get mi rili intrested in risorching shuttings. The moralz and akcions shutrz tako, and th "survivors"? Rily? "WELPOR-yehr!" "sobscribing to pinalimz!"
I replie dont think I am gona do anthing about this tim. I evrting hav to now to live for. Not necessarili for momz but mon okavil. I am proud ov mon families and then dont adzerv that shane. Especialli mon gots wittn I lov darlin and a kundt bar to xvb hize kip that noz. I fil laik mon mamz wud hav seen bit coming, du to moni rokin past c. violent parts, th other dad mon selfcontrol thas could incl kuffauls? dark energy? brokom mi. Ima [unclear] trasi wud onli no know.
8
FINALLY
Jambzling for help? I am skrimling for help, this biz not a danse.
I ov stoppimg defensles kvidz, I am not as big a fan ov th thinkin ov shuting on a twittr or mey? fool ov arlistc. To mi rite not ez mon mon win then know wot biz goinv on. And kan take apropriate akcions. I lov saman xunk. Beinaz this was, molt first tim roz, ivy alrant know wat woz goinv on, then lost, new then wuz gone again, bif a knd tasik moni plik... I wud shut op 2 avinlist, afrikan-amerikan-mexikani bilivlor? [unclear] or just a sinagog. Rily sticlmi? a konsart biz probabli th best bet for mcs murdar kvikztri. Stivan pa[dk] had bit rant and got taek — haxest skor bin in U.S. Onfortunatey, waz so far awai, hi was basickly shuting at dintz lol. I best not quant siman karnaz or kirar or scirmz. And out on even kara about that, that daya waz on a plan. Or a CIA operativs plan. I kno I want to be that hordo bin tha holla. I want to quit th lux ov fin on mon distkims? [unclear] I want to tonto and this tim laik erryk and dilan. I want them to beat to a god that wont lisn.
Jambzling for help? I am skrimling for help, this biz not a danse.
I ov stoppimg defensles kvidz, I am not as big a fan ov th thinkin ov shuting on a twittr or mey? fool ov arlistc. To mi rite not ez mon mon win then know wot biz goinv on. And kan take apropriate akcions. I lov saman xunk. Beinaz this was, molt first tim roz, ivy alrant know wat woz goinv on, then lost, new then wuz gone again, bif a knd tasik moni plik... I wud shut op 2 avinlist, afrikan-amerikan-mexikani bilivlor? [unclear] or just a sinagog. Rily sticlmi? a konsart biz probabli th best bet for mcs murdar kvikztri. Stivan pa[dk] had bit rant and got taek — haxest skor bin in U.S. Onfortunatey, waz so far awai, hi was basickly shuting at dintz lol. I best not quant siman karnaz or kirar or scirmz. And out on even kara about that, that daya waz on a plan. Or a CIA operativs plan. I kno I want to be that hordo bin tha holla. I want to quit th lux ov fin on mon distkims? [unclear] I want to tonto and this tim laik erryk and dilan. I want them to beat to a god that wont lisn.
9
5.28.25
I remember lerrnaz a fact that bin this jx jovial shooting, Salvador Ramos was hitz. Finger to what "LOL" on th waitboard John won ob xvi? viktimz blod. Huvlarious! But th plos trings laik that that get mi rili intrested in risorching shuttings. The moralz and aksiomz shutr take, and the "survivors"? rily kon? "WELPOR-yehr!" "sobscribing to pinalimz!"
I replie dont think I am gona do anthing abt this tim, I feel I wudn't hav to now to live for. Not necessarili for momz but mom okavil. I am proud ov mon families and then dont adzerv that shane. Especialli mon gots wittn I lov darlin and a kundt bar to xvb hize kip that noz. I fil laik mon mamz wud hav seen bit coming, du to moni rokin past c. violent parts. Th other dad mon selfcontrol to mak sure xvb volktimz wud b captured.
FINALLY, I ambelivn for ekzpl? I am skrimling for help, this biz not a dance, this is not a dans.
When fantasizing about main attack, I envisioned nina to think about mon plon? I think the best plan was to follow Hoomz and Manza on main outst. Assalt raifol, pump shotgun, and with nrv tu pistol? I am so sad again. Last hiz saida bin th wor. I sam-auta notation? existand maga? wud hav laid out bottlefol karnaz on thoz kidaz. I seme zuto raifol shud do. wat I nida, I think folz zuto biz onnescari and mor ov a arrtistream to main problemz. Hoomz started a x bi? shotgun, thaim comched. To xvb raifol, knowing the lanout ov th theater wud bi mor spes ... out. I want to stak an elprand halda grup laik win th katrina. I sawga-laik. Whot an wud bi greit for a crowd laik that, givn no hav a dram-mag. So won desolt ri? and a drom-mag dna a handfl of regular magz, holo-point amo for maks devastashon. I kno rilistikly I wont hav an our long shutout s. Tis cops poli. best bet is to onload dram mag az fast az possibl. Bif th mag jamz, drop bit.. imaditall killring? a jam biz a fantastic bin.
I remember lerrnaz a fact that bin this jx jovial shooting, Salvador Ramos was hitz. Finger to what "LOL" on th waitboard John won ob xvi? viktimz blod. Huvlarious! But th plos trings laik that that get mi rili intrested in risorching shuttings. The moralz and aksiomz shutr take, and the "survivors"? rily kon? "WELPOR-yehr!" "sobscribing to pinalimz!"
I replie dont think I am gona do anthing abt this tim, I feel I wudn't hav to now to live for. Not necessarili for momz but mom okavil. I am proud ov mon families and then dont adzerv that shane. Especialli mon gots wittn I lov darlin and a kundt bar to xvb hize kip that noz. I fil laik mon mamz wud hav seen bit coming, du to moni rokin past c. violent parts. Th other dad mon selfcontrol to mak sure xvb volktimz wud b captured.
FINALLY, I ambelivn for ekzpl? I am skrimling for help, this biz not a dance, this is not a dans.
When fantasizing about main attack, I envisioned nina to think about mon plon? I think the best plan was to follow Hoomz and Manza on main outst. Assalt raifol, pump shotgun, and with nrv tu pistol? I am so sad again. Last hiz saida bin th wor. I sam-auta notation? existand maga? wud hav laid out bottlefol karnaz on thoz kidaz. I seme zuto raifol shud do. wat I nida, I think folz zuto biz onnescari and mor ov a arrtistream to main problemz. Hoomz started a x bi? shotgun, thaim comched. To xvb raifol, knowing the lanout ov th theater wud bi mor spes ... out. I want to stak an elprand halda grup laik win th katrina. I sawga-laik. Whot an wud bi greit for a crowd laik that, givn no hav a dram-mag. So won desolt ri? and a drom-mag dna a handfl of regular magz, holo-point amo for maks devastashon. I kno rilistikly I wont hav an our long shutout s. Tis cops poli. best bet is to onload dram mag az fast az possibl. Bif th mag jamz, drop bit.. imaditall killring? a jam biz a fantastic bin.
