@minjiiminie: yoonmin au—after all those y...

yoonmin au—

after all those years without seeing each other, the last way jimin thought he would meet his childhood best friend again was while watching yoongi perform a song he wrote for him.

> this is a commission out of my drafts. it’s an original idea and the commissioner picked it up for me to finish writing it.
> angst with a happy ending
> childhood friends to strangers to lovers
> mentions of past homophobia
> the song yoongi performs:
open.spotify.com/track/01DLQFYb…

Jimin has been going on some dates with this guy for a couple of weeks now but he’s not really into it.

It’s nothing official, only some dates even though he knows the man likes him. Jimin can’t bring himself to talk to him about being an actual couple. He doesn't want to.

He thinks he should be happier, he thinks he should want to make things official, because Seokwoo is a good man, and he cares for Jimin. But Jimin doesn’t like him the way he should and he doesn’t think he can. However he likes him enough to be out on a date with him right now.

Seokwoo was getting together with some colleagues from his job, so he asked Jimin over since everybody was bringing dates. Jimin likes that from the man, how when he has to bring a date he doesn’t doubt about bringing another man, he’s fine with it. Jimin admires that.

They go to a cozy bar, it’s expensive since it’s in a nice district and Seokwoo asks Jimin to dress nicely. Jimin is excited because there will be expensive drinks and it’s a bar popular because of its live music, so at least Jimin will have something to distract himself with.

Once they are all sitting in one of the tables Jimin remembers he has to make a good impression on Seokwoo’s colleagues. Sometimes this dates feels like a burden to him.

He’s softly giggling though, all smiles and whispers to please Seokwoo’s friend and the man as well.

He’s way too into a conversation to notice some people from the bar staff preparing the stage. Seokwoo's friends are retelling a funny story so Jimin doesn't catch the performers moving towards the stage. He doesn't even turn when the lights around the stage change.

The live music is about start soon because the boring elevator song gradually stop, Jimin was excited to see the performers when he arrived since they are the main attraction of the bar but now he's more interested in what everyone from the table is discussing about.

There's no introduction from the musicians, they just start playing. And it doesn’t take too long for Jimin to cut off abruptly what he was saying. He stops when he hears it. The piano. Ten seconds of it.

The familiar tune of the piano, from a song he thinks it’s familiar.

A beat that runs through his skin. A sound he thought he would never listen to again. He stops talking as soon as it reaches his ears because there’s only one man who Jimin has heard play this tune before. Jimin tenses, his whole body goes rigid as different keys come to place.

Seokwoo looks at him concerned because Jimin just cut himself off in the middle of an anecdote, “Jimin ah?”.

Jimin ignores him, he turns cautiously the other way round, gives his back to everyone on the table and faces towards the stage and of course, he sees him. On the piano.

Min Yoongi sits in front of the the piano. He's playing a song Jimin has heard before and Jimin sees him and it's as if not a single year has passed because that's Yoongi and a piano. But it’s been ten years. Ten years since Jimin left home and with it, Yoongi too.

He looks the same as he used to when he plays the piano, the same posture and the same expression. But it's different too and Jimin studies his every feature because he thought he wasn't ever going to see him again. He wants to make sure it's actually him on that stage.

He’s no longer a teenager and it’s clear. Yoongi should be twenty eight years old by now, he’s all grown up. Jimin think he looks very different but at the same time he looks exactly the same. With pale skin and pouty pink lips, his dark brown hair that covers his forehead.

His gentle and soft features, they're all the same. Jimin can't believe it, it can't be true. The tune doesn't stop, and Jimin remembers it, every sound that comes next he knows it. It has to be true because of his expression, the loving expression which with he plays the piano.

Looking at him, it’s as if Jimin is fifteen again, and he’s sitting in the music room of Yoongi’s house watching him play, falling in love for the first and last time. Jimin feels a lump forming at his chest, he knows that if someone asked him to talk right now he couldn’t.

It’s really been ten years, and in all this time Jimin thought he would never see Yoongi again. He had believed this so intensely, he didn't let himself even dream of the possibility of seeing the man again. Jimin isn't prepared to see him, the sight in front is almost surreal.

