50 Life Upgrades That Sound Insane Until You Try Them

Money, energy, confidence, freedom, taste, madness. The good stuff

By: Day

I have not blinked in forty minutes

The espresso and I have reached an understanding.

The cigaret in my mouth is on fire and so is my soul.

Wednesday. Possibly Thursday. Hawaii. I lost track around the fifth espresso.

I HAVE TRANSCENDED SLEEP AND TIME THANKS TO A LITTLE BEAN.

Window wide open. Ocean air coming through the villa swarming all around me. Salt on my tongue. Mezcal afterfumes still hanging around from a night I remember in flashes, like God edited the security footage for my own protection.

Bukowski to my left like a guard dog.

Hemingway to my right like a war buddy.

The Bible at the head of the table because God always gets that seat and I am not the man who fights Him for it.

Daisy is doing some stretching workout shit (yoga maybe . . . ) in the front room in a way that has historically caused me to lose entire afternoons.

I am pretending not to notice. I am noticing extremely.

I am 26 years old, I have already lived seven hundred lives, and I am typing this at the speed of a mammal trying to outrun its own pulse.

Figured I’d hand out the cheat codes before the morning wears off and I become responsible again, which sounds horrible and should be avoided at all costs.

Every weird, illegal feeling, deeply suspicious thing that drastically improved my life.

If at least three of these don’t make you want to ruin a relationship, quit a job, book a flight, buy white linen, kiss your girl harder, or start a fight , I have failed you and you should sue.

Try a couple. Try all of them.

Catch fire and burn all the way up laughing.

1) Wearing linen long sleeves

The look of the outlaw, the pirate, the free thinking man of taste. You should be living somewhere you can wear them year round. If you can’t, that’s information about your life worth examining.

2) Extreme coffee intake

I tried living sober of coffee. It made my life demonstrably worse.

3) Reading books

My life is always better when there’s an open book somewhere.

4) Reading the Bible in full

It is literally God’s word to humans and you haven’t read it? Is your brain okay? You have read 20 articles about gym routines and health foods or pussy eating and skipped the book that built civilization, changed life as we know it, can save you, and the number 1 sold and reprinted book of all time. Fix that.

5) YOUR GIRL COOKING FOR YOU

Did you know food tastes better when someone who loves you cooks it. The missing ingredient in your paste ash food is LOVE.

6) Living with the ocean in view

I used to think I was an angry man. Then I moved to Hawaii and the anger left in three weeks. Turns out I was not angry. I was caged. There is a difference and most therapists cannot tell. Ask yourself if your rage is a personality or a symptom. If you wouldn’t be angry on a beach in a place that loves you, you are not angry. You are imprisoned. Plan accordingly.

7) Surfing

Surfing has loved me with adrenaline, with peace, tan skin, a perfect body, and most important of all: learning how to ride the waves life sends my way, when to jump in, pop out, keep pumping, wait for better set…. It all applies to life.

8) Not being scared of a drink

A drink is how most all great stories start. The best laughs. The sweetest loves. The friendships that outlive jobs and zip codes. Alcohol like Money is an amplifier of who you already are. If they had to quit I am not so ready to trust them.