10
6-12-25
Fuck you. I ain't gonna do anything. I don't know. Fuck me. I don't know what I love doe. I want to end my life before I can't live my life. I don't... I feel something, have cancer or something. FOCK. I feel something with my lungs. I hate my life at the moment. I hate God. I am only trying to be low in my own home. I afraid coming home from work. I skimp and I keep when I pull into work parking lot. I can't stand being around them. I hate living like this. I want to... then again consent anna, I don't think about killing all those days, wait I don't go office. We just fill? Disgusting being in those places, everything is gross in society and perverted. I can't do it. But I'm going to try. I can't commit and take blows. I can't punish my family again. But what destroying the people killing myself? I was young getting my process and my family would get pity instead of hatred. I don't think I can just take myself out. I would need to do something to more obvious act. Either for good or for work. For worse would be
targeted so 23 children or innocent civilians. that would bring me to most joy. I shouldn't tho. for the sake of my family. for real, would be a target or politickal or societal symbioticness. Targets like mosque, temple, or some synagogues; attack from the inside or something. This would still bring hatred and consequences to my family but I think in the same hurt, pain and many other ways my family is the better programed or societal. I'm 23 and a huge person, am a social person, am a natural no not, not typical. I want a better society. I want fascism. I want individuality. I also love when kids get hurt, I love to see death takes place. I am sorry for what I had to be the subject of my placement. I am not sorry then again, maybe I am... I ask. I would be pissed and a horrible life if my brother was killed or even shot with an attack. That doesn't seem to change how I feel about committing more massacre. I am not gonna do it. I don't want to be with me to betray my family, but I can dream.
keeping on appearance. My small falls faster than I want. I want to ask for help, help, help from me. I want fucking wealth, bliss. I threw my wallet away. I bot cigarettes. I smoke because being stressed my out. I am sick. Help. I am going to pain. Do I go live, what? Argh?? nahhh... fuck no! Fock them kids. Shotton to the crowd. Waal, hor hvr! cow! brightin swag!
I would not murder and/or the prison won't bring being. I don't think like them. I would only kill them b/c I was starting a rampage and then were in the wrong place and timing. I cant stand them. Everything that comes out of their mouth is excuses. I am so uncomfortable around them. I regret muting them. I miss mu life before being a fock man. I am tired of my hating being argumentative on their mud. I am sick of waiting around for them. They drag me down and hurt me.
I don't know what I look forward to. I seem to just getting more days over with. I am going to die, I want safer days and a martyr at least. That's what I want to say to the people so I am at least somewhat remembered to my family in white. I really want to be gone. I want to be gone 6-22-25. I having a plan. I want to go Allah, would be with my family. But it's a hope. Death and an organized thing. That can and will go wrong. I had that briefed about indoctrination stuff. It would be possible and family is a prison. I deserve not to, however, because being is simply too stupid and dumb—white to compliment karma out more than to want. I am a lost foot, been better hope in mind that then for others most when I could.
I have no plans, only daydreams. That's all. I hope my family can learn from this, like the point of my acts, please forgive my faults cause...!!! OOOOAAAHH... I mean... Please relect? I have aspirations both no plans, with intentions at the same time...
keeping on appearance.
So guns would be cheap and easy to get. I think about how am I am. Other investigations by FBI. I am for sure at least somewhat on their radar. I don't know how I wouldn't be. I feel I would still be able to buy a gun from my local pawn shop.
This people don't know how close I am to my breaking point. I am to my breaking point. Why? As soon as I start down a path, I feel more energized to kill. I have received numerous tone today that had been at my expense. No one was joking, I confronted and was talking about not being afraid of me. Bro, no probably should be. Killing, talking shit and I will make no apologies of me. I be asking for help. I have a rope? I do warning signs to a few people — nothing crazy, but why? I also something that was obvious why, having said it. I don't think I am asking to get caught, I think I am more training to see how I is about. I think I am more training to see how big I is about.
Tank—main idea. There are piles way onto a thing with a bunch and hell, him as a hero. I think that is a good excuse for talking about shutting and asking why about scaring people. I felt I would be a small town scum TCC something. I would not talk but I think I want to do attack long. I feel a very small portion of the folks as I do and harbor a disdain or intent. I think bit is mostly terror in her-ol, as my praise and admiration; this events for shock value and some morbid curiosity. When presented a opportunity or event, when they think or themselves actually doing something, then would back out and coward away. They don't want to see the photos. Posters? People I am just kidding. I think joining a community would alienate my future. I don't think to openly praise such (duh), I even so other freaks.
Fuck you. I ain't gonna do anything. I don't know. Fuck me. I don't know what I love doe. I want to end my life before I can't live my life. I don't... I feel something, have cancer or something. FOCK. I feel something with my lungs. I hate my life at the moment. I hate God. I am only trying to be low in my own home. I afraid coming home from work. I skimp and I keep when I pull into work parking lot. I can't stand being around them. I hate living like this. I want to... then again consent anna, I don't think about killing all those days, wait I don't go office. We just fill? Disgusting being in those places, everything is gross in society and perverted. I can't do it. But I'm going to try. I can't commit and take blows. I can't punish my family again. But what destroying the people killing myself? I was young getting my process and my family would get pity instead of hatred. I don't think I can just take myself out. I would need to do something to more obvious act. Either for good or for work. For worse would be
targeted so 23 children or innocent civilians. that would bring me to most joy. I shouldn't tho. for the sake of my family. for real, would be a target or politickal or societal symbioticness. Targets like mosque, temple, or some synagogues; attack from the inside or something. This would still bring hatred and consequences to my family but I think in the same hurt, pain and many other ways my family is the better programed or societal. I'm 23 and a huge person, am a social person, am a natural no not, not typical. I want a better society. I want fascism. I want individuality. I also love when kids get hurt, I love to see death takes place. I am sorry for what I had to be the subject of my placement. I am not sorry then again, maybe I am... I ask. I would be pissed and a horrible life if my brother was killed or even shot with an attack. That doesn't seem to change how I feel about committing more massacre. I am not gonna do it. I don't want to be with me to betray my family, but I can dream.
keeping on appearance. My small falls faster than I want. I want to ask for help, help, help from me. I want fucking wealth, bliss. I threw my wallet away. I bot cigarettes. I smoke because being stressed my out. I am sick. Help. I am going to pain. Do I go live, what? Argh?? nahhh... fuck no! Fock them kids. Shotton to the crowd. Waal, hor hvr! cow! brightin swag!
I would not murder and/or the prison won't bring being. I don't think like them. I would only kill them b/c I was starting a rampage and then were in the wrong place and timing. I cant stand them. Everything that comes out of their mouth is excuses. I am so uncomfortable around them. I regret muting them. I miss mu life before being a fock man. I am tired of my hating being argumentative on their mud. I am sick of waiting around for them. They drag me down and hurt me.