And at that moment when a million memories are running through Jimin’s head, Yoongi opens his mouth. His raspy and low voice fill the whole bar, the microphone making it resonate on Jimin's ear. Yoongi always loved rapping. He always had such a deep voice for it.

He sometimes liked singing too. He was embarrassed because he couldn't reach high notes but sometimes he liked singing to Jimin in a low note. Jimin remembers, in Yoongi’s room. Yoongi would sing to him. In whispers that would leave Jimin’s skin burning the rest of the day.

Whispers that Jimin would repeat to himself at night, on his bed, when thoughts of Yoongi invaded his mind.

Yoongi liked singing not as much as rapping, but he was fond of it. Maybe with the years he has grown to like it, maybe he thinks his voice is suit for singing now.

Jimin always liked how Yoongi sounded when he sang, he always liked it. As a natural reaction, he smiles faintly at that, at the memory of Yoongi singing to him at nights.

But Jimin feels like he shouldn’t smile for it, it’s not like the memory belongs to him either way.

Jimin registers the words Yoongi is lowly speaking into the microphone and his smile starts to disappear. “Everyone says you're not here,” Yoongi starts. The song begins slowly, with Yoongi whispering to the microphone. “Everyone says you went very far and without warning.”

Jimin doesn’t want to be self centered, but he feels like Yoongi is talking to him. Because it seems like something Yoongi would say to him. Maybe because he just wants to think that Yoongi would sing about him after all this time.

The words though, they seem directed to Jimin.

Jimin never said goodbye to Yoongi when it happened. Not even a letter or a heads up. One day he was there and the next he wasn’t. Sometimes Jimin wonders if it had hurt the elder when Jimin left? Did Yoongi ever cry over him, the same way Jimin had cried over Yoongi?

And the next words are said with such sadness that Jimin figures out all the answers to his questions. Yoongi whispers to the microphone in front of him, “and who will find you now? How will I find you now?”

Jimin closes his eyes. It is a song about him.

The piano fills the room and people have gone quiet. Then Yoongi starts again. “Twenty years back, hidden underneath the table,” Yoongi sings slowly, serene expression. “We would watch the giant's legs dance.”

Without doubt, it is a song about him. It has to be a song for Jimin.

Jimin feels Seokwoo looking at him so Jimin lifts one hand to his face, he wants to cover his reaction because Seokwoo doesn't deserve to see it. Yoongi's words are simple and they are only for Jimin to understand. No one else would know what they mean, only them.

It brings so many memories to him. He can feel the tears prickle his eyes, he doesn't even bother trying to hold them back because he knows more will come his way. Like they do whenever he thinks too much about Yoongi.

He met Yoongi very little. Jimin was six, Yoongi was eight.

Jimin's parents invited the new neighbors to their Christmas party since they had recently moved all the way from Daegu. They had a son about Jimin’s age, but Jimin couldn’t find him anywhere in the party. He was bored and wanted to play so bad but the kid was nowhere to be found

Jimin was sulking because he couldn't find the boy supposed to play with him when he saw someone underneath the main table. Someone as small as him. Jimin crawled under the table and found Yoongi there. Jimin remembers smiling at him, eagerly asking him to go play with him.

Yoongi told Jimin he didn’t want to because he was tired but that they could stay under the table. Jimin pouted and Yoongi explained he liked being under the table better than out there. Jimin asked him why. Yoongi told him that from down there they could watch everyone.

Jimin crawled to the end of the table to peek under it just like Yoongi was doing and he found some people dancing, neighbours and other adults, but he could only see theirs legs from down there, the tablecloth didn't allow him to see more. He complained to Yoongi about that.

Yoongi had giggled then probably because Jimin was really bratty and pouty, and he calmly explained to Jimin about the living room being a giants palace, that the legs they saw belonged to the giants and that Jimin was so small he couldn’t see the rest of their bodies.

It was a children’s game. A children’s game from the first night they met, why does Yoongi remember that? Why is he singing about it? Jimin’s tears come even harder after thinking about that. He tries to focus on the song because he’s missed some other words but he can’t.

Even immerse in his most precious childhood memory Jimin does not miss the way Yoongi angrily spat the first words from the chorus. “You were bad company,” Yoongi sings.

