You feel you're doing all the work in your relationship.
Your needs feel too much.
You wonder if you're the problem.
Why they may have avoidant attachment:
About 25% of people have an avoidant attachment style. Avoidant people have a constant feeling of pressure and a fear of vulnerability.
The needs of other people are highly overwhelming. Isolation and alone time where they're not perceived by others are where they most feel "themselves."
Typically, they find themselves with people who have anxious attachment. As their partner pushes for more connection, time, and closeness, pressure builds up in their body.
Unable to communicate this, they can leave their partner questioning themselves. Their partners start to feel like they're asking for too much or feel shame for wanting connection.
Many people with avoidant attachment grew up with extremely strict or chaotic childhoods. They cope with this through a strong love of novelty over consistency.
For examples:
- nomadic lifestyles
- traveling as escape
- cycling through many relationships
- "extreme" hobbies (adrenaline rushes)
- stopping and starting new things constantly
- nomadic lifestyles
- traveling as escape
- cycling through many relationships
- "extreme" hobbies (adrenaline rushes)
- stopping and starting new things constantly
When people get too close, they can self sabotage. Their core belief is "people who love me will leave" and "a part of me is not lovable."
For people with avoidant attachment, any conflict feels like a chore. They prefer things to be easy, and when they're not they can go into fantasy mode.
It's a lonely experience for their partners who slowly expect less and less. They face a painful truth that the emotional intimacy they desire cannot be met by a person intent on pushing it away.
Have you experienced this?
Share in the comments...
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