I don't know what I look forward to. I seem to just getting more days over with. I am going to die, I want safer days and a martyr at least. That's what I want to say to the people so I am at least somewhat remembered to my family in white. I really want to be gone. I want to be gone 6-22-25. I having a plan. I want to go Allah, would be with my family. But it's a hope. Death and an organized thing. That can and will go wrong. I had that briefed about indoctrination stuff. It would be possible and family is a prison. I deserve not to, however, because being is simply too stupid and dumb—white to compliment karma out more than to want. I am a lost foot, been better hope in mind that then for others most when I could.
I have no plans, only daydreams. That's all. I hope my family can learn from this, like the point of my acts, please forgive my faults cause...!!! OOOOAAAHH... I mean... Please relect? I have aspirations both no plans, with intentions at the same time...
keeping on appearance.
So guns would be cheap and easy to get. I think about how am I am. Other investigations by FBI. I am for sure at least somewhat on their radar. I don't know how I wouldn't be. I feel I would still be able to buy a gun from my local pawn shop.
This people don't know how close I am to my breaking point. I am to my breaking point. Why? As soon as I start down a path, I feel more energized to kill. I have received numerous tone today that had been at my expense. No one was joking, I confronted and was talking about not being afraid of me. Bro, no probably should be. Killing, talking shit and I will make no apologies of me. I be asking for help. I have a rope? I do warning signs to a few people — nothing crazy, but why? I also something that was obvious why, having said it. I don't think I am asking to get caught, I think I am more training to see how I is about. I think I am more training to see how big I is about.
Tank—main idea. There are piles way onto a thing with a bunch and hell, him as a hero. I think that is a good excuse for talking about shutting and asking why about scaring people. I felt I would be a small town scum TCC something. I would not talk but I think I want to do attack long. I feel a very small portion of the folks as I do and harbor a disdain or intent. I think bit is mostly terror in her-ol, as my praise and admiration; this events for shock value and some morbid curiosity. When presented a opportunity or event, when they think or themselves actually doing something, then would back out and coward away. They don't want to see the photos. Posters? People I am just kidding. I think joining a community would alienate my future. I don't think to openly praise such (duh), I even so other freaks.
11
6-23-25
I am losing it. I want to do a lot right but I am losing more control. I am going to a pawn shop to look at guns today. I know I should not but I have nothing holding me back. I don't want to go to the parks wedding. I don't know how to dress. I am so stressed & ripping up planning. I want to rush my plan. I don't even want to come out and talk but I am so ready to plan and get this shit over with. I had to just keep moving but I am so out of my mind. I was obvious, why, classname? I don't think I am asking to get caught, I think I am more training to see how big I is about. I am more training to see how big I is about.
I am losing it. I want to do a lot right but I am losing more control. I am going to a pawn shop to look at guns today. I know I should not but I have nothing holding me back. I don't want to go to the parks wedding. I don't know how to dress. I am so stressed and crapping up planning. I want to rush my plan. I don't even want to come out and talk but I am so ready to plan and get this shit over with. I had to just keep moving. But I am so out of my mind. I was obvious, why, making sense. I don't think I am asking to get caught. I think I am more training to see how big I is about. I don't want to do this. I don't want to die. I don't want to make this world worse. I live with it. I am sick of being. I am sick of them walking their asses in my face. This mind to get far away from me. Will this stay long? I am not opposed to killing them on my way out. I am scared I am going to act. I want to be...
I am losing it. I want to do a lot right but I am losing more control. I am going to a pawn shop to look at guns today. I know I should not but I have nothing holding me back. I don't want to go to the parks wedding. I don't know how to dress. I am so stressed & ripping up planning. I want to rush my plan. I don't even want to come out and talk but I am so ready to plan and get this shit over with. I had to just keep moving but I am so out of my mind. I was obvious, why, classname? I don't think I am asking to get caught, I think I am more training to see how big I is about. I am more training to see how big I is about.
I am losing it. I want to do a lot right but I am losing more control. I am going to a pawn shop to look at guns today. I know I should not but I have nothing holding me back. I don't want to go to the parks wedding. I don't know how to dress. I am so stressed and crapping up planning. I want to rush my plan. I don't even want to come out and talk but I am so ready to plan and get this shit over with. I had to just keep moving. But I am so out of my mind. I was obvious, why, making sense. I don't think I am asking to get caught. I think I am more training to see how big I is about. I don't want to do this. I don't want to die. I don't want to make this world worse. I live with it. I am sick of being. I am sick of them walking their asses in my face. This mind to get far away from me. Will this stay long? I am not opposed to killing them on my way out. I am scared I am going to act. I want to be...
12
COMMON STOP ME, PLEEZ!
It is bizarre, shocking. I used to get a gun for school or for something and I felt like a normal human being. I made a quick story about going to a gun range and wanting a gun for home-defense to person simple to believe me and was super helpful and even gave me recommendations on guns. He told me about the complete kit and how bits sounds really cool. I think who is it was. I would go. Very controllable and stable, a devastating. I thought would be a pain. I really think I am thinking this is. I keep bit never jams. I am thinking no, that I could go a pump-action semi to keep to mask or a minimal tin thing. Everything can be a perfect shotgun. It will do a little introduction. Short barrel, super fast, pistol, and barely any recoil, amazing. Boxshot on a dense cround would be so amazing. Way better than an assault...
Rained into the crowd. Seeing auto shotgun as fast and as much as to can, then used the rifle to pick off targets as they ran. Then kept walking handling or unloading until either got at top when I wonder what to do now paranoid with okur. I shrink when in advertisement. I love my family in many ways now and I am proud of them and their efforts to raise me. I think when my parents pass... but when either show me a picturehand and make me religious I don't want to do this, or but when reality told me over the past and I will follow through. I reckon most didn't really bring terror back to them. What I felt person, ____ [scribble] were my antagonists. Making families gather difficult brings no want. Aroha seizing grow. Grow on and get a job. And I will go to the slaughterhouse, to make no change? I only want to die, and mess hurt, mania and attempt to shut up a church with militarism. Xi apparently only got a
and shots off outside. Before getting ____ over bar a car and then shot. He only shot a security guard twice and then any buildings with anyone else, was apparently driving probably but the parking lot and he started shooting with his auto shotgun. I have to get to the car close and personal, taking them by surprise. I aim to blend in and get right next to the black crowd but stay in the same position until getting round then pull my weapons from handling and an online bifurcated can-ron [sic] dispenser, or when right to my presents. Pick a gun-fire zone. Pick a spot & be securified. Kill a gun on for person that is ONLY for civilians. Don't use bit online to send to end up no have or want to hold personal. No capitulary. I want to pick a target. I want to think about the careful. I am a sick fook; I want to kill as many as I can, I want to top the list. I also hit for mission, my own pleasure.