Jimin blinks. Is that what Yoongi thought of him? All those years, bad company?

“You missed out on mine.”

Jimin scoffs a little at that. He scoffs not to sob. He can feel Seokwoo turn to him again, worried or estranged, since Jimin has completely abandoned the conversation.

The lyrics might be right though. Jimin maybe was bad company. Especially at last, when he hid from Yoongi.

What Jimin thought Yoongi was absolutely right with his lyrics was that Jimin had missed out on Yoongi. All these years, he had missed out on him. Jimin’s life would have been so different if he had stayed. He doesn't think about that, he would have left eventually nonetheless.

But maybe, if he had talked to Yoongi or if he had explained what he planned on doing to Yoongi, then everything would be better.

“You hid in the city, and who will find you now?” Yoongi asks to the microphone. Melancholic. He’s good at portraying his feelings with his voice.

The truth is Jimin had blamed Yoongi, for a long time. He always thought it had been the elder’s fault. Because Jimin had never felt that way for a man before until him. Yoongi was the first, and Jimin had to leave because his father hated the fact that his son felt that way.

Because when his father turned aggressive Jimin decided he could not stay any longer in that house. When he was younger he thought he only felt that way because of Yoongi. Yoongi was the one that was making him have those thoughts. And, for some years Jimin blamed him.

He thought Yoongi was the one who caused it, that feeling that was unfamiliar but so comforting at the same time. He was the reason Jimin had to leave because he was the reason his father found out. Jimin tried to hate Yoongi for a long time.

But he was never able to.

“Did you ever think about coming back?” Yoongi asks to the microphone. The tune has turned back to the slow keys from the start and Jimin tries to guess what is Yoongi feeling . “To this house, where I kept all your ghosts. Do you ever think about coming back now?” he sings.

From time to time, Jimin wonders what would happen if he went back but he doesn't let the thoughts grow, just shuts them down quickly.

The lyrics though, even if showing Yoongi's hurt are comforting to Jimin. Yoongi keeping all of Jimin’s ghosts, in his house, in his room.

They make Jimin wonder something that sometimes at night comes to him. He wonders if Yoongi back then had felt the same way Jimin felt about him. And he wonders too, if he was so absorbed in his self loath to even realize Yoongi could have reciprocate his feelings.

And the question spirals to thinking that maybe Yoongi could have taken care of him, or that Yoongi could have supported him even if they were so young.

Sometimes, late at night, he wonders about it. But like any memory of before Seoul, he never entertains the thought too much.

“You were bad company, you missed out on mine,” Yoongi sings the chorus. His voice raspy but melodic. The words hurting Jimin.

Jimin lost that the day he decided to leave. He won’t ever know if Yoongi loved him back, he missed out on their early stages of adulthood.

Jimin is sure he’s a complete crying mess right now. There are tears trailing down his cheeks. His ugly sobbing making choked sounds he should be embarrassed about.

He feels the lingering eyes of the people sitting around him, Seokwoo and his coworkers, but he doesn’t mind.

It’s been ten years, and he will always regret leaving Yoongi behind. He will, everyday, regret it.

“You got lost in the city and who will find you now?” Jimin doesn’t know. He doesn’t know who will find him. “And how will I find you now?” Yoongi whispers the last words.

Yoongi stops playing, there's a brief silence and the bar is clapping. It's an emotional song and Jimin can tell it has given a melancholic atmosphere to the space. But even if everyone can appreciate it, clearly none of them had felt the song the way Jimin or Yoongi had.

Yoongi bows from his seat at the praise, he bows to the three sectors of the bar and then gestures to the band. The lights change and he starts with a promise about the next segment being more uplift, which has some people laughing. Yoongi smiles widely and Jimin's heart tugs.

Yoongi starts introducing the band, one by one, there's two girls and two men aside from him, and he finally introduces himself. Jimin can't look away. He sits straight, like he's about to play again. It’s when he is about to speak to the microphone that his gaze falls on Jimin.

His gaze falls on Jimin’s puffy eyes and for a second that feels like an eternity to Jimin, their eyes meet across the bar.

