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HOW WOMEN TAME MEN Early in a relationship, when a man first sleeps with a woman, the first power shift happens. The man, who was initially pursuing sex, has now slept with her. Soon, she becomes his regular partner, and they become lovers. -🧵-
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He now has what he wants: a devoted, regular sex partner. Now SHE must chase him to get him to commit to a more serious relationship. For the next couple months, the woman pursues the man, trying to charm and seduce him, drawing him into a more devoted relationship. She is at her most feminine and appealing with him, always on her best behavior. She wants him to decide that she is the one he wants for the long term.
If he never agrees to commit past a certain point, she will eventually start to reject the relationship. When she does, the dynamic shifts again. The woman pulls away, and her good behavior disappears. The man then chases her to get her back and restore the relationship to how it was. This shift in dynamic usually happens gradually.
At first, she'll be thrilled that he's agreed to commit for the long term. They might move in together, get married, or start a family. However, as time goes on, the woman gains more control over the relationship. The man feels stuck with her and has nowhere else to turn, so he starts to give in to her wishes, or in some cases, avoids them altogether by spending more time away from home, like long nights at the office.
Either way, the outcome is that bit by bit, the woman starts to believe she is the only prize, and she no longer behaves her best. Meanwhile, the man starts to feel like he's no longer the prize: 1. If you're constantly following a woman's lead, she becomes the one in control, making her the prize, and you're not. 2. Even if you try to avoid a woman's control by spending more time away, she's still in charge, and you're just trying to escape her judgment, which still makes her the prize, not you. It's a slow, almost unnoticed change, as men who were highly valued as single guys become less valued in long-term relationships. Many modern men see their friends go through this shift and fear committing to women for the long term.
Their fear is understandable. "I don't want to end up stuck in a sexless marriage," they say. It's a logical reaction. It's a logical reaction to realizing or feeling that, in the long run, they won't be the one seen as valuable. But what if you could have the best of both worlds? What if you could have a long-term relationship with a woman – which is what most guys really want – without having to give up being seen as valuable?
EVERY GUY EXPERIENCES LOSING PRIZE STATUS AT SOME POINT I've been through a relationship where I lost my status as the prize. I held onto it until she wanted more commitment and changes to my lifestyle, and I didn’t agree to that. Then, when the girl started pulling away, and I wasn't ready to give her the level of commitment she wanted, I ended the relationship.
But I didn't really want to let her go, so after about a month, I decided to get her back. When I got her back, she was acting rebellious. It turned out she had started seeing another guy while we were apart, without me knowing. Now she was going out a lot, drinking, spending time with friends, and meeting other guys. She told me we were "FWB!" But I didn't want that because I wanted our old relationship back. But my influence over her had weakened.
I still had some control: I was still the guy she hoped would change into a good husband, but she was already thinking about leaving. Finally, I reached a breaking point and became so unsure of myself and needy that she started asking, "Where's the confident guy who's always in charge?" It felt terrible being the needy one chasing after her. Then, I had a realization: "Hold on a minute – I'm a pretty great guy! I shouldn't be in a messed up relationship like this. I deserve a girl who is completely devoted to me in every way I want."
At that moment, I realized I was done with that relationship. Suddenly, the girl started chasing after me to keep the relationship going again. The change in me was clear. But I had made up my mind, and the relationship was over. What caused the change both times? Before the first breakup, I had lost my ability to show myself as valuable. Even when we got back together in uncertain terms, I still didn't feel like the prize. It was only when I regained my self-worth and knew what kind of relationship I deserved that I became the prize again – and made her start chasing me once more.
That happened a few years ago. Since then, I've consistently been the valuable one in my relationships. I believe every guy needs to go through losing his status as the prize in a relationship at least once. Without experiencing how awful it feels to chase after a woman who's seen as the prize, there will always be:
1. Fear of the Unknown: you won't truly understand what it's like to not be valued, and you might think it's scarier or riskier than it really is. Anecdotally, it seems like many men with avoidant attachment styles tend to do this, always ready to end things. In relationships, some guys start worrying about power struggles before they even happen, which can lead to problems. 2. Avoidance Laziness: the opposite problem is also true. Others are too relaxed, thinking, "That won't happen to me," or, "My girl is different." Because of this, they don't put in the effort to avoid these issues.
As a result, the woman's efforts to gain more control in the relationship can succeed, and you might end up feeling low. It's important to experience this at least once, preferably in an early, serious relationship, so you understand how it feels. But after that, it's crucial to always be the valued one in your relationships.
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