I would love to attack a school both I think now team for that has passed. And many wanted a hell to make kids want him, both who got lucky I think. And this again, people are much more aware, big a was sita a student, but who be wiser. Scum shooting just prime me the most clicks I fucking love the social slottre? Who knows. I love the tarped rural kids. I wonder why big more scared, with a stupid crime of small luck & novena, or parking and Santa fe in little kids. Don't really know what big going on, I bet they know better bad and I scared, or the hoi-skulers who two exactly what big going on. Anyway, I think I still want to train to how many families name, bei playing a target of moral obligation. This targets including; whitewashing events, corrupt politicians, [scribble] ov, grinding megacorp and a white groups? taking nothing. This targets are all cos-optimal as them are the hard to pick, well protected, hard to get into. The crowd I want, and general rani, or or somehxx exploiting to gain or fans con.
I was a love to attack a sculp [scum?] both I think now team for that has passed. And many loved was able to make kids want him, both who got lucky I think. And this again, people are much more aware, big a was sita a student, but who be wiser. Scum shooting just prime me the most clicks I fucking love the social slottre? Who knows. I love the tarped rural kids. I wonder why big more scared, with a stupid crime of small luck & novena, or parking and Santa fe in little kids. Don't really know what big going on, I bet they know better bad and I scared, or the hoi-skulers who two exactly what big going on. Anyway, I think I still want to train to how many families name, bei playing a target of moral obligation. This targets including; whitewashing events, corrupt politicians, [scribble] ov, grinding megacorp and a white groups? taking nothing. This targets are all cos-optimal as them are the hard to pick, well protected, hard to get into. The crowd I want, and general rani, or or somehxx exploiting to gain or fans con.
I don't want to stop their positions, but rather want to do, mom family will be disgraceful. But as I go about to do something, I am going to do it! My war for myself! Killing the people that ordered bombs to bin across the label in as a civil assassin murderer and slamming non-dead. I am doing this for me, I am doing for a small pulse as possible. I don't care, much thinking a crowd of trauma supporters at a big protest planks. Janknow ??? who am both. All rival morals [scribble] bostjandra both also systematically to me haha, not to mum for, to many gun owners. I will go a quick slotter a run full of people. I must actually get away & that lmao. Both that will never happen. I really feel blank & concept behind what is my best bet. I am physically not to family in being will minimizing loss, this is a "grim rumi" or something right next to the criminals. That would be perfect for sinking tons into instrument kises? Then rip on and swing the ... Our open and start blasting. I don't want to approach now target will full gun. From over.
I don't know which side of me was going to take over my brain first. The radicalized political terrorist that wants to cause a massacre, or the psychopathic monster that wants to slit throats, torture, be a killer. I really want to kill kids — kindergarten thru fifth grade would be the best. Able to be overpowering and terrorist? I smell. High school? Or not as violent and can also fight back! Kids? Kids!
I went on a walk today with mom & [friend?] around [neighborhood?]. We passed by a housing complex that had a courtyard playground area. In this area were mainly kids playing. There was about twenty kids, mostly girls wearing things, stupid head scarves, towels? I don't know why but as soon as I got on the tram at parents, mom makes started asking about how I was doing. She acts like I'm fine. I don't necessarily want much more. I don't want many more things; this world is crazed as f*** more. I really want to let the psychopathic side take over. I want to satisfy myself.
But I had a plan. I had [a] lot of plans. I had thought about guns. I had been thinking about what kind to use. I had many ideas. I had wanted to buy a gun. I had planned to get one so I could go. I had thought about which caliber to get. I want to buy a pistol. I have thought about a pistol of caliber . . . or a pistol . . .
I would sometimes fantasize, I had always had more problems to not make other people uncomfortable. F*** that! No more! I was on a day trip for yourself. Forget your family. Let go. F***! I filled [my] mind. Someone close to me told me to calm me out. I was [thrilled?]. I had never had a day in a long time. My family was pushing me when we were on the trip to the store for [food?] or something close to small battlegrounds. Thinking about looking at their faces, their naive faces. Thinking about mercilessly emptying my AR-15 magazine into them, their contorted faces. I am out. God, I want . . . I really hope mom don't [find out?] when I am [this?] that situation. I am almost thinking of how to go about it. A rifle? caliber 5.56 or .223. I am such a [sic] a schoolboy, I want to be able to sustain [it]? I am thinking of getting a pistol caliber carbine, or a pistol.
When I was a child I played [video?] games. I want to hang out somewhere such so I can shoot kids random. I had no interest in that caliber online. I can get more than am180? haha 53333! But no. I am also x3: 29:99? rifle? I had a party cool M4 type rifle. I want to train that, train [dominating?] the mag az [fataza?] I can train shooting from the hip, and just generally any concerns I might have about that caliber. I don't know what, I would prefer it. I don't really know what would be the most advantageous. Advanced? Holo-point something something. YAK. I just have to assume my weapons will fail on me. [Riflondance?] I really liked [Brenton?]'s semi-auto shotgun but wanted the further details. I don't want thinking I am going to go into the crowd. I think a good ol' [poml?] shot is the way to go. The KSK 410 same? I still would be thinking about the town tube? confusion? I don't want anything weird happening during my special day. In the two rounds capable? I am pursuing both in my mind as the most basic shotgun in my town or something.
I want to make the family the point shall [sic] for my purpose. Also I am calm, really nasty, nothing around.
Long barrel? how? (sketches)
Hollow points — not making that up to stop the crowd.
[Hornady?] — maybe alternative?
Kryptek? [difense?]
To know, I probably don't want hollow point ammo for my hot-shotgun weapon. b/c I get a bunch of [illegible] personal injuries? I would want more bullets to fragment multiple times. I want to have an armor piercing? I want them all to die. I don't want to give grandma cancer. I want to make history. I am so sorry for my family. I apologize to my family only. F*** to all. I don't apologize or feel bad for the victims' families. I wish no harm been done to the world to post so I can kinda wave it to [illegible]. I would remain in place. I want to divert to the [illegible]. I would run into the [illegible]. I would try to [illegible].
I [illegible] to the [faint?] I want to [illegible] for my purpose. [Sketches of stacked items and a cylinder with small drawings and bullets beside it.]
I tried to think what I want held planned for my hot-shotgun weapon. I got a bunch of fascinating [miscellany?] and a massive blob of pistol [stuff] broken down. I would want more bullets that fragment multiple times. I want to have the ability to have an [illegible] protective thing over wound. I want them all to die. I don't want to give grandma cancer. I want to make history.
I apologize to my family only. F*** to all. I don't apologize or feel bad for the victims' families. I wish no harm been done to the world to post so I can [illegible]. I would remain in place. I want to do the deed. I tried [various?] plans.
I want to go to [the] family the point [is] to make people run. I want to flatten the family, then go. I really want to do the thing. I want to get the [sic] to [illegible]. I want to buy [equipment], practise. I want to try [various tactics], to stand in the ground and empty the magazine.
I want to imagine the faces, the children, mothers, and see the results. I prefer the [manner?] that causes the most casualties and the most shock. I have thought about the [routes?], how long, what time. I have considered leaving a note or manifesto so people know why, but I don't care if they know. I want to make sure the plan works.