Jimin remembers when they were little, how Jimin would cry whenever he would fall, and Yoongi would calm him down, with soothing words to his ears.

That’s the only thing he wants right now.

Yoongi stumbles on his words, probably on what was supposed to be an introduction, but he manages to cover them up with a cough. He quickly looks away from Jimin, smiles and talks about the next song and how he hopes it will maybe cheer everyone up. Jimin knows it won’t.

Jimin quickly excuses himself to go to the restroom, he needs to get out of here. Seokwoo gives him a concerned look, like he wants to stop him. He manages to ask Jimin if he’s okay but Jimin tells him he needs to be alone for a second. After the song everything moves fast.

He didn’t notice Yoongi’s eyes following him as he walked away because he didn’t dare look his way.

Jimin doesn't go to the restroom. He walks towards what a staff tells him is the back door of the bar to take a breath. He needs fresh air and he needs to clear his mind.

Jimin is finishing his second cigarette when Seokwoo finds him in the back of the bar. “You’re here”

“Yeah,” Jimin throws the cigarette to the floor to stomp on it. “I just needed some time out”

“You were crying,” Seokwoo walks towards him to hold his face between his hands.

“Why were you crying during that song?” he whispers.

Jimin looks everywhere but him. He knows the man means well, he knows he's trying to comfort him but Jimin doesn't want to talk. “I thought I had heard that song before, it made me sad,” Jimin explains as vaguely as he can.

Seokwoo doesn’t seem satisfied by the answer because Jimin must be doing a terrible job at seeming like he isn't affected. His hands are shaking. “I thought it was a song that I heard when I was a child…”

“You’ve heard it before,” it's not Jimin nor Seokwoo the one who speaks.

Both Jimin and Seokwoo snap their head towards the voice. The movement makes Seokwoo let go of Jimin's face. Jimin doesn't stop shaking when he sees him.

Yoongi is standing right outside the back door, the light coming from inside the club outlines his slim form.

He's standing too far from Jimin, he needs to take a step closer.

Jimin notices he's fiddling with his fingers, like he used to when they were younger. “The lyrics are new… The melody has always been the same. you’ve heard it. You’ve heard me play it before. A lot of times.”

He takes a step closer.

Seeing Yoongi up close hurts even more. He’s so beautiful. He looks the same as he did back then, all those years ago, but also so different, it’s really been so many years. The three men are silent and it’s Yoongi who speaks up again, “you remember it?”

Seokwoo look up from Yoongi back to Jimin confused. Jimin slowly nods at Yoongi’s question. There are tears streaming down his cheeks again, it’s like he can stop them but he’s not sobbing yet, they only fall on their own course. He can see Yoongi flinch once he notices.

It seems Seokwoo senses something between the two, most likely something bad since Jimin is crying non stop, so he closes the distance between him and Jimin, pulling Jimin towards his chest, his hand around Jimin’s waist. He must think that’s comforting to Jimin.

Yoongi’s expression quickly changes with what must be realization and he takes a step back. He looks slightly lost until a small smile decors his face. But Jimin knows it’s a fake one. He knows, because he knows Yoongi and he hasn’t changed and his fake smile is still the same.

“Well, I didn’t mean to intrude" Yoongi starts, "I saw you and,” he turns to Jimin, who is speechless because this isn't a situation he ever expected. He's still, watching Yoongi. “You look," Yoongi stops himself. "It was nice seeing you." Yoongi decides to say at last.

Yoongi starts to turn, to leave. He's going to leave and Jimin lets out a sob this time because he can't see Yoongi leave. He finally has him in front of him.

“Yoongi!” the man turns quickly, as soon as Jimin calls out his name and he looks so sad. Jimin feels broken too.

“Can we talk? Please?”

Yoongi looks at Seokwoo, specifically at his hand on Jimin’s waist. “Right now?”

Jimin takes a step forward, detaching himself from the other man. Closer to Yoongi. “How are you?” Jimin stumbles with his words, he needs to talk to Yoongi right now.

He stops once he's in front of a now frozen Yoongi. Jimin tries to be positive. “You’ve put on weight,” he giggles but it comes out sadly. “It suits you a lot,” he chokes up and then Jimin is crying.

