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Metanoia; a #yoonminau He tastes of cheap beer and cigarettes. His hands are rough where they touch him, holds him. They are big, covers his throat where he holds him. Those lips are chapped, nothing on them to soften them up. The kiss is just like that. Rough. Like those lips.
Yoongi stirs the broth, “I am doing my best to not look at the catastrophe on the cutting board.” Jimin gapes, “was that supposed to be a jab?” “Yes,” Yoongi nods. Jimin stares, “I have a knife in my grasp, and you are pissing me off. Do you see the stupidity here?”
Yoongi sighs, looking at the cutting board with distaste, “yeah, you are terrible at this.” Jimin looks at the board too, “what did I do wrong? They are chopped!” Yoongi points, “they are so uneven-” “They will boil in the broth!” Jimin puts his hands on his hips, “who cares?”
It dawns on them at the same time. The déjà vu. They had this conversation before. Jimin wrapped in Yoongi's arms, Yoongi's chin on Jimin's shoulder. Jimin, cutting the onions with a pout and saying the exact words. They both stare at the onions. Both going frozen.
Jimin swallows, the knife feeling heavy in his hold now. He risks a glance at Yoongi who is still looking at the cutting board. “I tried my best,” Jimin whispers, voice thin. Yoongi blinks, his expression going blank. He nods. “I know. Just, your best is not good enough.”
Yoongi takes the knife from Jimin and picks up the chopping board. Jimin watches Yoongi swipe the onions in the bin and starts on a fresh one. Jimin feels the burn in his eyes this time too. He swallows, watching Yoongi for a second too long. “I am sorry,” he whispers.
Yoongi chuckles, “don't worry. Who cares? It's not worth your time anyway.” Jimin reaches out in desperation, grasping the sleeve of Yoongi's shirt, “please.” Yoongi freezes, looking at where Jimin holds him and back at Jimin's face. Jimin clutches onto the sleeve.
“Please?” Yoongi chuckles, his voice empty, “since when you worry about worthless things like this? Just go. I will take care of it-” “You know what I mean,” Jimin steps closer to Yoongi in his urgency, “you know what I am talking about.” Jimin hates how Yoongi smiles at him.
Yoongi looks at him with burning eyes, his smile chilling Jimin to his core. “I know,” Yoongi nods, “but, I don't owe you forgiveness, Park Jimin. Never fucking ask that of me.” Jimin flinches when Yoongi jerks his hand free, turning away. Jin walks in right at that moment.
Yoongi dumps the onions in the broth and holds out the spatula for Jin. He storms out of the kitchen. Jimin follows him. The others are starting a movie that they will watch while eating. Yoongi goes to sit beside Jungkook and Jimin sits on the other side, beside Taehyung.
⛈⛈⛈⛈⛈
Yoongi can't focus on the movie. The past six years keep flashing across his eyes. He can't help but remember how much he had to struggle to get accepted in a company. He can't help but remember the time he was scammed and all of his works were registered under a different name.
Yoongi still remembers seeing Jimin's sign on those pages. It burns something inside him when he thinks how his hardwork is paying someone else. He can't believe Jimin thinks a damn sorry will do anything to heal that. He can't believe Jimin has the audacity to even say that.
When the movie ends, Yoongi gets up quickly, “I need to go. I have some work I left unfinished.” They all excuse him. Yoongi picks up his keys and gets out of the apartment. He drives back to his apartment in blind rage. This rage is his companion for six years now.
Nothing ever soothes it. Yoongi can't get it out of his system, no matter how hard he tries. It's always there. Shimmering right under his skin. Keeping him at the edge. This anger bubbled in his veins, he has no clue how to get rid of it. It burns him to look at Jimin.
Yoongi busies himself with work. Namjoon and Hoseok come to his studio, talk among themselves, try to make him join in. Yoongi dutifully ignores them. But, he still knows Taehyung bought an apartment here, making Jimin get one in the same building. Right beside him.
“They are throwing a joined house-warming party,” Hoseok comes into his studio one day, “you are coming with me.” “I am not,” Yoongi shakes his head, “my work-” “Can wait,” Namjoon joins Hoseok, “Koo is starting to think you still don't like Tae, and it won't fly. Come on.”
Yoongi rubs his forehead, tired, “I just don't understand why koo needs my approval anyway. He is dating the man he loves, end of story.” “You know he values your opinion, and he loves you, hyung,” Hoseok sits on the chair next to Yoongi, “don't upset him. Come on.”
Yoongi goes to the party with Hoseok. He walks in to see the people attending the party. Almost all of them are known faces. Jeonna and her husband are there, along with Sunmi and many others from their college days. Yoongi already hates the gathering.
Yoongi notices Jimin is there with Yeon strapped to him. He watches how Sunmi talks to Jimin, cooing at the baby. Yoongi takes himself to the kitchen where the drink counter is. He picks up a bottle of beer and watches the crowd in the room. “Some things don't change, huh?”