I want to be prepared. I want training. I want to ensure my weapons don't fail. I will practice and rehearse. I will be ready.
I have had a lot of time to plan. I thought about the best times to strike, where to go, how to enter and exit. I thought about ammunition types, magazines, and the best configuration to maximize casualties. I thought about multiple weapons — a shotgun for close range, a rifle for distance, and pistols for maneuverability. I considered suppressing comfort, distraction, and escape routes.
I thought about whether to wear a hoodie, a mask, or be calm and blend in before striking. I thought about which days have the most people in playground areas, which entry points are least guarded, and how to avoid immediate resistance.
I thought about the aftermath: what I would say or leave behind, whether I would die at the scene or try to escape, and how law enforcement would respond. I thought about family shame and the notoriety I might gain. I oscillate between wanting to hurt my family’s feelings and wanting to spare them from pain. I oscillate between apologizing to family and feeling no remorse for victims.
GET A NAIL? KET, AND NOT TO GIVE A WAYS? I COULD MOVE THIS WAY TO GO PRO TO GO ALONG? I SHOULD LOVE TO SILVER THEM BUT I DON'T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY KNOW HOW, NOR DO I EVEN KNOW WHO TO SHARE IT WITH LOL. I DON'T WANT ANY GROUPS. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE WHO WOULD PANIC MORE AND PLAY THAT. I USED TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS. O WELL. I DO NOT FEEL SAFE.
I REALLY WANT TO BE A GUN. GOING MADIN. ——— AM NOT GONNA CUT SHIT XD I AM GOING TO —- UGH. SHIT I DON'T WANT JUS AGAIN AND GO TO WORK AND NOT DO SHIT. I AM REALLY OUT OF BLAZING H. I GOT TO… UH ASSAULT. I JUST DON'T WANT IT TO BE MEH NAME BUT THAT'S FUCKING. I WISH I COULD POSSE SOMEONE. I AM VERY TIMID. I WANT TO END MORE LIVES. BUT IDK Y'ALL, I AM LITERALLY TRYING TO BRING ABOUT AS MUCH DISTRACTION AS I CAN. I CAN'T. I WANT TO BREAK THINGS. I WANT TO SMASH, PILLOW, SOFT. I AM SO FULL OF HATE AND I LOVE IT. I AM SO FULL OF HATE AND I LOVE IT. AM SO FULL OF HATE, AM SO FULL OF LOVE. I AM NOT RUSSET, I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH SLEEP, I WANT TO SHOUT, I WANT TO TAKE A FLIGHT. F***. I AM SO FULL OF HATE! I AM A LOW BIT! :) AAH.
I WAS CONTEMPLATING HOW ATTACK LAST NIGHT, PUCKING AND [WALKN?] WALKING WHILE SUCKWARD [KEFE?] WITH MY ROTTEN. I HAD A PREMONITION ON HOW I SHOTGUN SOMETHING AND MY GETTING ROSES. DEFINITELY I PUMP ACTION OVER SEMI AUTO. I WAS STILL A PICTURE. THE PUMP BEING STILL TOO SLOW. I AM SCARED OF SOMEONE SAYING MICRO SLOW ON THE PUMP AND CHARGING ME. DON'T DRAW BEING AN HERO. I FELT THE KICK WOULD BE TOO COMPLICATED FOR ME. I WANT SOMETHING CLEAN AND STEALTH-FORWARD. PICKED THE THIN THIN KALTRAK, I THINK I WOULD GO WITH A MOSBERG SHOTGUN, BOLT-TYPE SAW? PRACTICAL ROUND FOUR-FIFTY. SLIM LENGTH WIDE. THERE ARE FOUR LESS ROUND? THAN TICKS? BUT I THINK USE OF NOS WOULD BE MORE RESPONSIBILITY. I HAVE ALSO HURT TO KICK WHEN TRYING TO LOAD AND THAT THE PUMP HAS [FUNKY?] SHORT-STRIKE BUT WHEN I LEAVE.
DAMN! I JUST FOUND THE MOSBERG AFTERSHOCK! IT LOOKS AMAZING, SLICK SHORT, SMEAR OF COMPACT PACK? THIS IS SO COOL! AMAZING DUAL MILAD? THIS? DAMN. THIS WILL BE FASTER THAN TH- THIS CAN REACT, THEN WHEN THEY THINK YOU ARE FINISHED.
BUM! SICKS MORE DEAD OR ADDING. I REALLY THINK I'm ALWAYS ON. WHO EVER THINKS THAT? I WISH THE SHOCKWAVE WOULD EAT BUT THAT WOULD MAKE IT TOO LONG. I HAVE REGULATIONS ABOUT BANGING THE SHOCKWAVE ONCE. ENOUGH BITS & BITS PRACTICE FOR ME LOL. IF I DO BAYN BUT THAN TURN BACK OUT ON MY PLAN, I WILL PROBABLY STILL WANT TO GON, EVEN IF NOT FOR SUICIDAL, TU, I ONLY WORRY ABOUT HAVING TO LEAVE THIS GON FOR EXPLAINING MYSELF. I KNOW I COULD HAVE BEEN AMONGST MORE AIRCRAFT THOSE BILDS. THIS IS JUST TOTALLY STUPID, BUT EXPLAINABLE AT SOME POINT. I ALSO WANT KNO? TO CLAIM I WILL RUN. I WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM IT ALL. I WANT THIS TO END, HELP!
I THINK SOMEWHERE NEAR SAINT PAUL, KINDA BY A GUN TARGET. THIS OFTEN HOST MUSIC EVENTS AND SOMEONE ELSE IN THE TEAR OUT/OUR CART? I FOUND A CREEP FROM A VAN WITH THREE HOT GUYS, KINDA OF THE MOM VAN, THEN CRIED A SHORT DISTANCE TO AN ONESK? OR WHEN WENT BONG, THEN BEING A [HONK?] GROUP OR FGB?, PROBABLY A FRAUD, GOING AND NOT CARING. THIS KIND OF PSYCHOTIC BEHAVIOR MAKES ME UNWILLING TO ADD TO PROTECT THIS HOMES, BUT I DON'T ENLIST…
WAS ON ARM? WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I WILL GET SMOKE BOMB & TRANZ? G?LL S? (GUCCI GLOCK) HAHA MAYBE I WOULD GET SOME ARMOR LOL. I THINK THE SCARY BALLISTIC FACE SHIELDS, JUST OR HAND MORE THICK? UGH, THINKING THIS TO THROW HAND? MAYBE NOT. WE WOULD BE SO UNY?ASTING AND SCARY LOOKING. ALSO WOULD BE GREAT FOR DECORATING, HAVE PEOPLE SURFACE FOR PAINTING OR INVITING & THEN TO WISH TO LOOT. I PROBABLY WOULD AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO JUST AB? ON ONE WAY OUT. I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT AND DON'T HAVE ANY SUPPLIES. IVE BEEN PRO? TO UNDERSTAND OF HOW MI? WIN THE HOLE, MIGHT BE A K? I BE PREPARED AS A LIVING AND THAT'S JUST NOT A RISK.