Why is he crying so much? He barely said ten words to Yoongi and he’s sobbing.

Before Seokwoo can take a step forward to perhaps comfort Jimin, Yoongi is wrapping his arms around him, pulling Jimin into a hug. The gesture only makes Jimin sob harder.

“Can you give us a minute?” Yoongi asks, Jimin barely catches it because he’s sobbing into Yoongi’s shirt.

He knows he will wet Yoongi’s white shirt with his tears but he doesn’t mind, Yoongi doesn’t seem to mind either judging by the hand on the back of Jimin’s head keeping him close and burying Jimin against his shoulder. Jimin grips Yoongi's suit, scrunching the material.

“Jimin, I'm going to wait inside,” Seokwoo says, he sounds worried and Jimin feels sorry for him, because he's good for Jimin but he's not for Jimin.

He remains quiet, doesn't even nod and Seokwoo man doesn’t know what to do, he only stands awkwardly next to Jimin and Yoongi.

“I'm taking care,” Yoongi speaks again. He sounds strong even though Jimin can feel the arms around him shaking. Jimin doesn’t want to answer, he hides closer to Yoongi.

He doesn’t know what they say, doesn’t pay attention, but after a moment Jimin feels Seokwoo walking away.

Only when he knows for sure they’re all alone Jimin dares asking. “Was it for me?”

“Mmh?”

“Was the song for me?” Jimin repeats. “The lyrics.”

“Yeah…” Yoongi whispers. “It’s a song about you.” After a moment Yoongi adds, “I have a lot of songs about you.” Jimin nods slowly.

Jimin wants to ask about the lyrics, he wants to know what did Yoongi meant with Jimin being bad company, he wants to ask if Yoongi is upset at him, if he's stopped being upset at him, if he hates him, if he loved him like Jimin loved him, but Yoongi is already speaking.

“How are you?” Yoongi asks, he’s cleaning Jimin’s tears away with his thumb. His jaw is clenched and Jimin can tell he’s teary eyed too but he’s not one to cry easily. He whispers, “you look really good. Except for the fact that you’re crying and that doesn’t really suit you.”

“You’ve always look best when you smile, Jimin.” The small comment makes Jimin smile faintly. He feels slightly embarrassed. “Ah, there it is,” Yoongi sighs content, his thumb close to Jimin’s lower lip. “A smile.”

Jimin’s stomach twists at how tender his voice sounds.

He didn't expect to have a moment of familiarity and tenderness like this one with Yoongi ever again. It's dreamlike and Jimin hopes it lasts long. Hopes it goes on forever. “How am I? I’m doing fine,” Jimin explains. “Not too good, not too bad. What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. You know I work here. With the band. What do you do?” How easy and casual it all seems feels unreal to Jimin. As if nothing had happened.

"I'm a personal shopper for models. Two models at the moment. I pick clothes for them basically,” Jimin explains quickly.

“Ah that makes sense,” Yoongi exaggeratedly checks Jimin out. It makes Jimin giggle. If Yoongi wanted Jimin to feel at ease and to stop sobbing, he's doing an excellent work. Because now Jimin is only smiling as Yoongi toys with the collar of his shirt. “Expensive brands.”

Jimin is grateful for the small talk, he's glad he can breathe easily again but that's Yoongi in front of him and they can't pretend it hasn't been ten years. “When did you come to Seoul?” Jimin asks, suddenly. They will catch up eventually, but right now, he needs to know.

"Three years ago,” Yoongi replies quickly.

It’s quiet between them except for the live band coming from inside the bar. Where Yoongi should be playing. Jimin nods, he looks away and focuses on how there's snow sticking to the back door of the bar. “Why didn’t you call?”

The question seems to throw Yoongi off guard. For the first time in the night he frowns, enough to look upset. “Why didn’t you call me?” Yoongi asks back, with a bit of spite and Jimin should have kept his mouth shut because he deserves his anger it but Yoongi shakes his head.

“How was I supposed to call? I didn’t call because I had no idea where to start looking for you. And to be honest, I thought you didn’t want to see me ever again.”

Jimin’s eyes widen, because of course Yoongi felt that way. “I’m sorry. I shouldn't have asked,” he mumbles.

