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In middle-school gym class, the “cool kids” never tried. They jogged instead of sprinting, laughed off losses, acted like they didn’t care. It wasn’t confidence. It was insecurity. Trying hard meant risking failure, and that’s what scared them. A lot of adults are still playing that same game.
We hide behind indifference. It’s safer to act like we’re above it than to care deeply and fall short. But the cost of self-protection is that we never really show up. We never get to see how good we could be.
Not giving your all is a clever escape hatch. If things don’t go your way, you can always say, “Well, I didn’t really try.” It’s the perfect ego shield, you never have to face the truth of your limits. But that same shield also keeps you from discovering what you’re capable of.
Caring deeply is risky because it makes you vulnerable. When you give everything to something, you get to find out the harsh truth. How good am I? Where are my limits? There’s nowhere to hide. But that’s what gives life its depth: the highs, the lows, and everything in between.
Research backs this up. Psychologists call it self-handicapping. When we deliberately hold back effort to protect our ego if we fail. The more we fear failure, the more we subconsciously sabotage ourselves. It feels safe in the moment but creates long-term stagnation.
The paradox is this: the people most comfortable with failing often end up succeeding the most. Because they actually put themselves in the arena. They’re free to give their full effort. Not because they’re fearless, but because they’ve made peace with falling short.
So let's move on from middle school. Trying hard is cool. Caring deeply is a must. The real strength is in effort, in showing up fully even when the outcome isn’t guaranteed. Because indifference never built anything meaningful. Caring did.
The “cool kids” in gym class were wrong...and they still are. Don’t protect your ego. Put yourself in the arena, give it your all, and dare to see how good you can be.
FYI: The "middle school gym" problem and more comes from my book Win the Inside Game. It's currently 44% off! <a target="_blank" href="https://amzn.to/47uQUnP" color="blue">amzn.to/47uQUnP</a>