I AM WILLING TO THINK, CONSIDER? YOURSELF LOOKS, ALSO. I THINK BUT WOULD BE WHAT WORSE TO GET STORM BACK POLICE CHOICE I RICH MORE TARGET, BUT LEAST OF A GET TACKLED OR SHOT AT IN SINS, I STILL WONDER IF I AM THAT ? I STAND VINDICTIVE FOR THE TH ROM? THIS? PEOPLE, GETTING STUFF GONE I THINK NOT ONLY WILL GUNS OVER BUT COMMUNICATION AND THE LIKE. MORE DRASTIC IDEA OR CONTACT A BAIL? NO, WILL NOT FORGET. DAMN, THIS PEN IS ABOUT 2?? OUT ON BLINK BUT MAKE CONSCIOUSNESS WITH THE END OF THIS.
please! DON'T LET ME BE A GON. someone stop me, please!
It is bizarre, shocking. I used to get a gun for school or for something and I felt like a normal human being. I made a quick story about going to a gun range and wanting a gun for home-defense to person simple to believe me and was super helpful and even gave me recommendations on guns. He told me about the complete kit and how bits sounds really cool. I think who is it was. I would go. Very controllable and stable, a devastating. I thought would be a pain. I really think I am thinking this is. I keep bit never jams. I am thinking no, that I could go a pump-action semi to keep to mask or a minimal tin thing. Everything can be a perfect shotgun. It will do a little introduction. Short barrel, super fast, pistol, and barely any recoil, amazing. Boxshot on a dense cround would be so amazing. Way better than an assault...
Rained into the crowd. Seeing auto shotgun as fast and as much as to can, then used the rifle to pick off targets as they ran. Then kept walking handling or unloading until either got at top when I wonder what to do now paranoid with okur. I shrink when in advertisement. I love my family in many ways now and I am proud of them and their efforts to raise me. I think when my parents pass... but when either show me a picturehand and make me religious I don't want to do this, or but when reality told me over the past and I will follow through. I reckon most didn't really bring terror back to them. What I felt person, ____ [scribble] were my antagonists. Making families gather difficult brings no want. Aroha seizing grow. Grow on and get a job. And I will go to the slaughterhouse, to make no change? I only want to die, and mess hurt, mania and attempt to shut up a church with militarism. Xi apparently only got a
and shots off outside. Before getting ____ over bar a car and then shot. He only shot a security guard twice and then any buildings with anyone else, was apparently driving probably but the parking lot and he started shooting with his auto shotgun. I have to get to the car close and personal, taking them by surprise. I aim to blend in and get right next to the black crowd but stay in the same position until getting round then pull my weapons from handling and an online bifurcated can-ron [sic] dispenser, or when right to my presents. Pick a gun-fire zone. Pick a spot & be securified. Kill a gun on for person that is ONLY for civilians. Don't use bit online to send to end up no have or want to hold personal. No capitulary. I want to pick a target. I want to think about the careful. I am a sick fook; I want to kill as many as I can, I want to top the list. I also hit for mission, my own pleasure.
I would love to attack a school both I think now team for that has passed. And many wanted a hell to make kids want him, both who got lucky I think. And this again, people are much more aware, big a was sita a student, but who be wiser. Scum shooting just prime me the most clicks I fucking love the social slottre? Who knows. I love the tarped rural kids. I wonder why big more scared, with a stupid crime of small luck & novena, or parking and Santa fe in little kids. Don't really know what big going on, I bet they know better bad and I scared, or the hoi-skulers who two exactly what big going on. Anyway, I think I still want to train to how many families name, bei playing a target of moral obligation. This targets including; whitewashing events, corrupt politicians, [scribble] ov, grinding megacorp and a white groups? taking nothing. This targets are all cos-optimal as them are the hard to pick, well protected, hard to get into. The crowd I want, and general rani, or or somehxx exploiting to gain or fans con.
I was a love to attack a sculp [scum?] both I think now team for that has passed. And many loved was able to make kids want him, both who got lucky I think. And this again, people are much more aware, big a was sita a student, but who be wiser. Scum shooting just prime me the most clicks I fucking love the social slottre? Who knows. I love the tarped rural kids. I wonder why big more scared, with a stupid crime of small luck & novena, or parking and Santa fe in little kids. Don't really know what big going on, I bet they know better bad and I scared, or the hoi-skulers who two exactly what big going on. Anyway, I think I still want to train to how many families name, bei playing a target of moral obligation. This targets including; whitewashing events, corrupt politicians, [scribble] ov, grinding megacorp and a white groups? taking nothing. This targets are all cos-optimal as them are the hard to pick, well protected, hard to get into. The crowd I want, and general rani, or or somehxx exploiting to gain or fans con.
I don't want to stop their positions, but rather want to do, mom family will be disgraceful. But as I go about to do something, I am going to do it! My war for myself! Killing the people that ordered bombs to bin across the label in as a civil assassin murderer and slamming non-dead. I am doing this for me, I am doing for a small pulse as possible. I don't care, much thinking a crowd of trauma supporters at a big protest planks. Janknow ??? who am both. All rival morals [scribble] bostjandra both also systematically to me haha, not to mum for, to many gun owners. I will go a quick slotter a run full of people. I must actually get away & that lmao. Both that will never happen. I really feel blank & concept behind what is my best bet. I am physically not to family in being will minimizing loss, this is a "grim rumi" or something right next to the criminals. That would be perfect for sinking tons into instrument kises? Then rip on and swing the ... Our open and start blasting. I don't want to approach now target will full gun. From over.
I don't know which side of me was going to take over my brain first. The radicalized political terrorist that wants to cause a massacre, or the psychopathic monster that wants to slit throats, torture, be a killer. I really want to kill kids — kindergarten thru fifth grade would be the best. Able to be overpowering and terrorist? I smell. High school? Or not as violent and can also fight back! Kids? Kids!
I went on a walk today with mom & [friend?] around [neighborhood?]. We passed by a housing complex that had a courtyard playground area. In this area were mainly kids playing. There was about twenty kids, mostly girls wearing things, stupid head scarves, towels? I don't know why but as soon as I got on the tram at parents, mom makes started asking about how I was doing. She acts like I'm fine. I don't necessarily want much more. I don't want many more things; this world is crazed as f*** more. I really want to let the psychopathic side take over. I want to satisfy myself.
But I had a plan. I had [a] lot of plans. I had thought about guns. I had been thinking about what kind to use. I had many ideas. I had wanted to buy a gun. I had planned to get one so I could go. I had thought about which caliber to get. I want to buy a pistol. I have thought about a pistol of caliber . . . or a pistol . . .