“It’s fine.” Yoongi says roughly but it’s not.

“I’m sorry,” Jimin repeats. “I’m sorry for leaving like that,” he finally says what he means.

Yoongi clenches his jaw. He wanted to avoid talking about this, Jimin thinks. “It’s fine, Jimin. It’s been a lot of time. Years.”

“I’m sorry, Yoongi,” Jimin whispers again, he leans over to wrap him in another hug.

This one surprises Yoongi but he returns it quickly. “Hey, it’s fine. We’ve met again, right?” Jimin nods but . “I know you had reasons to do it, and you can tell them to me now. If you want.”

"I want to," Jimin detaches himself to be able to look at Yoongi in the eye when he speaks

He's greeted with the most beautiful smile. “Okay but it can't be right now. I have to go back to play for some more time, around an hour more. They are going to kill me,” Yoongi grimaces.

"I can wait," Jimin says. Of course he can, what's an hour to ten years?"

“We can walk home after this, if you don’t have anyone to walk you home.” Yoongi says carefully, he looks back to the bar door, probably where Seokwoo went, where Jimin’s date is. Walking home sounds nice.

Yoongi is scrunching his face, the same way he used to when they were teenagers. He must remember Jimin is here with a date and that he doesn't even know where home is for Jimin. “I offer to walk you home for old time sakes, you know like, when we would walk home after school…”

Jimin nods. He knows it’s about that. “I’d like that. Like we used to," he says carefully but notices Yoongi is still nervous. I don’t have anyone to walk me home,” he lies.

“Really?” Yoongi knows when Jimin lies.

“I… don’t.” Yoongi squints his eyes and Jimin pouts at him.

“I actually live very far away from here though,” Jimin smiles faintly. “Do you mind taking the train with me?”

“Not at all,” Yoongi shakes his head. “I have time. After this.” Maybe Yoongi is lying about having time just like Jimin lied about having to go home alone.

They stare at each other for a moment, waiting for anything. “You really don’t have anyone to walk you home?” Yoongi presses again though.

Jimin sighs, because Yoongi knows. “I do. But I can call it off. I want to walk home with you, Yoongi,” Jimin hopes he sounds serious.

Yoongi smiles. “Okay then. Do you want to wait for me backstage or you have to return to your table?” Jimin doesn’t want to return because he doesn't want to see anyone else right now. “I can take you backstage, it’s a small room and it's a little crowded with our stuff but,"

“I don’t know if you want to return to your table,” Yoongi is rambling because the situation is making him nervous, if things are anything like they were ten years ago. Jimin can tell. With return to the table Yoongi means go back to where Seokwoo is

“I’d rather wait backstage.”

His answer seems to satisfy Yoongi judging by the faint grin on his lips. Jimin follows Yoongi through the bar. They don’t return to the main room instead he takes a turn that must take to the deposit. He focuses on Yoongi’s back as he leads the way.

It's all so strange to him.

Yoongi lets him inside a small room with a couch, two mirrors, a long table and some chairs. Jimin looks around and hears Yoongi promising to try to come back quickly. He tells Jimin to sit wherever he wants. Once again, they look at each other for a moment and then Yoongi leaves

Jimin knows he has to call Seokwoo, give him an explanation or anything but he doesn't want to do it right now. Not until his heart stop racing as fast as it's doing right now. Not until he can stop thinking about Yoongi for at least a second to handle a difficult conversation.

Jimin looks around, he sees all of the musicians have left their clothes here and he sees -what he thinks are- Yoongi’s clothes on a hanger. He thinks it's his because it's all black, and it's his size. He stares at the coat for a moment and wishes he could touch it.

He texts Seokwoo to tell him he’s leaving already. A minute passes by, Jimin looks at the coat. He gets a call and he has to answer.

Seokwoo starts with a confused, “really?” He's still in the bar, Jimin can hear the band playing in the background.

"Yes," Jimin grimaces.

It's silent between them. Jimin knows he's being the cruel person here, he knows he's hurting the other man and it's not fair but Seokwoo won't understand what Yoongi means to him. He'd change anything for a night with Yoongi.

"Who is he?" Seokwoo asks, like he knows.