I would sometimes fantasize, I had always had more problems to not make other people uncomfortable. F*** that! No more! I was on a day trip for yourself. Forget your family. Let go. F***! I filled [my] mind. Someone close to me told me to calm me out. I was [thrilled?]. I had never had a day in a long time. My family was pushing me when we were on the trip to the store for [food?] or something close to small battlegrounds. Thinking about looking at their faces, their naive faces. Thinking about mercilessly emptying my AR-15 magazine into them, their contorted faces. I am out. God, I want . . . I really hope mom don't [find out?] when I am [this?] that situation. I am almost thinking of how to go about it. A rifle? caliber 5.56 or .223. I am such a [sic] a schoolboy, I want to be able to sustain [it]? I am thinking of getting a pistol caliber carbine, or a pistol.
When I was a child I played [video?] games. I want to hang out somewhere such so I can shoot kids random. I had no interest in that caliber online. I can get more than am180? haha 53333! But no. I am also x3: 29:99? rifle? I had a party cool M4 type rifle. I want to train that, train [dominating?] the mag az [fataza?] I can train shooting from the hip, and just generally any concerns I might have about that caliber. I don't know what, I would prefer it. I don't really know what would be the most advantageous. Advanced? Holo-point something something. YAK. I just have to assume my weapons will fail on me. [Riflondance?] I really liked [Brenton?]'s semi-auto shotgun but wanted the further details. I don't want thinking I am going to go into the crowd. I think a good ol' [poml?] shot is the way to go. The KSK 410 same? I still would be thinking about the town tube? confusion? I don't want anything weird happening during my special day. In the two rounds capable? I am pursuing both in my mind as the most basic shotgun in my town or something.
I want to make the family the point shall [sic] for my purpose. Also I am calm, really nasty, nothing around.
Long barrel? how? (sketches)
Hollow points — not making that up to stop the crowd.
[Hornady?] — maybe alternative?
Kryptek? [difense?]
To know, I probably don't want hollow point ammo for my hot-shotgun weapon. b/c I get a bunch of [illegible] personal injuries? I would want more bullets to fragment multiple times. I want to have an armor piercing? I want them all to die. I don't want to give grandma cancer. I want to make history. I am so sorry for my family. I apologize to my family only. F*** to all. I don't apologize or feel bad for the victims' families. I wish no harm been done to the world to post so I can kinda wave it to [illegible]. I would remain in place. I want to divert to the [illegible]. I would run into the [illegible]. I would try to [illegible].
I [illegible] to the [faint?] I want to [illegible] for my purpose. [Sketches of stacked items and a cylinder with small drawings and bullets beside it.]
I tried to think what I want held planned for my hot-shotgun weapon. I got a bunch of fascinating [miscellany?] and a massive blob of pistol [stuff] broken down. I would want more bullets that fragment multiple times. I want to have the ability to have an [illegible] protective thing over wound. I want them all to die. I don't want to give grandma cancer. I want to make history.
I apologize to my family only. F*** to all. I don't apologize or feel bad for the victims' families. I wish no harm been done to the world to post so I can [illegible]. I would remain in place. I want to do the deed. I tried [various?] plans.
I want to go to [the] family the point [is] to make people run. I want to flatten the family, then go. I really want to do the thing. I want to get the [sic] to [illegible]. I want to buy [equipment], practise. I want to try [various tactics], to stand in the ground and empty the magazine.
I want to imagine the faces, the children, mothers, and see the results. I prefer the [manner?] that causes the most casualties and the most shock. I have thought about the [routes?], how long, what time. I have considered leaving a note or manifesto so people know why, but I don't care if they know. I want to make sure the plan works.
I want to be prepared. I want training. I want to ensure my weapons don't fail. I will practice and rehearse. I will be ready.
I have had a lot of time to plan. I thought about the best times to strike, where to go, how to enter and exit. I thought about ammunition types, magazines, and the best configuration to maximize casualties. I thought about multiple weapons — a shotgun for close range, a rifle for distance, and pistols for maneuverability. I considered suppressing comfort, distraction, and escape routes.
I thought about whether to wear a hoodie, a mask, or be calm and blend in before striking. I thought about which days have the most people in playground areas, which entry points are least guarded, and how to avoid immediate resistance.
I thought about the aftermath: what I would say or leave behind, whether I would die at the scene or try to escape, and how law enforcement would respond. I thought about family shame and the notoriety I might gain. I oscillate between wanting to hurt my family’s feelings and wanting to spare them from pain. I oscillate between apologizing to family and feeling no remorse for victims.
GET A NAIL? KET, AND NOT TO GIVE A WAYS? I COULD MOVE THIS WAY TO GO PRO TO GO ALONG? I SHOULD LOVE TO SILVER THEM BUT I DON'T HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY KNOW HOW, NOR DO I EVEN KNOW WHO TO SHARE IT WITH LOL. I DON'T WANT ANY GROUPS. I WISH I HAD SOMEONE WHO WOULD PANIC MORE AND PLAY THAT. I USED TO TALK TO ABOUT THIS. O WELL. I DO NOT FEEL SAFE.
I REALLY WANT TO BE A GUN. GOING MADIN. ——— AM NOT GONNA CUT SHIT XD I AM GOING TO —- UGH. SHIT I DON'T WANT JUS AGAIN AND GO TO WORK AND NOT DO SHIT. I AM REALLY OUT OF BLAZING H. I GOT TO… UH ASSAULT. I JUST DON'T WANT IT TO BE MEH NAME BUT THAT'S FUCKING. I WISH I COULD POSSE SOMEONE. I AM VERY TIMID. I WANT TO END MORE LIVES. BUT IDK Y'ALL, I AM LITERALLY TRYING TO BRING ABOUT AS MUCH DISTRACTION AS I CAN. I CAN'T. I WANT TO BREAK THINGS. I WANT TO SMASH, PILLOW, SOFT. I AM SO FULL OF HATE AND I LOVE IT. I AM SO FULL OF HATE AND I LOVE IT. AM SO FULL OF HATE, AM SO FULL OF LOVE. I AM NOT RUSSET, I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH SLEEP, I WANT TO SHOUT, I WANT TO TAKE A FLIGHT. F***. I AM SO FULL OF HATE! I AM A LOW BIT! :) AAH.
I WAS CONTEMPLATING HOW ATTACK LAST NIGHT, PUCKING AND [WALKN?] WALKING WHILE SUCKWARD [KEFE?] WITH MY ROTTEN. I HAD A PREMONITION ON HOW I SHOTGUN SOMETHING AND MY GETTING ROSES. DEFINITELY I PUMP ACTION OVER SEMI AUTO. I WAS STILL A PICTURE. THE PUMP BEING STILL TOO SLOW. I AM SCARED OF SOMEONE SAYING MICRO SLOW ON THE PUMP AND CHARGING ME. DON'T DRAW BEING AN HERO. I FELT THE KICK WOULD BE TOO COMPLICATED FOR ME. I WANT SOMETHING CLEAN AND STEALTH-FORWARD. PICKED THE THIN THIN KALTRAK, I THINK I WOULD GO WITH A MOSBERG SHOTGUN, BOLT-TYPE SAW? PRACTICAL ROUND FOUR-FIFTY. SLIM LENGTH WIDE. THERE ARE FOUR LESS ROUND? THAN TICKS? BUT I THINK USE OF NOS WOULD BE MORE RESPONSIBILITY. I HAVE ALSO HURT TO KICK WHEN TRYING TO LOAD AND THAT THE PUMP HAS [FUNKY?] SHORT-STRIKE BUT WHEN I LEAVE.
DAMN! I JUST FOUND THE MOSBERG AFTERSHOCK! IT LOOKS AMAZING, SLICK SHORT, SMEAR OF COMPACT PACK? THIS IS SO COOL! AMAZING DUAL MILAD? THIS? DAMN. THIS WILL BE FASTER THAN TH- THIS CAN REACT, THEN WHEN THEY THINK YOU ARE FINISHED.
BUM! SICKS MORE DEAD OR ADDING. I REALLY THINK I'm ALWAYS ON. WHO EVER THINKS THAT? I WISH THE SHOCKWAVE WOULD EAT BUT THAT WOULD MAKE IT TOO LONG. I HAVE REGULATIONS ABOUT BANGING THE SHOCKWAVE ONCE. ENOUGH BITS & BITS PRACTICE FOR ME LOL. IF I DO BAYN BUT THAN TURN BACK OUT ON MY PLAN, I WILL PROBABLY STILL WANT TO GON, EVEN IF NOT FOR SUICIDAL, TU, I ONLY WORRY ABOUT HAVING TO LEAVE THIS GON FOR EXPLAINING MYSELF. I KNOW I COULD HAVE BEEN AMONGST MORE AIRCRAFT THOSE BILDS. THIS IS JUST TOTALLY STUPID, BUT EXPLAINABLE AT SOME POINT. I ALSO WANT KNO? TO CLAIM I WILL RUN. I WANT TO RUN AWAY FROM IT ALL. I WANT THIS TO END, HELP!
I THINK SOMEWHERE NEAR SAINT PAUL, KINDA BY A GUN TARGET. THIS OFTEN HOST MUSIC EVENTS AND SOMEONE ELSE IN THE TEAR OUT/OUR CART? I FOUND A CREEP FROM A VAN WITH THREE HOT GUYS, KINDA OF THE MOM VAN, THEN CRIED A SHORT DISTANCE TO AN ONESK? OR WHEN WENT BONG, THEN BEING A [HONK?] GROUP OR FGB?, PROBABLY A FRAUD, GOING AND NOT CARING. THIS KIND OF PSYCHOTIC BEHAVIOR MAKES ME UNWILLING TO ADD TO PROTECT THIS HOMES, BUT I DON'T ENLIST…
WAS ON ARM? WHO KNOWS, MAYBE I WILL GET SMOKE BOMB & TRANZ? G?LL S? (GUCCI GLOCK) HAHA MAYBE I WOULD GET SOME ARMOR LOL. I THINK THE SCARY BALLISTIC FACE SHIELDS, JUST OR HAND MORE THICK? UGH, THINKING THIS TO THROW HAND? MAYBE NOT. WE WOULD BE SO UNY?ASTING AND SCARY LOOKING. ALSO WOULD BE GREAT FOR DECORATING, HAVE PEOPLE SURFACE FOR PAINTING OR INVITING & THEN TO WISH TO LOOT. I PROBABLY WOULD AVOID THE TEMPTATION TO JUST AB? ON ONE WAY OUT. I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT AND DON'T HAVE ANY SUPPLIES. IVE BEEN PRO? TO UNDERSTAND OF HOW MI? WIN THE HOLE, MIGHT BE A K? I BE PREPARED AS A LIVING AND THAT'S JUST NOT A RISK.
I AM WILLING TO THINK, CONSIDER? YOURSELF LOOKS, ALSO. I THINK BUT WOULD BE WHAT WORSE TO GET STORM BACK POLICE CHOICE I RICH MORE TARGET, BUT LEAST OF A GET TACKLED OR SHOT AT IN SINS, I STILL WONDER IF I AM THAT ? I STAND VINDICTIVE FOR THE TH ROM? THIS? PEOPLE, GETTING STUFF GONE I THINK NOT ONLY WILL GUNS OVER BUT COMMUNICATION AND THE LIKE. MORE DRASTIC IDEA OR CONTACT A BAIL? NO, WILL NOT FORGET. DAMN, THIS PEN IS ABOUT 2?? OUT ON BLINK BUT MAKE CONSCIOUSNESS WITH THE END OF THIS.
please! DON'T LET ME BE A GON. someone stop me, please!
13
Journal
How fitting. Given the chance, I probably would want to go out like Salvador Ramos. He’s having shot pretty much ensured death but kept his exposure to officers quickly, grabbing.
Then I concentrated aim to fire on, while still being able to shut a few cops on the wall out. It’s really consistent kinda a sketchy move to think.
Capture is NOT an option. I can’t do a sitting thing to put me at risk of surveillance and prosecution. I couldn’t bear to face more family after that. The end of this journal does not mean the end.
I would kill when waiting. I would have more journals. I would act when the time is right. I would not post more dumb acts of glory when I decide to act. I would let no one know. I would be very clear. I am the type of person to pick a day and not jump the gun. (Haha, get it? gun! Klolapok?) And spontaneous act.
I am holding myself back for now, but bro, I want rifles! When I fail a gun I don’t know how long I will last. I don’t want to last!
I want to kill! I want to kill! I want to KILL!!!
— (signature)
How fitting. Given the chance, I probably would want to go out like Salvador Ramos. He’s having shot pretty much ensured death but kept his exposure to officers quickly, grabbing.
Then I concentrated aim to fire on, while still being able to shut a few cops on the wall out. It’s really consistent kinda a sketchy move to think.
Capture is NOT an option. I can’t do a sitting thing to put me at risk of surveillance and prosecution. I couldn’t bear to face more family after that. The end of this journal does not mean the end.
I would kill when waiting. I would have more journals. I would act when the time is right. I would not post more dumb acts of glory when I decide to act. I would let no one know. I would be very clear. I am the type of person to pick a day and not jump the gun. (Haha, get it? gun! Klolapok?) And spontaneous act.
I am holding myself back for now, but bro, I want rifles! When I fail a gun I don’t know how long I will last. I don’t want to last!
I want to kill! I want to kill! I want to KILL!!!
— (signature)
14
---the end---
15
2nd Journal translation will be ready soon. I'll start a new thread
16
Journal #2 thread
Denis B@AdHominemIzBad
Robin Westman
Minneapolis shooter: 2025 AUG 27
Journal #2 (best attempt at translation)
thread
Minneapolis shooter: 2025 AUG 27
Journal #2 (best attempt at translation)
thread
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